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At what point do you stop?

Newimprvmodel's picture

This is a real question that pertains to both me and my DH. One of his daughters has always had a very rejecting relationship with him. Yet he continues to hang in through it all.  Mercifully she lives thousands of miles away and he has not seen her in close to 3 years. I even offered to pay airfare for her and boyfriend but was turned down. That should tell you something?  The last time we saw her we had to drive her 3 hours somewhere. That was a doozy. She sat in the front passenger seat me driving DH in backseat. She put on sound canceling head phones for the WHOLE car ride. 
She now has a child that is 2 1/2. DH has never seen and not even on FaceTime much. He's always calling her maybe gets a response once month?

With me, one of my kids is also very rejecting. He does have spectrum issues is closer with my ex than me. I hate to say it but my ex takes him and his SO out to fancy dinners. We see him for holidays and that's it. I try calling.  He doesn't answer even if I text. He is sullen and miserable at the dinner table. I don't chase him. Maybe I should but life is too short. It was hard raising a child who gave nothing back.  Does that sound harsh?  He lived here until 19.  
DH is a better person than I am. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

How long have they been rejecting?  Has it always been this way?

Depending on their ages and length of rejection, it could be a phase of young adulthood or it could be something else. 

Birchclimber's picture

In my experience,  the more you chase after/bend over to accomodate someone, the more they'll repel your efforts. 

I would just sit back, relax and enjoy the peace.  I think that they will come around once they realize that your pursuit of their company has waned. 


CLove's picture

With SD23 Feral Forger. She just called me names and told me she hates me and go eff off. So I wished her well and blocked her forever.

Rags's picture

Balance your interface to their level of effort.

I suppose I am fortunte. I reach out, when I get nothing in response I generally can shrug it off and get on with my day.  Though it does build for me and it does end up hurting.

I do lock on like a pit bull and do not let them off of the hook though. They know they are being dicks and I remind them.  I play the long game but don't allow it to overly impact me beyond a short experience of irritation.

e.g Haven't heard from you for a while.  I hope all is well. pleasantry, pleasantry, pleasantry, Love.....