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who to leave everything to

abufarwa's picture

I don't want the step kids to get our "estate" when we die.  But I don't know who to give it all to.  Anyone else have this issue.  I myself have no kids or family. I guess I had better get a best friend. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Charity!!!

Do you have any other family that your close to?

STaround's picture

Are you suggesting that if you outlive your DH, you get sole authority to decide where assets go??

abufarwa's picture

Everything is in our name and I'm the sole beneficiary.  We really don't have much.  A house (our furniture - no would would want).  Mostly our animals and I would have everything set for them.  They are the most important.  My DH is 15 years older than me and of course anyone can go at any time.  But with the age thing.... I could surely out live him. 

mro's picture

What does your husband think? Does he not want anything to go to his kids?  If not, I would think that wills for each of you would do the trick. I'd talk to an attorney and get his or her advice about how to word them, and then file them with the court ahead of time, choose your executor, and provide him or her with copies.  I would guess most people with no children either leave their assets to a sibling, nieces/nephews, or a cause they would like to support.

I had a friend whose brother died of cancer, in his 40s or so, no kids and had saved some money up, and he set up a trust to fund his nieces and nephews to attend a particular international camp experience.  

notasm3's picture

My assets are in a trust. If DH outlives me he gets to live in the house and receive a nominal income.  If he dies before my sister she would get the income.  When we are all gone the money goes to a Children’s Hospital. 

Becareful of leaving money to a charity that is not well established.  I was going to leave money to my college but it now longer exists. It is now an “institute” that I do not care to support  

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Have everything liquidated and a scholarship set up. Make it for COD's that can write an essay on how valuable their step parent(s) have been in their life!

ROFL

24 years as a SM's picture

The money would sit in the scholarship fund and never be given out.

disrestep's picture

If you and your DH do not want any skids to get your estate when you are gone, then make sure that is spelled out in your wills. A good attorney can guide you through the process. You can specifically exclude relatives in a will. Some people call it disinherit. The lingo goes something like, "I, Joe Smith, chose to not leave Joe Skid, Jr. anything for reasons be known to him, etc. etc." depending on what lingo the attorney and you want to include.

You can also leave whatever you want into a trust and have that trust be given to a charity. There are also pet trusts, which are legal, binding agreements.

If it helps you any, DH and I do not wish to have our estates end up in hateful adult skids hands or the gskids, so our attorney included that in our wills. We have pets that we want to be well taken care of if something happened to us, so we specified a decent dollar amount to help in their care in a Pet Trust that will be managed by a trusted person we know.

You have options, and if there is a charity, library, school, or zoo you and DH care about, call them and ask them if they have any programs to leave your estate to them, or you can name them in a trust.

Hope some of this info helps you.

abufarwa's picture

That's it then.  A trust for the animals!!  Our pets is what we cherish most in life besides each other.  So the house could sell and that money would be for the pets and any left over would go to the zoo we both worked at and where we met when animals die!   PERFECT.  I just need to find someone I trust with the animals. 

abufarwa's picture

I just don't want these un grateful, hateful skids to get anything.  They have put me thru hell over the past 21+ years.  they are spoiled, entitled adult brats.  Their dad used to give them each 100.00 for their birthdays and then 200.00 to each family for Xmas.  Then we had to start saving our money etc.... and I saw (DH never saw it) that those kids never appreciated that money.  They EXPECTED the birthday money and never said thank you.  NOT once.  It took several years for them to get over that they are not getting money like that anymore for birthdays etc...  they didn't like it tho. 

hereiam's picture

We do not want to leave anything to my husband's daughters, either. Or his family, who are all entitled and think that they should get our house! His sister actually told him that since she is his oldest sibling, she should get everything of ours. His daughter told him that she can see herself relaxing on our deck when she inherits our house. Dream on!

We don't have a lot, either, and most of what we do have, we can assign beneficiaries or a transfer on death so things don't even have to go through probate. In my state, even a house can have a beneficiary named as a TOD and not go through probate. We will still do a will and disinherit DH's daughters so that there is no misunderstanding and no reason for them to contest anything. I've heard that can happen if you don't specifically disinherit an offspring (in certain states). Death and greed can bring out the worst in people.

abufarwa's picture

I never even thought of that one but that's a good point you make to actually disinherit them.  That way there are NO questions.

mro's picture

If a relative, step- or bio-, said that to me, there would be nothing left for them.  Gross. 

disrestep's picture

Oh, I know how that is. The adult skids never said thank you when DH would give them money/gifts for birthdays or Xmas. OSD even told DH what to get her for holidays and birthdays - expensive gifts always. When DH stopped doing this for them, they were bitter about it. Just awful - they never appreciated anything DH did for them. They put us through years of hell too, and when a relative passed away, they fought DH for part of the estate they felt entitled to, even though it was in DH's name. They are greedy and selfish, and we made sure they will receive Nada, nor will their spawn when DH and I are gone.

We also want to make sure our pets are taken care of and there are enough funds and someone named to be in charge of our Pet Trust, we can trust. Our pets are our babies and they deserve to be taken care of. Sounds like you are friends with a good veterinarian. A veterinarian is someone who would definitely make sure your pets are taken care of. You could name him as the person in charge of the pet trust if he didn't mind. 

Just get a good attorney, who is familiar with Pet Trusts. Also, the Pet Trust is another document, aside from a will that needs to be drawn up-it was in our case. So, an attorney will most likely bill you for the Pet Trust as well. It wasn't that much though; but the fact knowing our pets will be taken care of is more than worth it.

good luck to you.

still learning's picture

Are you affiliated with any religious groups? Do you have a school/university you could leave it to?  Have you looked into getting a reverse mortgage and using the money to enjoy you and DH's golden years?  

abufarwa's picture

No affiliations with anyone.  And we didn't like the reverse mortage right now anyway because of the tax breaks we need.  We are in the process of moving right now - out of state (going back home actually) -- LONG STORY but we need to keep the loan as is for 1 year min. because of the VA loan we got on it.  So we are kind of starting over again sort of.  But to a better place.  Where we feel comfortable.  I have a best friend there that I lost contact with when we moved.  He and his wife don't do FB or anything (VERY private people!).  He was the veternarian at the zoo we worked at so.... an animal person for sure!  we became good friends and before I got married, I house sat (animal sat) for them when they went away while I was working at the zoo.  they could be a possibility to take what animals we have left (if any) when we die.  Or I die.  I'm assuming I will be the 2nd one to go.  The animals is what I worry about the most. 

Rags's picture

I have no BKs.  I raised SS-26 as my own beginning before he was 2yo.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22.   We made that happen.

His mom and I are each others heir and beneficiary.  In the event of our co-demise it all goes to SS with the exception of some personal items that will go to specific people other than SS.  It does go into Trust until he either completes a bachelors degree from a regionally accredited institution or turns 40.  Kind of our way of parenting from beyond the grave and protecting our estate until he is educated and mature enough to care for it responsibly.

 

elkclan's picture

awesome - nothing ruins people faster than easy money at a young age. Need to get my will sorted to make sure none of our kids get any ready cash until conditions are met (age and yes a degree, I like that). 

marblefawn's picture

I also have no kids, no close friends, or anyone who would want my "stuff." My husband is 13 years older.

I intend to setup a trust and probably give it all to charity to be auctioned, save for the three things my husband brought into the marriage. Anything he brought into the marriage I will offer to SD, if I can stand to have that much interaction with her.

sandye21's picture

A while ago my friend's SO of over 35 years died.  He made her the executer of his will or trust.  He did this because he has two daughters and didn't want them to be at each others' throats.  So guess who is now  the punching bag?  And she is having a horrible time with the youngest SD.  YSD has called the lawyer demanding money.  The lawyer told her to call the Title Company.  She demanded $25,000 to be paid "RIGHT NOW!".  The Title company said they didn't know who she was and they were dealing with SM.  Now SD is constantly pressuring my friend.  So even when you think you have taken care of everything the skids can still be a pain in the butt.

I have been very negligent, and this has taught me that I need to get a trust in order.  Now!

SacrificialLamb's picture

OMG yes you do. Whatever state you are in, see if it's legal that if anyone contests it, they are excluded (not legal in my state).  I know I will hear from the SD's but feel somewhat protected with the trust and medical directives in place. 

Tell your friend to have a cease and desist letter sent to her SD, and if that doesn't stop it, file harrassment charges.