Shortly after I married DH I discovered he had no savings and he had not been honest - or realistic- about making a lot of money in his new career.  I worked hard all of my life to save for retirement - even paid cash for the house he and I lived in. 

After one particularly obnoxious weekend with SD, and going through stephell for 20 years, DH's SIL made an off-the-wall comment about how she was assuming I was leaving everything to SD.  I was shocked - and responded, "I'm leaving everything to charity."  The whole car in which we were riding in went silent.  The next day I visited the bank as soon as they opened and made sure to assign beneficiaries for my bank accounts - and it WASN'T SD.

It isn't your problem that BM hasn't saved money for SD - and really, why should SD expect it anyway?

You never know what's going to happen.  Would SD agree to take care of you financially if you needed it?  I have always known that my SD wouldn't give a rip about me if I needed help.  But this just goes to show the mistake SD made in over-rating her intelligence.  If she had treated me with respect the outcome would have been a lot different.

If money made your SD change her feelings for you, then there wasn't that much in the first place.

My SD is getting nothing from me, nothing from DH. I don't care how she feels about me but she treats DH like crap, has done nothing for herself (lives off of the system), but expects DH to leave her everything. Not happening.

When we married all our children were adults. We did a prenup so that anything we had before marriage is separate property and goes to that spouse's children, and only things titled together go to the other spouse. Then we made wills that reflected the prenup.

Fast forward a few years and DH announces he's changing his will. He's had enough of the attitude and disrespect of one of his children and is cutting her out of his will. Since we have a clause in our will for the division of joint property between his kids and mine if we were to die in a joint accident, he asks me to cut her out of my will too..

I have friends who have split their assets in the will the 75/25 way you mentioned. 

DH and I are estranged from both of his kids, and I have none of my own. Because of their abusive, entitled ways, we have chosen to leave everything to one grandchild (that YSD put up for adoption) and various animal charities.

What happens? Because if he inherits everything, he can leave everything to his kid.

There was a time I would have included SD's in my will, but after years of OSD's bullying and hurtful behaviour to me, she is not someone that I would consider any longer.

Any pictures that I have of her, and the few pathetic things, awful cards aimed at belittling etc... that I've ever received from her, I'll will back to her. 

It's her loss really. I tend to be over generous, not just financially but certainly there too and not having children of my own had OSD treated me like I was an actual human I'm the type of giving generous person that would have wanted to leave her something to know she mattered, but that most certainly won't be happening now

Fortunately I have many nephews and nieces and some will benefit for sure

And there's YSD who has been a much better person to me than her sister, for sure again there will be something for her

This was discussed awhile ago by some users. A woman in your situation set up a living trust. I believe she didn’t trust her husband to manage the wealth or the skids. 

Hopefully you find their conversation useful. 

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/writing-will-trust-how...

My DH & I finally made our wills this year.  We are both estranged from SD 38.  He left his assets to his grandchildren with our former SIL as the guardian (if they are minors).  I left my assets to my sons.  As far as the house, the remaining spouse lives there with the beneficiaries added to the title.  When the last one dies, or sells, then the beneficiaries receive their money.  His will specifically states " I leave nothing but good will to my daughter xxx for reasons best known to both of us".   

DH and I have wills that leave everything to the surviving spouse. I am likely to be the one to survive as I am 10 years younger...though, of course, it's not guaranteed. 

If DH precedes me, I don't plan to leave anything (or maybe a small token) to his children. I have been the higher earner and have subsidized him for 10 years...even paying his CS on multiple occasions and extras that BM has requested. (2 years before marriage, 8 years of marriage. Yes. I bought groceries and paid cell phones for him and his kids for 2 years before I married and moved into the household...and, yes. I know that was dumb and set a precedent.) 

We bought the house we live in together, using some money we'd both saved and some gift money from his parents. Because of that, I suggested to him that we should include the kids for some small portion if he precedes me...simply to be fair to them. He's the one who said no...he says between CS and all the extras we've been asked to pay, and all the money his parents gave to BM when they divorced, we've given them most of their inheritance early...and that there's no way that he's going to let me essentially buy his kids out of "their share" of  the home that I've primarily paid the bills for and maintained for the last 10 years. When he put it that way...I agreed and felt cared for...but I still may try to talk him into some token amount just so it doesn't seem that we forgot them. 

Of course, if I precede him, the house and other assets will go to him and then the kids...but the beneficiaries on my various savings and retirement/investment accounts is my much younger sister and my niece and nephews. Not DH. 

There are things my DH will receive if I pass before he does. HOWEVER, those things will revert back to my family in the event of his passing. The skids will not receive one red cent from me.

As so many of the others here, I, at one time, considered including my Twit in my will....at least something as she was assuring DH and I that she would help us, and my daughter with us, as we aged.

Well, after finding out what Twit is and how she thinks, that is not happening at all.  She gets nada from me PERIOD.  If my DH should outlive me, he gets a certain amount and the use of the house etc. until he passes and then it all goes to my DD, which is going to tee Twit off emensely and my attorney has been informed and made certain things are tight including a clause that states that if any one tries to contest my will they get nothing...In fact, she is named there too.

Courts tend to go along with what the deceased wished and since my will and trust are in existance far before anything happens to me, no one can say I am under pressure etc.

My Twit is a GHOUL.  She ferrets out elderly people (I know of two cases in the 20 years I have been around her) where the elderly person has no immediate family, or immediate family around, and then tries to work her way into their will.

The first one, who she did this with, ended up leaving all her money and property to her church and I remember Twit saying how she felt she was do something because of all she had done for the old lady.

The second was just a few years back.  It was the elderly old man, the one that Twit told DH was making passes at her, and that he made her uncomfortable.  Yet, she would always allow him to come to her house, invite him for Christmas etc. (at least so she claimed as I never saw him at the few holidays we got invited for).

Found it odd when she started talking about him leaving his house to the Salvation Army as he was estranged from his children etc.

Well, when he passed away it seemed that his being estranged from his children was not true as he left all to them....though Twit was there to "help clean out the house for them".  She was steaming about all she and her hubby had done for the old guy over the years and she got NOTHING.

I figure she is probably out scoping for another elderly person, especially since I am on to her and many, many, many miles away from her.

Never had to change our wills, as adult skids have always been nasty to us. They treat DH with total disrespect and they loathe me.

Wills for DH and I specifically state nothing will be left to skids or gskids. Anything that remains, including real estate, is to be left with a trusted, respectful, family member and all proceeds and a specified amount to go into a pet trust that will be maintained by a trusted family member. Pet trusts are widely used now. Our pets are our children basically.

Why leave anything you worked hard for to people who never respected you?

I actually was thinking about this the other day as my father is getting re-married late in life. his soon to be wife supports him 98%. He came into the relationship in debt with 0 assets. As a result I do not expect to be left anything of value. All items and monies in my opinion should go to her family.

I do know my dad will have lifetime residency in her condo and there is some money set aside for him if she should pass. Beside that I do not know the terms of their will.

I think it all depends on the circumstances of when you get married, how children treat you, and what assets you bring to the relationship.

Our Will was structured to protect our estate from the SpermClan and preserve it for our son (my former SS-26 now adopted).  The key design was that the SpermClan was to get nothing if my wife and I codeceased while SS was a minor.  Since he is now an adult we decided to not change the basic premise of it going into trust until SS is mature and responsible enough to manage it wisely.

So...  in the event of our joint demise he gets crap for nothing until he either turns 40 or completes a Bachelor's degree from a regionally accredited college or university.  Kind of our way of parenting from beyond the grave is necessary.

Of course that Will can be changed any time we wish and likely will change upon my demise as I am 12 years the elder to my bride.  Either way.... SS is our sole heir and beneficiary and he gets it all once his mom and I are gone. But like me, his mom was very young when he was born and he will probably be pushing eldersly when he inherrits.  My mom was 19 when I was born and I will likely be the only person in the nursing home with chores since I will be in the home with my mother.

My bride was 16 when SS was born so when he enters the retirement home he will be in the same chore list situation that I will be in when it is my turn.

We are planning to write up wills/legal agreements that leave his family money to his kids, my house equity to mine (allowing my partner to stay in the house though) and to split everything accrued after our marriage 3 ways. Time will tell though. 

One thing I will stick to though no matter is that no kid inherits cash before the age of 30. Ever. My brother and I had access to ready cash in our teens and twenties and it didn't help us in the long run.

Prenups and a will are a must in these situtions; a serious will protecting the "hated" one. For some reason I will never understand, ( some sick steps), think you do not make your own money, or deserve five cents of what YOU earn yourself-- even if you are highly accomplished and financially secure-- more so than dadeeee.  It is because they never have worked, only played in school, and have always depended on others to foot their bills. A mindset that is foreign to most of us. Finally, I figured it out....

Protect yourself in ALL things, especially money.

DH and I had one, and I have no ax to bear agaisnt his kids, BUT my money is going to my kids.  Arrangement is he can live in my house (and I have exclusive use of his home, which is our vacation home) on the death of the other.  On the death of the second to tie, any assets go to the respective childs.  My retirement money (to the extent not used) goes to my DC, his to his.  I have a small insurance policy payable to him. 

My parents did.  At the advice of their attorney their Will was changed to leave my SS a lump sum of money.  This was to make sure that the SpermClan would find it hard to contest the Will if my bride and I pre-deceased my parents. 

Once he asked me to adopt him when he was 22, my parent's Will was changed to remove him completely from the Will.  At that time the Will reverted back to it's prior stipulation that my parent's estate is split equally between my brother and I.  He has 3 kids and I have only SS (now adopted).  My mother was considering changing their Will to leave it equally between all of her direct descendants.  My brother took exception that as he didn't feel it was fair for he and his kids to get 80% of the estate since I had no BKs. This was prior to the adoption.  He told my parents that if they made that change that he would not accept any of their estate for either he or his children.

So.... it is split 50-50 between us and it is  up to us to leave an estate to our respective families.  SS-26 is our sole heir and beneficiary and my brother's three are his beneficiaries. My SIL is a trust fund baby and my bro is a very successful Exec (COO of  a multi $Billion Dutch company) so his kids will be just fine.

I am a Director level Exec and my bride is a successful CPA so our kid will be just fine as well.... just not as fine.     

Our Will and my Bro's/SIL's are set up as survivorship distribution of assets.  It all goes to the surviving spouse and in the even of a joint demise it goes to the kid(s) in equal shares.

Since I raised SS-26 as my own he will eventually get it all including my half of my parent's estate. But, like me, he will be the only old guy in the nursing home with a chore list and likely won't get crap until he is OLD!.  My mom was 19 when I was born and my bride was 16 when she had SS.  I will be in the nursing home with my mom (the women in her clan all live to 90+) and SS will be in the nursing home with his mom.   Tough crap kid-oh!

If my bride goes first.... my goal is the bounce the last check I ever write.    

I haven't written a will yet. I remember my SD admiring my wedding ring and telling her it would be hers someday. Now I won't even be in her presence, so that won't be happening.

Recently my mother started harping on me about getting a will every time I spoke with her. She kept repeating that she doesn't want SD to get her money or family heirlooms. I think she was hinting that I will be out of her will because of SD. Yea, the double whammy: SD will probably fight me tooth and nail for anything my husband leaves me and on top of that, because I have no kids but do have a SD, my mother will likely write me out of her will.

Sometimes when I think about it, I get all OCD about SD not getting anything of mine. On a good day, I think, meh, who cares? I'll be dead anyway.

You've done the right thing. Shame things work out like this but correct, she has another mother, your son doesnt.

First, no one has the right to expect or assume an inheritance.  It is entirely up to the wishes of the testator can do whatever he/she wants.

Second, it is consistent with the conduct pattern of obnoxious skids to contest a will that cuts them out.  So, speak to your lawyer to be sure it is iron clad and sets out your reasons for your estate plan.  You might consider leaving them a token so they can’t say they were overlooked.  Or, leave a trust for the grandskids—OP said she loves them.  Just make sure the patents aren’t the trustees.

Bottom line, it is your money to do with what you want.

good luck.

hubby has told his 3 kids with ex that they will get A lump sum cash in a savings acct (several hundred grand each) and everything else will be managed by me so they better be nice. Ss has as usual ignored me, stepdaughters only started contact 3.5 months ago and visited hubby 4 times and me and kids 3 times within that period on premise they really want a relationship but make no effort. 

I’m angry we’re expected to play taxi for these adult/teen lazy idiots and spend 8 hours chauferring them around and no talk and barely any interaction with me and kids so what relationship are they after?

i told hubby recently i will not attend said gatherings as its a total waste of our times and if they really wanted a relationship, then the moment their bio mum bans contact, they would easily tell her she is out of line but they don’t. They’re there to satisfy as bm ego and manipulative pawns in her various schemes

ours is a little more complicated, when we first started dating, his kids were 4,6,7& 8, Mine were 4 & 6. He had nothing but tons of debt and tons of child support. I recieved no childsupport for mine, he went to prison to avoid paying CS.   I finished going to college and then substitute teacher for 10 years, at the kids schools.  We raised all six kids together in one large house that we bought together. six years later, we had two sons together.  so we have 8 kids, mine, yours and ours. They were all raised as brothers and sisters. The two SD's followed their mother and PASed out as adults. everything me and DH have, we built together, our businesses, our investments, our homes, both real estate agents as partners. We still have all 8 children set up for equal portions of the estate if we both go at the same time.  The executors are  oldest of his bio's and oldest of my bio's, but seporate filing and granting, Kids of first wife will be filed by SS32 and kids of second wife will be filed by DD29.  If they pass, the ours sons are executors with each remaining child equal portions.  The estranged kids get an equal portion as the rest but lose the right to contest the will or have executor status.  They are prevented from gaining conservorship of my DH in the future, but they can change his diapers or feed him if need be.  

If one of us goes first, the stepkids inherit the lake house and surviving spouse moves out but gets all rental properties, businesses, life insurances, pensions, 401K and residual items. Then that surviving spouse wills the remaining estate to their bio kids. anyone challenging the will does so at their own expense and NONE of the estate is to be used to define or challenge the will.