At what point are they supposed to be adults?
My SD23 just finished college and got her first job. She is still irresponsible but acts like because she got good grades throughout college, that everything else doesn't matter. She got a degree in psychology. We have a polite yet tenous relationship. There was a blow-up involving her sister SD19 and things got bad. SD23 was yelling that I was abusive and manipulative and controlling. I will easily cop to the contolling part, I am a control freak. DH tolerates this b/c he is so laid back. I get thinhgs fone and make sure that everything and everyone are taken care of. Obviously, based on the extent of her complaints against me, this was not just something that popped into her head during an argument. I think it is laughable. She screamed at me for calling my DH "babe" which we call each other. She screamed that I was being manipulative calling him that. She went as far to call DH's Mom for her to check on him because SD23 was "worried" about him. I talked to DH's Mom and told her what happened and she laughed and througt it was ridiculous as well. WTF? Anyone else had to deal with a SD with a college degree who now knows everything? How do you respond to the nosense?
Perhaps since she is such a
Perhaps since she is such a know-it-all, miss degree in psychology should know for sure how unhealthy this dynamic is, find her big girl panites, pull them up and get her own place like the big girl that she is. Actually no perhaps, that was sarcastic. Find out the fastest way to get her out with a consultation from a lawyer that offers free ones and then give her the boot.
It’s a good rule to just
It’s a good rule to just remove toxic adults from your life. A parent has an obligation to provide a home for minor children. But NOBODY should have to accept a grown asshole living in their home.
Could you explain the
Could you explain the timeline, please? In your bio, you said you married your dh in 2016 and acquired your step-daughters in 2019. I'm confused...
Sorry
We met in 2013 and married in 2015. SDs have lived with us off and on since 2014. SD23 now lives with BM after last blow up (2 yrs ago) and SD19 lives with us.
My ss is 21 and 2nd year of a business degree
and has 2 more years to go.
he has suddenly become an expert about police reporting, investigations of missing persons and how embassies get involved if it involves said person being overseas or involving other nationals.
its actually laughable because i have dealt with embassies and many govt depts in marrying my husband and applying for my kids to have my citizenship. Suddenly 21 yr old is so cocky, talking like an expert so condescendingly to his aunt and dad and the smirk on his face while he was saying it.
Everytime he behaves this way everyone is dead silent and no comment... we do not respond to what he says because he has no expertise and is an idiot. He is socially awkward, he is lazy, he is a failure to launch, he actually messages his dad when he has no money in his account so daddy can top it up yet this is the kid buying ps4’s with allowance money daddy gave for his uni studies to help buy books and buy food etc..
smart people know these pathetic skids are laughable and just no comment, catching them out on the hypocrisy and bs makes them important so don’t give them that is my opinion
Oh yea, this sounds a lot
Oh yea, this sounds a lot like my SD. Mine even got her first degree in psychology.
This is a difficult type -- others might think you're crazy because she's so lovely and accomplished, or at least not a drug addict or felon.
But this type of skid, like my SD, has been propped up too much by high-conflict parents trying to please her, so that degree further instills her sense of "EVERYONE STOP: I want to say something..." She's an ADULT now. She will test how much more she can demand now. It's the adult version of "Mom! Mom! Watch me dive into the pool! MOM! MOM! MOM! WATCH ME DIVE!!!"
This type will not be ignored. Ever. Or dad will pay. And to remind dad of that, the skid constantly hates stepmom/girlfriend and keeps a constant tension in the relationship so dad always feels as if skid is giving him the gift of tolerating stepmom, but skid can take that away and make him really choose at any moment. The kid is constantly testing her power to bend dad to her will, even about things as little has insisting that stepmom is excuded from visits or she constantly cancels/reschedules plans you make with her only to not show up again. Such an ugly cycle.
Mine is an only child of an overbearing BM who alienated her from her father saying his new girlfriend (me) would take him from her. SD might have seen for herself that it wasn't true if she had given me a chance, but SD's a drama queen and indulges her moods, just like BM. She could never just be decent to me for any long period of time. And SD's blowups at me...literally almost broke our marriage. Ugly, ugly stuff that is still painful even as I write this.
Can you disengage? That's where we landed a decade after marrying. I say don't wait. It's a godsend!
I would be unbelievably
I would be unbelievably annoyed by this. First of all, none of my kids, bio or otherwise have a say in my relationship. Period. They can have an opinion of course, but unless I ask for it they can keep it to themselves because it's not their business.
Second, I could care less if someone has a certain degree. Lots of dumb people manage to get degrees and being able to parrot back information from a book is different than actually being intelligent and being able to use critical thinking skills to apply learned information to different situations. And even if she gets a job related to it - not everyone is good at their job.
I would just straight up tell her that her opinion on someone else's relationship is irrelevant and stop responding after that.
I love this response
So true lacking the critical thinking skills, thinking outside the box, being able to improvise and be independent. A degree or masters means bugger all if you lack life skills but some truly believe you have a degree and you are master know it all of everything and expert in all kinds of things when you are not
The degree
SD got violently angry with me when I knew an answer on Jeopardy and slammed the door in my face. Ya, she had a degree in an art related field which made her 'knower of all' and much, much smarter than me. She informed me of this often. When I retired as a Designer I took up art and excelled. I think it pushed her over the edge. She expected everyone else to treat her 'special' like her parents did so she couldn't keep a job for more than a year. Always someone elses fault. Last I heard she no longer works at all.
It part of BM and BF job in parenting there kids
To make said kids ready to become a real person at some point. That your SO fault. You can disengage from her. Keep her out of your home. And make like she doesn’t exist
How do you respond to nonsense?
Well, the problem is she is a psych major and has challenged you to psychological warfare. So how do you respond?
For her plan to work, you have to get rattled and start doing all sorts of nonsensical things and runaround and be paranoid or keep things to yourself.
So respond by avoiding kneejerk moves and rbring up everthing she says nonchalantly at the dinner table where all can hear. Keep it casual and friendly. Don't engage in conversations with her ilf no one else is around. This is a form of "disengaging". You don't have to take back things you have given her, because that makes you look petty. Let her be petty by herself and don't be moved by what she does. If you find you have been blocked on FB, soy oh, I had no clue and keep smiling.