I didn't expect resentment because my DH had been divorced from his ex for many, many years and his ex had since remarried, divorced again and living with someone.

The "children" were all adults. I expected to be treated, well, like a family member, not like a Mother, but treated politely and humanely. With 2 of DH's children I have that....one even calls me "Mom", which is fine with me....but he started it. Twit is the problem.

I thought it would progress at some point given enough time and patience but it really hasn't. The skids were in their early teens when I met SO, they are now in their early/mid twenties.

I never expected to be parental-like to them but I hoped we would at least become closer "friends" after so many years. IMO I have finally come to the realization they are strange people, and a lot of that has to do with their mother quite honestly. She trained them early on to keep things from their father, so he has been shut out from anything substantive in their lives for some time. They established that behavior many years ago and it is very hard to break - even now they are adults.

I figured I'd at least have some semblance of a relationship after nine years, at least one where I could feel comfortable one-on-one with them. They have absolutely no interest in me other than I am an appendage to their father. They are never rude but they never let their walls down either. If their father and I broke up for any reason, or God forbid he died, I would never hear another thing from either of them.

I have no hope of this ever changing. And at this stage, I really don't care anymore. They don't even know my last name because they have never shown any interest in getting to know me as a person. So I give up.

SD was 16 when we first met. She really seemed like a nice kid, and she was fine until the day we got married. Then it was as if some other entity suddenly switched bodies with her. It happened overnight. I went into the marriage either overly-innocent or just plain stupid. I had not known many people in step situations. I thought one day SD would grow up and stop her unjustified hatred of me. I also believed that when DH and I had been married for a few years he would value the marriage and his wife more as time went by. I only wish I knew then what I do now - I wouldn't have married DH. Now I have no desire to reconnect with SD, and am very glad of it.

I always hoped we would develop good relationships and at one time thought it might just be possible. I have a tolerable relationship with older sd and a better relationship with younger sd. The difference is it used to mean so much to me that we all got along, I certainly don't want problems from them but there is not too much more they can do that hurts me any longer...it simply isn't as important to me all these years later

I'm in a fairly unique position...my SDs were teens when I arrived on the scene, but their BM was so terrible that they didn't fight me too much (that is a story for another day).

My SS (who was moved out and married before my SO and I met) absolutely HATED me...until the birth of his first son. Since then, we have had a politely amicable relationship. He understands that the SDs accept me and I've been there for them, and I understand that we will never be close.

I think his hatred hurt his father more than it did me...I always figured that i was a fair and loving person, and either he came around or it was his loss. I'm glad that we can celebrate holidays and whatnot together...but I never expect to have a parental role with him (granted, I am only 5 years older than he is...and 2 years younger than his wife!)

I also came along when OSD was in early teens, she seemed very happy that her dad found someone and was happy again. HIs exwife left him for another man.

For several years things went fairly well with SD/ we even were very friendly at one time.

I expected us to maintain a friendly relationship and be happy and comfortable around each other once she became an "adult".

Once she started reproducing and having her own children (she has 3 now), she turned meaner and meaner at me. She engaged DH in her hate campaign and I don't think I will ever recover from it. It was such a huge hurtful experience that went on for a few years before I disengaged. SD and DH were bullying and ignorant to me. I was shocked and kept hoping it would stop. It didn't stop until I put my foot down and disengaged.

So, what I expected and what actually happened couldn't be further apart. Expect the unexpected is my motto now LOL.

I've actually been around longer than not in ss21's life and I thought of the three skids he'd be the one to like me, appreciate all the cool things he got to do because I treated him just like one of my own. Jetskis and boating, sports events, vacations, and just seeing his dad happy vs the first ten yrs of his life his parents fighting non stop.

Alas, he has been brainwashed by bm and sd28 that dad sucks and I'm the cause.

I always knew sd28 would never really love me but I hoped and gave her everything I had, I was there when her mother wasn't, I was by her side even though she treated me like shit, wedding plans, graduations, moving away for college, coming home, living with us after grad... Until I'd finally had enough disrespect one night and let them have it with my true feelings. She ran back to her momma and turned on her dad and that's that.

I expected one big happy family , like the Brady bunch. Respect, love, mothers day cards, acknowledged birthdays, hanging with siblings, bio and step. We built a house so they'd all have their own rooms, let them walk all over us and take advantage of us. In the end, nothing was ever going to be good enough. I busted my ass for eight years to make it work. Now, I just don't care anymore, because frankly, neither does dh. It's so sad, and it hurts our hearts for sure, but if they can't behave like respectable adults regardless how they were pasd by bm at ages 21, 25 and 28 then they'll have to find their own way and we will hope for the best in the future.

None of my SK's were adults when we met, but two of them are now (if you call it that, both act like children most of the time). I'm not really sure what I actually expected, but it certainly wasn't what I got. I figured they both would be happy that their dad was happy first and foremost. They'd come to visit occasionally & we'd all get along. I never tried to be their mother or replace either of them (I'm wife #3). Instead I got terrible relationships with their father, they dislike me of course, have abandoned their little half-sister & step sisters & the oldest even asked him to leave me many years ago.

I guess they didn't like that daddy didn't chose them over me...I never wanted it to be a choice, they did. And look what they got!

My SK's were 24 and 28 with the SD28 married for several years when DH and I married. My bio's were 13 and 16 and lived at home with us. I didn't expect any of us to love each other, I just wanted everyone to be respectful and civil to one another. I didn't think that was too much to ask but it's been a nightmare. My bio's are very loving towards DH and treat him like a father and the SK have been so rude and obnoxious to me - I've NEVER in my entire life been treated and talked to the way they've been towards me. And what's really sad is that I've always taken it with a smile on my face. I didn't want to cause any trouble in the "family". It's absolutely sick and hateful! If they were mine, they would be figuring out a way to get my shoe out of their arses because they would have gotten a swift kick the first time that rudeness spewed from their lips...