You are here

Who prays against someone else trying to have babies???

tigerlily74's picture

So I was talking to a good friend the other day - someone who has known DH for decades so she knows his Ex and the skids.

We were talking about my inability to conceive and my fertility struggle with IVF.

Me: So yeah, my sister volunteered to donate her eggs. We're thinking about it.
Friend: Don't think about it. Just do it! Other women don't have that option.
Me: You're right. We'll bring it up next when we see our doctor.
Friend: Good luck! Just don't tell SS34 and SD31 that I encouraged you.
Me: Huh? Not that I would tell them anything, but why do you want me not to tell them?
Friend: Well. you know that they're praying you guys don't conceive, right?



Who does that???

Mind you, SS34 and SD31 both have their own children whom they dote on. Given they


the joys of parenthood, how can they knowingly seek to deny me (or anyone for that matter) the same joys?

I'm so disgusted.

tigerlily74's picture

pixielady: Of course, I did. He was very disappointed to hear it, but he wasn't surprised given their fanaticism. I think it goes beyond religious belief. I think they don't want Daddy Dearest to have another child because it will dilute their inheritance.

pixielady's picture

For sure any inheritance has something to do with it. And the fact that any child of yours will have the gift of both parents together.

tigerlily74's picture

pixielady: True. I can understand that they don't want their Dad to have another child to love, or perhaps they don't want the scandal of their Dad having a baby that's younger than their own hellspawn. But to actually pray against me having a baby is just selfish and horrible.

sandye21's picture

Just wondering why your friend used the term, 'praying'. This may have been a shock to you but what your friend said makes sense - maybe not 'literally praying', but it is a sure bet they are not wanting you to have a child who will be competing for DH's love, attention and future inheritance.

As far as your Sister donating eggs, when you delay, sometimes people change their minds or something comes up which is not under anyone's control. I agree with your friend - do it now.

tigerlily74's picture

sandye21: SS34 and SD31 are supremely religious. They belong to extremely conservative right-wing denominations, which is partly why they refuse to accept their Dad's remarriage to me. In their eyes, we are living in sin. So yes, they are *literally* praying for me not to conceive. My friend did not mean that they were merely wishing we won't have a baby. They are actively asking God not to grant us children. Who does that?

Re my sister's eggs: We found out that in my country, donors have to be between 18 and 35. My sis is 38, so we can't do the procedure here. We're now waiting for our appointment with a doctor who coordinates with doctors in a neighbouring country to see if we can work something out!

sandye21's picture

Amazing how 'Christian-like' some Christians are! We have those strict 'Christians' in our community too and I've been stunned at some of the horrible things they say and do. Your Skids sound too scary to be around. Good luck on your quest for your child. I was not able to carry children so can appreciate your situation. (((HUGS)))

tigerlily74's picture

sandye21: Thank you, and I'm awfully sorry to hear about your efforts. I'm 43 now, and I'm slowly starting to accept that my dream of having children is slipping away. The IVF journey so far has been heartbreaking. So I really don't need fanatic skids praying against our efforts!

Ispofacto's picture

Someone told me once something I'll never forget, "People believe what they want to believe."

Once that seed was planted, it really took off for me.

I was raised in a family of right-wing nutjobs. The kind of people who said AIDs was god's punishment for being gay, gays deserve to die.

And I used to accept that so-and-so was born Whatever Religion, they can't help being stupid.

But then I realized: You aren't "born into" a religion. Your religion doesn't pick you, you pick your religion. And even the flavor of the religion you choose, there are good and bad people of all religions. If you are a member of a church that decides human sacrifice or incest is a good idea, you realize that that clashes with your values, and you leave. There are plenty of Christians that really follow the teachings of Jesus (unconditional love and acceptance), and there are some [bigots] who have never read or understood the bible, yet still [loosely] describe themselves as Christians.

So no, no one is a victim of their beliefs, they chose them willingly, and if their beliefs are hateful, that's on them. They are responsible. That's who they are. Hateful, vile, bigoted people. Their "religion" is just a cover/excuse for their real intentions. And they live in hell. Now. Because hell isn't a place, it isn't somewhere you "go" when you die, it is a concept. Literally, it is the absence of God's presence from your existence. Because God is Love, and hateful people cannot be in God's presence. They live in misery, everyday, consumed by their hate.

They are pathetic, pitiful people. That's who does that.

tigerlily74's picture

@Ispofacto: I agree. 100%!

I think the divorce is what turned his two elder kids to the right-wing nutjob side. Both of them discovered their churches while at away from home at university during the 10 years while DH and the Ex lived separate lives even though they were technically still married. I think their new sects offer them very black-and-white belief systems in which their own prejudices are confirmed and justified. It's how they "cope" with their parents' divorce - identifying themselves as victims of the devil's work in their parents' lives. They simply cannot function outside of their churches.

But to actually pray against someone having a baby when they clearly adore their own babies? Despicable.

Acratopotes's picture

I would've kept quiet about the whole issue, I know the woman is your friend , but how does she know what your skids are doing? Sounds like she's on good term with them and I would not be friends with some one like this, I would not share confidential information with her, you never know what she's telling them behind your back - but again that's simply who I am..

Stop stressing about what the adult skids want Hon, it's got nothing to do with them, plan your baby and try again,

The only reason they don't want you to have a baby is very easy, with them being in their 30's, their father is not a youngster anymore,
their father will have an additional child that can inherit, maybe this new child will inherit everything and they get nothing?
This new child will be the uncle/aunt of their children and way younger lol.... they think Dad is to old to be having sex.

Simply ignore it, do what you and DH want, not what skids want

tigerlily74's picture

@Acrapotes: The friend is pretty influential in church circles where she and SS34 live, so I'm not surprised she's heard about things he's been sharing with his congregation. Both SD34 and SD31 have stopped talking to her since she attended our wedding. I trusted her coz she's "sided" with DH and me more than a few times despite the skids being unhappy with her. But you're right, after this comment of hers which indicates she might possibly have started talking to them again, I'm going to be a lot more circumspect in what I share with her. One can never be too careful.

You're also right that I really need to stop allowing them to affect me and just enjoy my marriage. Yup, Dad having sex probably is too awful for them to contemplate! LOL }:)

Acratopotes's picture

good to hear this Tiger, now stop stressing....your marriage only has 2 people in it, you and DH.... enjoy it and ignore all outsiders,

Have you tried so,e relaxing exercises... walk around the house looking at possible paces to plant flowers, take deep breaths... heck plant a flower every time the skids upsets you.... anything to get your mind off the brats...start knitting blankets.....

It really helps to do something else to take your mind off skids, till you really do not care about them anymore

tigerlily74's picture

@Acratopotes: To be honest, I don't much think about them. SS34 is in another country, and SD31 hardly initiates contact with DH. So apart from the recent episodes, our lives are pretty unaffected by them. We disengaged a while back, and DH doesn't try to force us to interact. They're grown up and should be living their own lives anyway. So it suits me just fine that they leave us alone! Smile

depressedme's picture

I wanted to wish you well for having a baby hun x. My bs was as a result of ivf and I donated eggs at the time I was having my cycle in order to get my treatment quicker. This is when I was living in th uk. I was lucky mine worked first time and I do know it worked for the recipient but that’s all the clinic will tell me but the resulting child can find me if they chose to as I had to join the donor register. I hope it works for you hun I’ve been through the pain of infertility and it’s heartbraking x

tigerlily74's picture

@depressedme: Thank you so much. We've been through a couple of IVF cycles and it's truly been heartbreaking. Apart from my own dream of being a mom - which I've had ever since I was a little girl - it also guts me to think that I might never be the mother of his children. Cray 2

Really happy for you that you have a son, and maybe one day another child might get in touch with you. Precious xx

depressedme's picture

Your very welcome x I was lucky I knew I could get pregnant and sadly lost 4 last 2 were ectopic. When I was given the opportunity to egg share I jumped at it as I wanted to help another couple and we didn’t have to wait 4 years to start ivf. I was very lucky I got 14 eggs donated 7. 4 fertilised and 2 made it to transfer and I was blessed with my gorgeous boy x. Going through ivf is very stressful so please put these adults out of your mind and take care of yourself xx

tigerlily74's picture

@depressedme: Our first IVF cycle ended up with just three eggs, only one of which fertilised and eventually didn't stick. The second cycle was truly traumatic: only one egg materialised despite me being on super high dosages of the fertility drugs, and when the doc went in to retrieve, he couldn't find it. Since then, the clinic has basically expressed no confidence in a third cycle and has told us to take our business elsewhere. It's been very, very hard.

So I really don't need bigoted, prejudiced stepkids adding to the forces working against us! >:(

disrestep's picture

That really is a terrible thing for those adult skids to pray for. Ugh! What I would do is if I talked to one of the skids in the future would be to make sure I say something like, "Please pray for your father and me in that we will conceive soon and you all will have little brother or sister."
I would then just love to see the looks on their faces.

tigerlily74's picture

@disrestep: Haha, I think they will have a heart attack if I said that!

As it is, when we celebrated DH's 60th birthday a few years ago, my Dad made a little speech and prayed for the pitter patter of little feet for us. SD's face was SO pinched. LOL

momjeans's picture

tigerlily74- I don’t doubt for a second that they’re actively praying against you.

My in-laws are uber self-righteous conservative baptists, and I’m convinced that my MIL prays for my demise. It humors me to no end. You know why? Because the universe DOES NOT work that way.

I can see why your friend’s statement would bother you, don’t get me wrong, but I would not sweat it.

tigerlily74's picture

@momjeans: I try not to sweat it, but I get really annoyed when they treat me like a wicked stepmother. They don't like their children being around me, for example. Are your little girls so morally fragile that my presence would turn them into a gremlin or something? Geez.

sandye21's picture

Hey! I think you came up with the best answer. Let them wonder, "Is she or isn't she?" Hang crystals in your windows, garlic in the bathroom and little good luck omens around the house. Just a hint of witchery. You might as well have some fun, don't ya think? If they mention anything you can say, with a smirk on your face, "I really don't know what you're talking about." Then immediately kiss the 'magic charm' you are wearing around your neck.

tigerlily74's picture

@sandye21: Except that DH is a pastor and they'd jump on any of your suggestions and proclaim me unfit to be a pastor's wife! I can only fantasize. LOL

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

One should never wish ill will against any one. Karma has a way of striking back.

tigerlily74's picture

@shes driving me: I know, right? Don't think they're doing themselves any favours in terms of karma...