We are not your ATM machine
20 skid (almost 21) moved in with this GF 18 fairly recently. The nice thing about it is his rent when from $1000.00 a month to $500.00. So you think he would have some extra money and things would not be so tight. Wrong! I guess he just decides to spend more. DH took him shopping to buy him some clothes since he starts a new job this Monday, very nice of Daddy but really? Whatever. Spends $160.00 as a gift to skid, but then needs to take him to Walmart to buy toilet paper and other household needs and skid is broke so Daddy filled his car with gas, so spends another $120.00.
DH changed skid's car insurance to come out his bank account starting this month, I was there when he told him. It comes out as early as the 21st each month but can be as late at the 25th, he told him more than once even texted a picture of the policy with the amount to him. DH gets the text yesterday from skid that his car insurance bounced and he was trying to blame DH that somehow it is his fault. I guess skid got paid today his last cheque and it wasn't direct deposit, but he was able to show up at the insurance company before they closed. Bitching that his bank account got hit with a $50 NSF fee and his insurance company will hit him with another $50 fee. This is even after DH told him he can start paying the $250 monthly payments he owes on the car he bought from us in October instead of September.
I am just waiting for him to ask for rent money come the 1st of the month. He has been complaining to his dad that his hours were cut after he gave his 2 week notice at his current job.
Which is bullshit. He called in sick twice, slept in once, another day told him he had to got to the Doctor's because he injured his foot. His boss told him if his foot is really bothering him maybe he should stay home, and so skid stayed home for his last 3 days. The only reason I know is because I am friends with his boss's GF on FB, and I asked her to find out for me. So his cheque is less than half of what it should be, since he took a self directed holiday from work, and then he had to pay his car insurance. I figure he has about $300 leftover from being paid. Which he will not get paid again before the 1st of the month.
I will totally lose it if DH pays his rent and I am going to lose it if skid doesn't pay the car payment in October too.
I want DH to tell him no, and skid can go ask his BM for the money.
DH needs to stand firm on
DH needs to stand firm on this else it will set a precedent for how things will be from now on.At 21 he is an adult he needs to learn to balance his salary with his outgoings -it's how the world operates.Bail outs from the bank of dad will not teach him this.
This guy needs to grow up,
This guy needs to grow up, he's not twelve. At 21 and playing house with the GF, he should do better with his finances. He will not learn if your DH keeps bailing him out.
I don't get these adult kids these days. After I moved out, I did not ask my dad for one penny. Even before I moved out, I paid my own bills.
I moved out at 17 and lived
I moved out at 17 and lived with my bf.
I never asked my parents for money not once and still never have.
Yes they have helped me, bought me food, taken me out for dinner, offered to pay towards things for the house BUT they offered.
It was their choice to help me
Even if i was up to my eyeballs in debt i would find a solution which involved NOT asking my parents.
Just curious, but how and why
Just curious, but how and why is Dad making changes on SS's bank account? With Dad's ability to access/make changes to account doesn't that defeat the goal of SS supposedly being adult.
At 20yrs old my son had a bank account, his own brand new truck he financed on his own, along with his own vehicle insurance. If someone would have asked me I'd have been clueless as to any details. I've no idea. He truly set it all up and managed his business on his own.
I guess what I don't understand is how he's expected to be and actually act the adult if Dad is all up in what shouldn't be Dad's business. Yet here your husband is taking kid to buy and pay for toilet tissue? Just seems so enabling.
Separate finances now. None
Separate finances now. None of this should be coming out of your pocket. Period. This is not only a money issue, it is really an invasion of your privacy and your home. If SS has a job, he should learn to manage his income and grow up. It's time.
I'm with you. Do it
I'm with you. Do it now...because they won't stop
Yes separate finances... Then
Yes separate finances...
Then leave it alone... Nothing good will come out of you protesting except drama and animosity. And you'll get blamed for it all. I would say my peace once and that's it.
I'm all for parents helping their kids but there is a difference between enabling and helping.
Separate finances always seem
Separate finances always seem good in theory. However if you are legally married and depending on the state/province it isn't going to save you. If you end up divorcing you will be straddled with half of your ex-DH's debt that he was free to rack up during the marriage, or if you retire together then the other person is going to live off the other's retirement savings. My opinion is to work at it together, but if there is no change over time, I would not stay.
DH has gotten better, but I hate having to rag to on it and seem like the bad guy since he is such a disney dad to his kid. I would walk away immediately if he ever co-signed a loan or a mortgage for his son.
If over time it becomes a drain, I would need to divorce so I will not be held accountable for his debt for bailing out skid.
Skid hasn't asked for rent yet, but I am waiting for it.
I'll make you feel better...
I'll make you feel better... We have tried to make SS24 stand on his own two feet, he has a child of his own (and a SD) but is your typical flaker. Somehow, he managed to get his driving license and buy a car, we were secretly really proud of him. So when he wrote it off after a few weeks (driving BM on 200 mile trips as she doesn't drive) we felt really sorry for him - his insurance would have gone through the roof if he'd claimed.
So we used the last pennies of our building fund to buy exactly the same car for him (we are now approaching winter in a house without central heating and our old car is pretty much dead, but ho-hum). DH is good with cars and checked it over, we paid the haulage of the old car and sold it for parts.
Ok, so he then demanded the money we got for the sale of the old car. Ok. But then he not only demanded it, he got really angry when it wasn't in his account on the day he told DH to transfer it. In honesty, we didn't have the money - we'd used it to pay our bills. He did get the money, but turned up a few weeks later trying for a fight, shouting that we didn't give him HIS money so he couldn't take his girls out when he'd promised to, that we'd bought him a death trap with bald tyres (SS19 says he's changed the wheels for alloys since we bought it, they were fine when we gave it to him). He now isn't speaking to us and bitching about us to anyone who will listen.
Good riddance. Ungrateful b*****d.
Yes, good riddance. Best
Yes, good riddance. Best thing he can do for your pocketbook is to stop speaking to you.
Omfg!!! You bought him 2
Omfg!!! You bought him 2 cars!!! The money for the parts on the one he wrecked was never his to begin with! What an ungrateful little pr!ck!
Breakingthrough, my skid
Breakingthrough, my skid would have tried to get the money for the car that was written off, however if DH said no he would have left it and not had a tantrum. So I am better off in that way.
I hope your skid permanently keeps his distance and not contact you both anymore. Sounds like it would be so much better that way.