Well, I come home from my counseling session to find DH
on the phone with Twit consoling her because her new daughter-in-law doesn't want to come for Thanksgiving and isn't she terrible.
This went on for several minutes with him consoling her and listening to how terrible DIL is etc. when I had had enough. I walked over t him, took the phne out of his hand and hung it up!
I told him I was in counseling over that person and I didn't need my house polluted (yes, that is the word I used) by he constant invasion and carp.
AND, if he didn't like it he could leave any time.
Well, that was a tad strong but heck, enough is enough. Needless to say I got the cold shoulder the rest of yesterday and so far today.
Here I am working out my frustration, fear, anxiety about this cretin and he's on the phone with her RIGHT after I have a counseling sessin!
I thought about going back up to DD's but then I think I will get him a one way plane ticket back to crazy land and he can go there and listen to her bleat for as long as he wants. THIS IS MY HOME!
Seems like I've been in this
Seems like I've been in this spot before and I don't like it.
Oh, he yelled at me that he was JUST LISTENING to her. Yes, that he was, but he was also reinforcing her about how terrible the DIL was by just listening and sympathizing with her.
I know that is not my problem and trust me I am not going there, but it is the same thing that he use to do to me and just the fact that she pollutes my space is more than unwelcome.
There is a reason people stay away from Twit.....keeping their sanity is one of them.
My DH has his conversations
My DH has his conversations away from me, which is both good and bad. It leaves me occassionally thinking they talk about me, (I know he has in past years); but on the otherhand, the peacefulness of not even thinking they exist to me is priceless. There is no reason for him to hide his conversations unless he has something to hide; but on the otherhand, do I want to know what crazy mess he and his dysfunction are up to? And, maybe it is not all about me...and, even if it is, who cares? I am at peace. That is what matters. The door is open if he wants to walk and he is going no where fast...they know that too now, so does Twit; though none stop trying...I give them an E for effort, at least. I do not want to read any more insulting FB posts, therefore I blocked FB. If friends try to tell me what is being written about me, I simply tell them I do not care, the relationship is over. They can enjoy their sick game of cat and mouse without me.
Ask him to keep his family negativity away from your world of promise, including his DD. You know it will never change; she will always be miserable or making somebody else around her that way. When you are no longer the target, she will always find somebody to elevate her low self esteen and insecurities. How better indirectly harrass you than to call up daddeee for more of his garanteed enmeshed, biased symphathy, at the same time. Win/win....for her, and now you are engaged again!
It is not perfect, far from ideal; but no contact, no knowledge of the bs... is managable for me. Give it some thought....
I can understand you snapping
I can understand you snapping and getting upset especially after counseling. You have a lot of emotions to learn to cope with and glad that you are making it known that you are not entertaining or want any part of the toxic dysfunction. Continue therapy and taking care of you!
If she's allowed to,
If she's allowed to, eventually she will get something from him. You can block her calls.
Why does he
feel the need to have to be her sounding board? Until he disengages himself, this will not improve.
Agreed. Isn't that what
Agreed. Isn't that what friends are for?
Yep, that is what friends are
Yep, that is what friends are for. Unfortunately THAT person does not have any except her pot and pan team.
Can't blame you one bit!
You have already informed DH that you do not want to be exposed to Twit's negativity and crazy B.S. He has openly admitted to you that Twit's calls are invasive, and have a disastrous effect on your marriage and on you. And yet there he is - again - placating her on the phone in front of you. He should have said, "Twit, I have to go", and hung up when you entered the house, this should be standard procedure. He has a right to speak with his Daughter on the phone but not when you are present. Clearly your DH has something going on that is not your job to figure out. Almost like an addiction. He needs to agree to visit a therapist on his own - soon.
I have no idea if my DH is in contact with SD or not. If they phone each other I am not exposed to the conversation - and it works out just fine.
You let DH know you are serious - stop it or you are out. It's time for him to make a choice.
^^^This^^^
I couldn't agree more. Sandye summed it up perfectly.
For your H to be on the phone entertaining Twit when you get home from the therapy you need due to Twit is just...the height of stupidity and insensitivity.
Maybe it is time for an ultimatum: either he gets back in therapy, or he gets the boot.
BINGO Sandye. He can talk to
BINGO Sandye. He can talk to her any time he wants to as long as I am not present AND I don't want to know about any of her carp, life, Drunkie problems and now how her DIL wants a life with her new husband separated from Twit (gee, can't imagine why)
And that is what I told him. He should have hung up when I came in knowing where I had just been and how this carp affects me. To which his response was that I am making too much of it as she personally isn't here. He doesn't get it! and that is frustrating.
Good for you for hanging up
Good for you for hanging up on her!!!! Your DH obviously doesn’t understand how close he is to being sent packing for good. I think you are close to my age (72 for me). There are too few years left for us to waste.
I wish you the best.
Notasm3 - You can take the
Notasm3 - You can take the close out of there. I have been thinking all day about asking him to leave for good; but won't do that without talking to a lawyer first and maybe my counselor before doing such a drastic move. Sometimes anger and emotions cloud one's brain and right now I am fuming.
Bravo!!!!
Bravo!!!!
Let DH pout his way through it and stand your ground.
This is awesome!
Well Played.
What I have told DH is I don
What I have told DH is I don't care the when, where, why of her calling BUT it can't happen when I am around PERIOD. That I am tired of the excuses about how no one else in the family wants anything to do with her, he worrys about her, etc.
To which I responded: What about me??? Look what this has driven me to, I shake, I cry, I am angry and yet I am suppose to let the problem be part of my home and life? In all honestly I used a few four letter words that are not in my vocabulary to make my point on how upset I was. As my DD will tell you, if you ever hear me use one of those you better head for the hills because it means I am really pizzed.
DH knows I don't talk like that so he knows just how upset I am.
He id avoiding me, keeping low and silent and hoping, I am certain, that it will blow over. It won't
Stay Strong SDM
SDM, You are NOT being unreasonable. You are only asking that DH refrain from talking to Twit on the phone when you are present. A small request. Her complaints about the new DIL can hardly be considered an emergency so there is no reason why he can not cut the phone conversation short and tell her he will call later if he feels compelled to do so. Your DH seriously needs therapy for what appears to be an overwhelming need to communicate with Twit and not allow her to take on the adult responsibility of resolving problems on her own. Have you asked DH to go for therapy on his own?
I truly hope DH gains clarity
I truly hope DH gains clarity and soon. I hope that he writes her off at least for all times that you are with him.
He has to understand that he is at extreme risk of losing his marriage. He can both maintain contact with she who shall not be named and preserve his marriage but it will take him separating those two parts of his life completely. He owes you that. You are his bride.
Take care of you.
So I have to ask: Is this
So I have to ask: Is this what the rest of our lives consist of? I can't stand my SDs and wish I'd never met my husband and life was as it was, so I could've met someone else that had respectful, loving children. There, I said it. I'm a gutless wonder, I guess, or I'd be down the road.