Well I am Safe, Cozy and Warm Up Here - H Has Been Calling
but, quite frankly, I am not inerested in talking to him. I mean why bother is nothing seems to change.
DD and I were watching a true crim show about a week ago and it was about that Jodi Arias. Some of the bizarre things she said and did reminded me of my cretin. Like Jodi going and doing a head stand after the detectives left the interigation room...bizarre! Made me think of my cretin dancing down my driveway while chanting she wasn't normal and never had been. This while some of my neighbors stood in their drivewa awestruck watching her! This behavior is rom a 50+ year old woman!!
Or how Jodi told an interviewer, when asked if she thought she would get the death penalty; "Why would they, I'm healthy and I don't smoke."!! Totally detached is what she was.
I didn't continue watching because it broght back too much carp for me right then. Alot of Jodi's problems didn't apply to my problem, but some really did.
Discussion
Did you have a conversation with him?
Nope - all calls go to my
Nope - all calls go to my voice mail. Sigh, I just know if I talk to him all my anger, resentment would flair up agains and the person who gets hurt would be me by all that.
I have no idea if his cretin has contacted him or not and I don't care. My thoughts is that when she changed her number he should have just walked away as she was making a statement - well, actually she was and is playing games with him - but it is up to him to stop it.
Meanwhile, up here the youngest GD, in her teens, wants a dog (and so do I) so we are going to the shelter after school tomorrow to see if they have one that fits us. We both want another big dog - lab preferrably. Told DD we want a young dog and I will pay for GK, I, and dog, to go to obedience school. That way I can also take the dog out for a walk without being pulled all over the neighborhood. As DD said, we all know how this is going to eventually end up --- it will be G'ma's dog. G'ma end up feeding it, walking it (except in winter) etc. Been there before with DD...LOL!
Wonderful!!!
SDM, you are an example to us all that we really DON'T need to put up with toxic BS - even from a DH. It's just nor worth it. I am SOOO glad for you that you (and GD) will be getting a furry friend! It is just amazing how just petting that soft fir and looking into a loving face can be so healing. Even in this message you were laughing a bit at possible outcomes of dog care. This is an important step up from the constant negative world you were living in. And it had absolutely nothing to do with you. It was DH's and T's problem all along. Please keep us posted about your new furry friend and the fun you have with your family. (((HUGS)))
I am not inerested in talking
I am not inerested in talking to him. I mean why bother is nothing seems to change.
And I would tell (text) him exactly that. "There is nothing to discuss since nothing has changed." He can correspond with your attorney.
Jodi is out there!
Can you block him even if
Can you block him even if just for a little while.......
Thanks for updating us. I'm
Thanks for updating us. I'm so glad you're settling in, and a dog sounds like a lovely addition.
You know that if there were a true emergency, your H would contact your daughter. So enjoy the peace, and focus on your new life.
You don't have to do one darn thing you don't feel ready to do, however I do hope that eventually you'll find a new therapist to help you continue the work of overcoming the PTSD.
Onward and upward!
Wishing you calm and peace in
Wishing you calm and peace in your new ‘normal’ life with your gorgeous family. I hope you both find a dog that suits you
Enjoy your family and the
Enjoy your family and the sanctuary from the TWIT storm.
You all know that othing
You all know that othing changes when nothing cha nges, so I changed things.
Our new doggie is about 3-4 years old, housetrained (great) and a real sweetie. GD named him Scully. He has already been to obedience school but we are all going to go together so we learn what he already knows. LOL. GD is over the moon and spoiling him - she gives him little treats while she does her homework so he sticks around her. They said he was food motivative and he is. Oh he is getting so much attention from our family he is going to fit right in.
As for H, I did take a call and told him not to keep calling, that it was upsetting me and I didn't want to deal with himi and his cretin and all their problems. He did get in that he hasn't hearom the cretin yet but I cut him short and told him I just can't do this any more as it is destroying me. I have given it chance after chance and the cretin always comes back one way or the other. Told him flat out she is bat-shit (and you all know I very seldom use those type of words) crazy and scares the begesus out of me. Both of us were crying when I hung up.
Now I realize I never asked him how he was etc. Not because I don't care, but because there is nothing I am willing to do about it now.
Deep breaths dear lady.
Deep breaths dear lady.
Keep the separation and keep taking care of you.
Have fun with Scully and your GD. Enjoy your decompression and your family.
And I don't know if Drunkie
And I don't know if Drunkie is in jail or whatever and I don't care and don't want to know. Though, since H doesn't have a phone number for T he doesn't know either. NOT MY PROBLEM!!
.
Nothing changes if nothing
Nothing changes if nothing changes. EXACTLY.
I am so happy you changed something!
Personally, I give and give and try and try...until I don't. When I am done, I am DONE. Sounds like you have hit done. I hope he stops wearing out your phone.
Enjoy your family and new doggie friend!
Congratulations
SDMC...congrats on your escape from Crazytown. You have escaped Twit and all of her enablers, which includes your DH. Enjoy your new life and your new pup and GD. And as others have suggested, don’t communicate with your DH until you feel strong enough to deal with the situation. Your DH can send messages through your DD if there is some sort of emergency.
Dear SDM
I have followed your story for a very long time. I am no longer a regular visitor to Steptalk although I like to dip in occasionally. May I applaud you on your insight and strength to break from DH even though your love for him makes this difficult. You are making the very best decision you can to prevent yourself from a lifetime of stress and anxiety. Your DH is not a bad man, just one that is too weak to see (or even want to see) the negatives of his daughter. Therefore, no matter his feelings for you, there will ALWAYS be a tug of war. You are in the wonderful position of having a loving and understanding family, willing to include you in their lives on a daily basis. Please embrace this new life in happiness. You should feel no guilt about DH. He had enough time to rethink everything. The move away was supposed to solve it, but it didn't. Just enjoy the rest of your life surrounded by those who truly love you. You are blessed.
Thank you, DunwithThem. I am
Thank you, DunwithThem. I am blessed by being with people who care about me, how I feel, etc. It is so nice to have an evening where we just laugh about things and no one (like th T) gets their undies in a bundle because she isn't the big kahuna. No one starts getting mean and nasty and makign snarky remarks for no reason.
Being with people who care about each other and do things for each other. Not someone (T) who only "thinks" about someone else when there is something in it for her or something she wants.
How refreshing not to have my H tell me taht I sholdn't feel bad when Twould snark me for no reason other than to be mean, and tel lme that I should be big about it.
How refreshing it is up here with the cooler mornings when I walk Scully - love getting up early because no one is up yet and the air is clean and crisp.
Have not talked to H. He has sent letters and what looks to be cards but I haven't opened them, just put them aside. I don't want to deal with that right now.
The only thing that has GD
The only thing that has GD iwasn't pleased with, but accepts, is that Scully wants to sleep in my room at night. Told GD that is because I am the one home with him most of the day and we (Scully and I) like to go out early in the morning. Told her that if he stayed wit her I would end up waking her up when I got Scully out of her room for his morning walk. Since she doesn't want to get up any earlier than she has to, that's fine with her.
I like dealing with her. She makes her point, I make mine and no one gets all upset, unpleasant or vindictive. All of which I experienced with T.
I was packing some journals away and fliopped through them and was shocked as some of the ways T acted towards me and her Father. The one that I read was when I wrote about her only asking dear Dad out for Father's Day was because she wanted him to put in new doors and windows for her! Her mode of operandus.....taking you out for a hamburger and then you owe her big for that. The days she wantd him to do that were in the 90's, but its all about her.
Oh well, that carp is over.
Glad to hear this
SDM, I write a journal also. Sometimes going back and re-reading them makes you aware of how strong you are / were, and how much you have really accomplished. Also how life can change in what seems a blink in time.
I am so glad for you that you are now living in a cocoon of love. And what a wonderful thing to have a furry friend you can take walks with. Living with 'normal' people though must further justify why you decided to leave DH. Can't blame you one bit for setting his messages aside. Your feeling were set aside for quite a while.
There have been times I have been hard on myself because I don't seem to have the ability to have a clever 'come back' at the spur of them moment or I can't think fast enough to do what i SHOULD have done. I'll stew over it for days. But when I re-read some of my journal entries I am amazed that there were a few magic moments when I said and did the right thing.
I admire you so much because you believed in yourself enough to call 'Enough' to the tiring and deflating game that DH was playing. Because of you, my marriage has taken a different turn. My expectations of DH have changed considerably. He seems to be slowly getting it but we still have our ups and downs. You showed me that there is no need to fear the unknown. You can be happy and not be married. So we shall see.
Comebacks are much easier
Comebacks are much easier under long distance COs. Particularly when there is a build up of information before there is any interface.
Don't beat yourself up over not having snappy comebacks. Their behaviors give you fodder for comebacks and application of consequences.
Take care of you.
Oh Rags, many a time we have
Oh Rags, many a time we have the comback but we also have the common sense not to use it. Sigh, sometimes it seems that common sense, in dealing with T, was not my best friend. And, many a time I figured, why say it, she is just so not worth the effort. Sadly creins with her thinking look at that as a weakness, not the strength and comon sense it is.
Yep Sandye, you are right
Yep Sandye, you are right about that. My other "favorite" was the one she tried to pull about our old car. We were purchasing a new car and knew that Fatso was looking for a good, reliable car (ours was in very good, well maintained condition with newer brakes and tires).
We decided that we would offer it to Fatso for what the dealer would give us for a trade-in. That was a VERY good price to Fatso. First thing out of Twits's mounth when we offered it ws that Fatso couldn't afford that much. Funny, when I told her that was going to be the eprice, take it or leave it, he had the $$ and needed to see if he could fit in it. Turns out he couldn't even get his one leg started into the car between the seat and steering wheel! Had to stop him from tring to force his body in and break the seat.
So, that didn't work out. H offered it to her as she was looking for a car instead of using her van all the time, but she said it wouldn't do her much good..she gets better mileage on the van.
Go and trade car in, come home and find a message with her calling, crying because she wanted the car. H actually felt sorry for her until I reminded him that he offered it and she said it didn't do her any good mileage wise. To bad, so sad (not).
What T was after was for us to GIVE her the car for FREE. In her talking with us that was the point she was trying to get to. I wrote about how I told H that my bottom line was the trade-in value, PERIOD!
Remember, her hubby makes a salary in the 6 figures so they are not poor by any means. As I wrote, T wasn't expecting us to act as fast as we did and figured good old Dad would eventually just give it to her.
As I finished that journal entry I wrote that I was actually glad it went the way it did because I could just hear T having a fit if something went wrong with that car at any time. It would be OUR fault that we sold her a bad car, etc.
SDM,
SDM,
It is refreshing and heartening to hear that you are happy in your new calm sane family focused life.
Keep taking care of yourself.