So last time I was here, I was stressed.  Those little emotional vampires will suck everything out of you without remorse.  I've taken much of advice and applied a lot of it.  I don't ask about my step children, I honestly forgot about them for some time. I focus in on my daughter and don't care if they want to be involved.  My husband has become more aware of how they are and while they still talk, he knows I'm not crazy and will even try to vent to me, which I just listen compassionately without saying a damn thing because "told you so" doesn't seem to do it justice lol but mainly because I just don't care anymore.  Like someone so lovingly put it, it's okay to let them rot on the vine of their messed up family tree, and that's what I've done.  I don't reach out, I don't buy gifts, I don't help.  I literally have only sent a happy birthday text and those will be diminishing soon too lol. It feels amazing and it's not even in a retribution type of way; it's more of the fact that not everyone deserves a seat at the table when they are grown.  When they are kids you can give more patience but now, it's on them and I feel so free.  Disengaging was the best course of action, for my mental health, my relationship and my family.  You can try to make people get along and be a kind person but you just won't always vibe with some people and that's okay.  And some step kids are just assholes and you don't have to subject yourself to that.  I can disengage with my head held high, I tried, I was kind and at the end of the day, I can see why my husband and his ex didn't work out and why the kids have a distant relationship with him.  Let the toxic family vine rot.  In nature, trees drop the dead leaves for better growth in life it's the same way.  Preserve your sanity, respect yourself and your marriage and know disengagement might be one of the most powerful tools you have.  Family is who stands by you, supports you and loves you and it's a two way street.  It gets better you guys, disengage.  If your partner is truly there for you, they are going to see everyone's true colors. I haven't been on this site in weels because I was just so focused on positive things in my life and left that dead weight behind.   Hopefully things continue going this way for me and I wish you all success in your journey.