I don't blame you one bit for blowing up at her. She was pushing pushing pushing, and then got her little feefees hurt when she didn't like what you had to say. Your DH will have to get over it. His ADULT daughter should not be assuming she will get anything from you. Now or ever. And the garage sale? Good grief. What is the matter with this woman?

Stay strong!

good for you. she deserves that. she has no business insinuating that she will get your stuff when you're gone. what a biatch.

I hope your DH doesn't go suck up to her. He should back you up and tell her off too!

I can relate. I got tired of my own bios/SS talking about who got this/that.

I found it rude and offensive. Hey Kiddies, Im still alive and not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I've not heard a single word about any items for quite a while now. Not after I told them all I'd smash all my breakables. When finshed I'd take a chain saw to the wood items. Shut them up real quick.

Shesdrivingme, saying it to her is not the problem. The problem is you left it so long to say it.

Your husband is not talking to YOU. really. YOU should not be talking to him. His daughter had no right to say that, he needed to say, Twit, that was rude, you are not entitled to any of shesdrivingme's things, apologise. But no, he stood up for her against you when she was clearly in the wrong. And you wish you'd kept your mouth shut. I wish you'd opened it sooner.

Now however while your husband is not talking to you would be a great time for you to talk to him, to tell him how it's going to be, what you will no longer tolerate from him or her. Now is the time for you to stand up for yourself once and for all.

The bloody cheek of him not talking to you because his daughter is a greedy rude little cow and he allows it. She is an embarrassment to her father, her husband and herself, and it's time you let DH know it.

You are acting like you are in the wrong here, wishing you hadn't said it. Your DH will pick up on that and use it against you. You are nit in the wrong. Don't apologise because she provoked you, let your husband have both barrels, the nerve of him not talking to YOU.

I would have done the same thing. Tell your dh when he calms down what you just wrote. We had a weird thing happen. DSS was dating a very strange chick who asked me what would SS get if DH and I died. I was so shocked I asked her to repeat and she did! I told her it all goes to my cousin, SS already had his inheritance from his bm.
It was one of the more freakier skid related things.

Um, she's 48? You wouldn't happen to be the stepmom of my BM would you? I know for a fact my BM's like this and her father's wife can't stand her behavior especially since she does cry and bawl if something doesn't go her way.

I agree this was SO overdue.

Anyone who is so rude, crass and just unbelievably stupid as to question what you are going to leave them deserves to be horsewhipped. ESPECIALLY when it is someone not even related to you.

I've posted this before - but when a friend's step daughter in law asked her what she was going to do with her jewelry when she died (at the time my friend was barely 50) - my friend answered "That won't be any of your concern."

My friend has no children but has four nieces that she is very, very close to. No way she would leave her stepson's stupid wife anything.

Your DH is like most men - let's avoid conflict at all costs.

I don't see one thing wrong with what you did. How hideously rude can one but as to pretty much state "Ooooh oooh ooooh I hope I get lots of stuff when you die."

I feel really uncomfortable when my parents bring up their potential demise and what to do with their estate. Does Twit have ocd?

The best part about all this?

You will likely not see her for a long, long time. Maybe never again.

Well, She's Driving......it is not like we didn't see it coming. We knew she was being syrupy for a reason. I actually gasped out loud when I read what she said to you! Holy Cow!

She baited you so she could go running to DADDEEEEEEEE again and get his attention back because her narcissitic feeing supply has been way low.

Let us know how today goes for you! Big hugs!!!!!!

In your previous blog in regards to twit being ever so sweet, I did say that I felt her narcissism was showing and daddy would swallow it hook line and sinker.

My own husband is the same. Not that his spawn of Satan ever tried to be sweet, she was so secure in being daddy's numberv1, she just thought she'd slit us up and she'd get him back. So why bother being nice to me.

She eventually had to get pregnant to try and get daddy back. She was uglier than ever then. She had a nuclear weapon in her uterus, she could not fail now. Baby was born and the boyfriend lets DH know if he wants to see it, then he has to make evil one happy, he has to leave me. Child was two last month DH and I saw it a day after it was born and he hasn't seen it since. Now I won't bother with my story. But, like your DH if my husbands daughter threw him a crumb, he'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe in a heartbeat. Given what has gone on here the last two years he knows bring that evil back into my life for so much as a second and it's over, our marriage is finished.

Your husband DOES know what his daughter is doing. That's why he gets defensive and fights with you. He is angry you point out her flaws. He knows what she's like, but is ashamed and wants to bury them under the carpet. That's why if she shows one little glimmer of being normal ge gets all excited and focuses on it. That's why he wants to forget her crap. It's all about his feelings.

You have more power in this than you realise. Use it. Stand up for yourself and set some standards of behaviour from your husband, not her.
Your husband needs to support you or this woman will destroy you. There. Is a blog on here you may want to read. We could all end up in this woman's shoes if WE don't start to have some respect for ourselves.

Your husband knows what she is doing to you, now you need to demand he fix it or she stays away. It's not your job to fix his kid, it's his.

I will come back with the name of that post I think you should read.

The post is - He's dead and she's finally out of my life. It is written by. dunwiththem. None of us need to go where she went. We just need to grow some balls and demand our husbands take theirs back from this other woman in their lives, their adult daughters.

EBU 'a nuclear weapon in her uterus' never a truer word spoken.
Once the rot has set in, it stays in. If you have one at aged 12 - no matter what so called 'experts' and f**i*g psycologist analalgists say about 'the poor, misunderstood child blah blah' you will have one at aged 30 - or 50. They do not mature. They do not lose their sense of entitlement (He's MY DADDY and you're NOT HAVING HIM).
Hesdrivingme, you don't know how much I'm feeling for you. You DH is playing piggy in the middle. He's not doing you or his daughter any favours. A woman of her age crying to daddy with constant drama! It's ridiculous, and it will never end.
I even left my DH (the love of my life) for two years SOLELY because I could not take it anymore. What did he tell people? She's JEALOUS of my daughter!!!!!
I only ever wanted a peaceful, happy, well blended family life.
I got back with him 2 years before he died. He told me he knew 'what she was like'. Within 2 months everything was back to normal. She was even more determined to make my life a misery and he just could'nt/wouldn't see through it. The little kids were used relentlessly to her own ends. It's sickening.
It's ALL about boudaries. If your DH never set any - through guilt, weakness or whatever - then he's not about to change now.
What I am saying is that, although this forum is centering on nasty adult step children - 90% of the problem lies with the DH.
Because - although we can all understand how hard it is for a young child to accept their mum and dad splitting up, and either one bringing a partner in, as that child matures they (if they are mentally healthy and well ajusted) will want to see their parent happy. That is it. The ones that don't are the ones with problems that they will, and do, inflict on your relationship for evermore. It's nasty and it's heartbreaking, but it never ends. The ONLY one who can stop it is DH.
For the record, I think it was disgusting she alluded to getting 'your things' if she waited, and you're no way to blame for calling out her sorry arse.
If your DH wants to keep you, he needs to up his game quite considerably. Hell, his daughter has her OWN man to go crying to. Tell him to email me!!!

Yes donewiththem a woman that age crying to daddy is ridiculous, the daddy who laps it up is even more so. The child who never out grew her need for daddy always has a daddy who never outgrew the need for the adulation of a 2 year old daughter. They are both narcissists

By the way, as much as I hate to burst your bubble, I do have to prepare you. Your DH calming down and being nice, if he runs true to type, it's not about him thinking about what you said and thinking maybe your right. It's about realising he once again in the heat of the moment showed his true colours. Now he needs to pull his head back in because he might lose his comforts, his home, his comfy life with you. He doesn't want to lose twit, but he sure as hell wouldn't want to live with her. If he again runs true to type, then when he spoke to twit outside, it was so you couldn't hear him tell her best she doesn't come in because your still carrying on. He would be still backing her up to her face, but calming you down at the same time, therefore making his life comfy and easier. These guys love two women fighting over them, they get off on it, they encourage it, and they are never going to change. Don't play his game anymore, ban her, have nothing to say about, or do with her, don't talk to him about her, to you she doesn't exist, you are just one of the pawns in his game of "how good am I, these women are fighting over me". Just withdraw from the battlefield and stop feeding the monster. Let him have his garage sale at her house. If you see her at auctions, ignore her. If there is business to be done with her, let him do it.

Shesdrivingme I am so glad you finally found the courage to stand up for yourself. I am so very sorry that it hurts so much right now.

I promise you, that the life full of past hurts from your DH supporting her, worse telling you to apologise to her IN FRONT OF HER no less, was going to continue. She is what 49, 50, you know she will not change now. In fact the older she gets, the worse she will get. Twit may very well have just put the final nail in the coffin of her own marriage with this.

You have finally put an end to his abuse. If he chooses to remain with his daughter instead of you, well, it is far better you find this out now, than spend the rest of your life being married to a man who loves his daughter above his wife. It was not only the highest of insults to ask you to apologise for her outrageous behaviour, but to do it in front of her, well that just encourages her to keep it up, that is daddy telling her in no uncertain terms, he supports her, she was right, and YOU were wrong. Nothing can change while he has this attitude. You deserve better, far better. Thank God your daughter is coming to stay for a few days with the grandkids. It will give you time to think things over and hopefully a better perspective on things. You should not have to spend your entire married life with the grim reaper in your home waiting to grab your stuff. You should not have to worry about your stuff or things you want your daughter to have being stolen by Twit. In fact now may be a great time while daddy is living with her to pack up her ashtray and other gifts and POST them back to her. Let both of them see you are truly done with her. If daddy chooses to side with or believe her over you, well let him. No man is worth putting up with the mental angst and anxiety this woman is causing you, especially one who is running back to his daughter instead of staying in a hotel or with friends,. He is showing her the cracks she helped him put in your marriage. She will do her utmost to go in for the kill. UNLESS she knows you have the money. In that case she's not going to be happy about this. Either way, you need to be completely finished with accepting this abuse from her, stay away and keep her away from your home. It is time for you to be treated with the respect you deserve.

Please take care. Remember this old very true saying. If you love someone set them free, if they were yours, they will come back to you, if they don't, well they were never yours. It is better to find out now before you waste one more minute of your life, if he really loves you, if he is really yours, or if he is not your husband, but just her daddy. He is a very silly stupid man. You deserve far better. Far better.

Remember you have support here, people who know exactly what you are going through. Who know the kind of man you are married to and how much it hurts, how hard it is, and how much it wears you down. We too are there for you. Well done in taking the first and the hardest step.

Sweetheart, you have done the right thing. This has gone no far far too long. You have somehow found the courage to dictate some terms in your marriage instead of handing all the power to him. Don't ever go back on this now. You will be crushed if you do. You have tolerated enough for him, you allowed her in your home, to make him happy. Instead of him appreciating that, he then continued to expect you to take her abuse, and he continues to support her in abusing you.

Twits husband was more of a husband to you the other day, he supported and by having his hand on your shoulder showed you support, YOUR supposed husband did not. Twits husband is not going to like this latest turn of events.

Please don't cry for him. Cry with relief that this will finally be over for you. With or without him, you never have to have her in your home again. Now that you found the amazing strength to do that, to tell him no more, it's her or you, don't go back on what you have said. You are in the right here. Sure I get that these men have us so emotionally bullied and abused, we always think that sonehow some way, we are at fault. WE ARE NOT. thinking we are is the mental and abuse they put in our heads talking. You have made the hardest decision, you've done it now, and well done to you.

We are here for you She's Driving! Your cup is full right now and it was bound to spill over and cause tears. Just remember Twit isn't even worth your tears. She wins. Hugs dear!

Twit I feel has signed her own death warrant. The old saying never wish to hard for what you want, you just might get it.

Daddy will stay with twit a few days, her sweetness will be overpowering. Daddy may decide to stay with twit. That will be the beginning of the end for daddy and twit. Twit cannot sustain the niceness, when daddy gets the financial side sorted out, and twit sees there's not as much as she wants, she will turn on daddy like the viper she is. Daddy will want his life back. Hopefully shesdrivingme's moved on.

Big (((HUGS)))!!! This will be the hardest time for you but keep telling yourself you deserve better. I agree with EBU, Twit is hammering the nail in the coffin of the relationship she and her Father will have, and when her husband objects to daddy living there, I'll bet she won't jeopardize her marriage for DH either. Just hang in there! (((HUGS))) again!

SDM, it's hard, isn't it, when you love the man. But all the good and wise souls here are right when they say stand your ground.
I left DH for 2 years - same shit, different shovel.
Although we were still running a business together, my day to day life was so much more peaceful and stress-free during that time. I missed him, yes, and I suppose I hoped he would turn up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness, that he'd seen through Daisy and realised what a fool he'd been all this time. It never happened. She was beside herself with glee. Now there were no holds barred on what she could get financially, how she could use him for endless baby-sitting and odd-jobs, lifts on nights out etc etc whilst all the time convincing him she was right about me all along. What a horrible person SM is to go off and leave you. I told you she would break your heart blah blah blah. It just about sent frustration levels off the scale, especially when she had him, her cronies and his family believing she was poor little miss innocent!
To cut a long story short, I did re-unite with him for the last 2 years of his life. His cancer had returned but it was by no means terminal at that point. I had a good idea of the outcome though - because I researched it at length - but he had no idea and never for a moment thought it would beat him.
Anyway, when we first got back together, he assured me he 'knew what she was like'. He even admitted that he knew the 'bad feeling' was coming from her.
We were blissfully happy - for all of 2 months. Then she started turning the screws again. Deviously and with startling cleverness she slowly manipulated him, using the children, back to where she wanted him. I decided to do and say nothing. It wouldn't have made any difference, and I knew this would end sooner or later.
My point is, SDM, no matter how many talks, arguments, agreements you go through, nothing changes - not for any length of time. So you need to be very sure in your mind if you would, over all, be happier living without him (peace & freedom - you can't buy that!) or whether the happiness you have in between these episodes is worth staying for. That's what it boils down to.
Good luck with it all and I hope it works out right for you whichever path you take. ((hugs))

Nothing, nothing is worth staying with a man who would demand you apologise to his daughter for upsetting her because you had the cheek to be upset that the vulture had repeatedly mentioned she wants your stuff and if you'd just die real soon, that'd be great. NOTHING.

WE stay, we hope, we pray one day daddy will see it wasn't us, it was his daughter. We hope until we make ourselves sick that one day he will notice how badly we are being treated and stand up to his daughter tell her to stop and to continually tell her to stop each and every time she crosses the line till either she stops, or she doesn't come back anymore. We don't have any particular scenario in mind as to which way it stops, we just want it to stop.

We suspect, but we put the blinders of love for DH on so we don't have to acknowledge that DH sees it all, but does nothing because he'd rather watch his wife be humiliated, isolated, ignored and totally disrespected, than say one word to his daughter because he wants his daughter to like him. He wants that more than he loves his wife. He cares so much about what he wants that no one and nothing else matters, only him. His needs, his wants. He lies to both these women, wife and daughter to keep the status quo. A man like this never changes. We are so different from them it can often take us years to get it. We have no concept of a love so strong for ones self that a person is prepared to destroy wife, marriage and ultimately the daughter he professes love

To stay means developing a stronger sense of self than you can ever imagine. It requires becoming at some level the bully instead of the bullied. Which does not come naturally to the type of women these men marry, they marry the softy, they smell that in us and see it as a weakness, they can manipulate us so well. It means not letting anything go, nothing at all and standing up for yourself each and every time it is required, even if they so much as roll their eyes at you. It means constantly making damn sure he does not disrespect you at any level. It means sheer hard and constant work and that will never end, because as I have said they will NEVER change, you will forever have to be vigilant. .

Can you do it, do you even want to.

Do not discuss this with twit. Do not return her calls,if you happen to pick up a call accidently from her, hang up immediately. THIS IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS. The hard reality is, she didn't cause this to happen, your husband did. Had he responded to her appropriately instead of taking her side and expecting you to apologise, this would not have happened.

As ugly as this is to hear. Nothing's changed, your DH has been confiding in her, and all his talking wouldn't have been about this one incident. She still, after the trouble she's started, feels superior and arrogant enough to want to discuss your marriage with you. Nothing has changed.

I did say earlier I think she may well have put the nail in the coffin of her own marriage with this and I still think so. I know DHs daughters boyfriend was terrified I would throw DH out and he'd get him. I know I could never live in the same house with two narsasists, living with one is almost impossible, two, no one can cope with. Can you imagine living with twit and DH 24/7. Twits husband now has to live with the two of them.

Your DH would need to come crawling back with promises of leaving twit far behind for me to even contemplate taking him back. But the problem you have is that even that could easily be orchestrated by twit. If her DH is putting on the pressure she will teach daddy what to say to manipulate you into taking him back. It will all be lies of course so twit can get things the way she wants them. If she succeeds, that feeds her narcissism that makes her worse.

Give yourself plenty of time. In your financial situation you don't need him, you certainly don't need his emotional abuse, nor do you need to be second best in his life to another woman. If you give yourself all the time you need to sort through this, you may find that you really don't want him anymore.

Whatever you decide, please factor in in your decision making process, that NEITHER HE NOR TWIT WILL EVER CHANGE. Do you want this till the grave. Do you always want to be worrying about what she is manipulating your husband to do behind the scenes, do you want to be constantly stocktaking your possessions, and worrying about what will happen to them.

A life with DH will require all the work and emotional energy I stated in my last post. It will mean at the end if DH goes first a certain amount of dunwiththems treatment, or maybe even worse, because you will not even get to bury your DH in peace. His funeral will be all about her. Certainly not you, not even DH. HER. This never ends. That is why my husbands daughter is gone forever out of my life. I cannot, will not deal with two of them. Living a with a narcissist, is one of the hardest things you can ever do. Living with a narcissist who has raised his daughter to be one also, well that's even harder, because these women not only deeply love and care for only themselves, they have daddy encouraging and supporting their egotistical behaviour. Daddy has no one supporting him in that, certainly not the daughter, she's to busy getting what she wants to care about daddy, he's just a tool she uses. So with daddy's support, her narcissism is fuelled with an over inflated sense of entitlement, an indignant sense of self righteousness and arrogance. My husbands daughter at 19 was like this, we parted ways when she was 29 and she was still like this. Two years after the birth of her nuclear weapon, no phone call to daddy to say, sorry, I should not have put you in that position, so she's still like that. Do you think twit pushing 50 is ever going to change.

My husband will never change, if he thought there was a snowballs chance in hell he'd get away with it, he would have that evil back in our lives today. But, because he's looking after himself, he doesn't attempt it. Your husband will never change. Women like twit and the spawn of Satan my husband raised, will never change. They cannot, please understand, they are incapable of it. Even when their back is up against the wall as is my husbands, and after 6 months of continuing counselling, he still doesn't get it, so how can he change, change what, he is doing everything right.

Funny note to finish on, but an important one to highlight what I mean by being vigilant and the hard work involved in staying.

Last night as I was washing my face DH came into the bathroom, stood there for a few seconds then turned off the running water. He's done this in the past, and I've just turned it on again and let it go. This time, I turned it on again and when I was finished came out and told DH never to do that again, trying to CONTROL how I wash my face stops now. He defended himself with, but I don't like you running all that water. Now this is a man who every morning has a full 15 minute shower. I told him I don't give a shit about that, never again tell me how to wash my face. Now to remind him I was serious, picked it up again this morning. My showers are a get in get washed and out 5 minute job, after 5 minutes I walked into the bathroom, his head was full of shampoo and his eyes closed, I leaned in and shut off the water. Can you imagine, when he stopped carrying on, i said, i don't like the length of time you take to shower or the huge amount of water you use for 15 minutes every day. If it is fine for you to decide how long I can wash my face for, it's fine for me to decide how long you shower for. Now i am sure this will happen at least once more before he gets it. But I will keep it up till he does.

This is bloody hard. It is like dealing with a two year old. This is how it will always be. My life for as long as i stay will be like raising a two year old and training him to treat people with respect, that its not all about him, there are other people in the world. He of course, will never develop to a stage where he just gets that, it will be constant lifelong reminders.

You are far better off financially than I am. Should I go now, I would have no home and not enough to buy one outright, and only a pension of around $500 a fortnight to live on. I won't put myself there without a fight. I seem to be winning at the moment, and I suspect with DH wanting nothing but the best for himself, that will always be the case. But it is a hard life, I do not want the behaviour I am forced to manage DH with to become part of me. I don't want to turn into him and treat everyone like I am special your not.

So I have two full time jobs, managing a narcissist, and making sure I don't become one.

Think long and hard about bringing them back into your life. Because even if he leaves her physically behind, he will NEVER leave her behind in his mind and heart. You will always be fighting the demon

That said, if you stay and are prepared to end the marriage, emotionally prepared, you may just cope with it. I now believe that if DH leaves and I struggle financially, well so what, a financial struggle would be better than the emotional one I was living in before banning sd. so if it looked like going back there, I'd be gone. I can live without him now. That is how I can stand up for myself now, I have lost the fear of losing him, and found some self respect.

LOL, you reminded me, DH used to check the recycling bin too. He stopped last year after I chucked a full bag of r
Household rubbish into the recycling and filled the household bins with bottles etc., I actually went through the recycling bin earlier that day and re arranged things. He backed off after that.

Dunwiththem, seriously, for the moment I have never been calmer or less stressed than I am now. Who knows what the morrow brings, but at the moment, I can happily laugh at his stupidity, and be grateful that I was never born and raised the way he has been. It's all good right now, cause, I look after me first, I worry about my feelings, I see myself as being important. Fancy that eh! , hopefully each day will only serve to see me get stronger and stronger. I survived the narcissist. Well done to me. Now to stay on top, and guess what I've realised, the narcissist needs me more than I ever needed him, he had me bluffed for years and years. The love blinders are off and I see him for what he is. A bully. I have stood up to the bully and like all bullies, he has backed down.

Doormat.....applause.......

She has, if you read her earlier posting, she has asked him to leave while she sorts herself out.

I'm happy for you that you are getting a break from twit and daddy. I can only imagine how weird it must feel without DH there but you are doing the right thing. I just want to state the obvious; under no circumstances should you answer twits calls. Your marriage is none if her business. If she's trying to apologize then it is too late. She should've apologized years ago. I wouldn't give this piece of $h!t the time of day if I were you unless she gave a full, heart-felt apology in regards to this situation and for all the other times that she has abused you. This apology is to be given in front of her father which we know will never happen due to her personality disorder and enabling behavior on behalf of DH. amazing how step-twit can write a nasty letter, daddy gets mad and then forgives her quickly when the crying little baby twit comes crawling back for daddy's love and adoration. You make him mad for calling out twit as she deserved and he gets mad at you and is less apt to forgive you as easily as he forgives his twit. Maybe you should start crying constantly and see if he treats you like his personal twit since he apparently can't handle crying. Twit knows this and that's why she bawls like a baby in a dirty diaper who needs a change and a bottle. Its all designed to manipulate him.
A 50 year old crying to daddy is disgusting and disturbing. Why does DH think its ok for her to make comments about having to wait to inherit your stuff when you die because you won't relinquish your belongings when you are alive? Then she says she's joking and he believes her? Before you know it, your DH will make an excuse for her because she takes anti-depressants (which is not bad, I've taken them too) and is going to say what my DH says about step-satan; "she's mentally ill and therefore should not be held responsible because her mind doesn't work right". Makes me want to throw up every time. Many people suffer from depression, bipolar, schizophrenia and they know right from wrong but in my case, my step-$!ut gets to play this excuse. I only bring this up because I know twit likes to blame her bad behavior on not taking her meds. Frustrating!
I really do wish you the best. I hope DH gets his head out if twits toosh and comes to his senses soon. I get the strong feeling that you love your husband very much but that you also love yourself enough to walk away. I hope this doesn't happen. You take care and enjoy your time with your own beautiful, classy and caring daughter.
Amber

The crying thing will never work with She's Driving because DH still sees Twit as a child. She's Driving is 'the adult'. I know it's hard to beleive considering that she is 50! Unbelievable!!!

If twit were to apologise on bended knee in front of daddy, in a courtroom swearing own a bible, or in front of God himself, it wouldn't be genuine, she is incapable of thinking of anyone but herself. If Twit apologises, and yes, she might give one, it would all be about getting something for twit. She will never be one bit sorry for any harm she has caused SDM. She will never change. She has shown you what she is, she is almost 50. She will be like this at 100. Twit needs to be nothing more in your life than a bad memory.