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Who pays for college?

dmt1966's picture

:? My DH has three children, the eldest who graduated from college with all tuition & expenses paid via a state college savings plan. She also worked a great deal. His second child has one year left in college, but has used up his college savings plan and we have been purchasing his textbooks, apartment rent, and groceries. The youngest is starting college this fall but the state college savings plan was not purchased. So, there are two children who need college funding, living expenses, etc

My DH's children are insisting that my DH pay all of the college expenses from now on. Their mom has stated she cannot contribute at all. The $1200/month child support to their mom for the youngest child is running out in June when she graduates high school. However, their mom insists on staying in the marital home but does not make enough to support it. My DH and I live in a modest home, love to travel, and are saving for retirement. We have also provided a substantial wedding gift to the eldest daughter.

The ratio for my DH and his ex-wife's salary is 60:40, which would be a starting point for dividing the kids' expenses. These are good salaries, over $60, 000 annually. With my salary added, the ratio is closer to 75:25. I have agreed to support DH's children with us paying 75% of their college expenses, living, etc... My DH's kids are livid, insisting that their mom has no money and cannot pay for anything. We have been together three years and I have an amicable, but not close, relationship with DH's kids.

I find it deplorable that the kids' mom is refusing to pay for any college expenses. I also find it unfair that the kids insist on their father taking the entire financial burden because he is married to me (for one year). Thoughts? Advice? Thank you!

alwaysanxious's picture

I already see this happening with my skids. Its already well known that SO will be paying for all college expenses for SD and SS. BM would never pay for college. She could care less and would just have her kids handle it themselves if SO didn't pay for it.

That being said, I personally would never contribute my own finances towards skids. Its not my responsibility.

The kids can't demand that dad pay for everything if he literally cannot do it. There is nothing wrong with him contributing part and if their mom can't help then they come up with the rest. Some children these days are so spoiled to me. My mom didn't pay for any of my college. I paid for it all on my own including my two graduate degrees. I paid all my expenses. So what if they have to work or take out student loans, if they want it then that's what they need to do. Its called life.

I feel that you are very generous for offering your own finances. I would ask you to think long and hard about that given the response you have received from this particular skid already.

Just because mom can't pay for something, doesn't mean it all falls on dad. Skids are grown and have to become responsible for themselves as well.

stepmonster_2011's picture

The answer to your title question "who pays for college?" - is the person going to college.

It's great if parents can help/provide - but honestly? for the kids to be telling your DH that they need 100% covered? WRONG.

Time to get some Financial aid forms...

p.s. managing to pay for your education is also a GREAT education. Smile

Lastly - I, as a SM, would NEVER agree to pay any of a skid's college expenses. PERIOD.

twopines's picture

In the case of DH's kids, SS28 is finishing his degree via the GI Bill, and SD26 worked full time and took out student loans.

No way, no day, not ever would I commit any of my resources to pay for skids' college.

newmk1980's picture

In Canada, the family court system takes three things into consideration: 1)how much can the child themselves contribute (either through earned income or student loans) 2) the income of the CP 3) the income of the NCP. So, after the amount the child can contribute is deducted, the remainder would be split based on the income ratio of the CP and NCP. My DH, for example, would be responsible for about 60% of SD's university expenses AFTER the amount she can pay herself, based on his income vs BM's income. Not sure how fair that is, but it's certainly a hell of a lot fairer than BM washing her hands of the whole thing and expecting your DH to pay for the whole ride.

Just to add, I have also volunteered a portion of my salary to help pay for SD (not formally, but DH and I make a monthly contribute to an education savings plan that comes out of our joint account). I do this, not because I'm a fantastic, selfless step-mother....but because I want to protect the future of my bio-daughter. I would hate for her to go without because DH and I didn't plan for a large expense like university tuition for her step-sister. I look at it like an insurance plan (incidentally, we also save for our bio-daughter's future education costs as well).

Disneyfan's picture

I'm paying the lion's share of my son's college education.

His dad pays what he can when he can. I hope his SM isn't helping to pay any of it.

I will not help DF pay for his kids education.

Amazedstepmom's picture

The kid. It's called student loans. Summer job. If dad/BM income is 60/40 the. Dad pays 60% and BM or child pays remainder.

herewegoagain's picture

THE KID! Geez...any parent paying should be looked at as an AMAZING GIFT...other than that, they need to get their butts to work and pay their own way.

NCMilGal's picture

Tell those spoiled brats that here's their deal - your DH will pay 1/3 max, based on grades. The rest should be split between the kid and BM. If BM can't contribute, too bad. If they get outraged, cut them off completely.

SD16 already knows not to expect ANYTHING from BM; her first choice at this point is scholarships, her second is doing the CC route living with us and working/taking out loans/paying rent.

While I think college is important, I think forcing kids to grow up and become self-sufficient is more important.