You are here

What they should have learned growing up...

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 4:43pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

It really amazes me how little the bioparents/caretakers taught adult SDs growing up. It seems like they:
1. Never said NO to them
2. Did not enforce boundaries/rules with them
3. Didn't teach them that they may not love or like everyone in their lives but they must treat everyone with respect
4. Didn't teach them that it's important to forgive
5. Didn't teach them to treat SM respectfully even if they don't like her
6. Didn't confront the REAL issues with their kids/issues their kids had and kept their heads in the sand

Anything else you'd add?

I just feel that the caretakers/parents who do these things and teach kids to hate are making EVERYONE'S lives he11 in the long run.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 7:30pm

Yes I remember BM making DH feel bad, that SD would be worried, or disappointed, or sad, if he did not jump to their tune - so the F. what???

That is life kid-!!!!! I think this is where I finally broke through w/dh - isn't it better to learn to handle that when you are a child, than an adult? dur!!!

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:27am

This is our BM. Whatever SD wants she gets end of story. If not then SO is a crappy parent. Seriously the woman is deranged and the funny thing is that she doesn't put up with SD's crap she pretty much ignores her when she has her.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 6:52pm

The world owes them seems to be a theme with so many..... My DH's kids are young adults who truly believe they are owed. They refuse to work, they want everything handed to them, they have no clue. DH works 6 days a week, BM has never worked and also refuses to. In the skids' minds, BM is always right, and DH is just a loser who was meant to support them.

They will raise their kids the same way, and the cycle will continue. It is so sad.

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 7:19pm

I'm sorry, I just kind of said what you said - only differently. I should have read all the way through first.

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 7:18pm

I would like to add that they didn't teach them that they have to work for what they get and that they aren't entitled to things just because mommy and daddy are divorced.

christag's picture

Submitted by christag on Mon, 07/30/2012 - 8:58pm

Amen. Add to that its important to respect their parents and their elders and not to spread gossip to poison others against their parents.

My skids have this outward appearance of completely upstanding people who can do no wrong. They all went to good colleges, have good jobs. One is a lawyer.

They're horrible, horrible people but everyone assumes that if they have problems with their dad getting remarried and refuse to even speak to me that there's a good reason for it.

atpeace's picture

Submitted by atpeace on Mon, 08/27/2012 - 7:30am

wow how ironic this was the tone of our conversation this weekend...everything posted by Anon is what my SO is dealing or detaching from...my question/comment as a woman (who also has her own adult son/raised on my own) why would you teach your child those things? What are preparing them for except failure...life is not a bed of roses and unfortunately those entitled people FAIL as soon as they hit their first road block and never learn becuase they don't HAVE to...it is beyond me and too frustrating to deal with which is why I am on the road to complete detachment and so is my SO although I do see a lot of disappointment on his face and in his mood...the reason being he realizes he is 1/2 to blame since he never stood up when he wasn't in agreement while raising them when what they were being taught! this weekend he said he needed to go see a doctor to get rid of his guilt and to learn how to deal with what he is seeing from his daughters...he really is very remorseful for not preparing them for reality...responsible for their disrespect and wants to improve it all but at a loss as to how to start since it is so far gone...any advise? and is it worth it? can it be saved? I have my views but would like to hear from others.