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Update: discussing the elephant in the room

looloo's picture

Husband and father of SD 34 finally decided to discuss her employment with me. I did not want to but got sucked into it. He said that she is crazy and he doesnt know what to do. I told him I was very unhappy with him since he gave her a job without discussing it with me and he proceeded to go on about how I won't let that go and that his intention is to....

"let the new owner of our company deal with her"

I asked him, does "SHE know this?"

He said," well um...she should know it!"

I said, " But DOES SHE??" 

He said, "Well, I guess I need to tell her... Why don't YOU do it?" 

 

Can you believe this guy??? HE creates the problem and he wants EVERYONE else to take the fall! The new owners, his wife! Its an amazing thing to behold this adult man cower like a baby! 

He has gotten us into such a mess with her. Last week when she was told "NO Im not going to buy your flight to our home so you can lay around our pool and use my car to go bar hopping" She first played the guilt card then she decided use extortion by holding out on a time senstive newletter she helps him with. By Sunday we received hundreds of complaints from our clients demanding their newsletters!  I told him, she can not be trusted, she NEVER has been one to be trusted because she is VINDICTIVE! When she does not get her way, whatever that is, she will use every method in her grip to hurt and or control.

Does he not get this?? I told him, "you tell her too much of our personal lives, she WILL use it against us someday"

 "no I don't!! 

It is crazy land! I have 10-14 days left before our deal closes! 

I hate talking about any of this because I get glimmers of hope that...maybe he is getting it and maybe I should give him a chance to make right. I don't want them to end their relationship but She wants EVERYTHING we have. She has a bad combination of entitlement, laziness and vindictiveness and THAT is SCARY!

looloo's picture

I am reading about narcissist victim syndrome and just realized how he continues to victimize me and I allow it! After the discussion about her I swear, this is when I dissociate or split off because he will say something to the effect of, "you keep beating me up over all this" and then he will say HOW exactly I beat him up and I will think to myself...I don't really remember saying those things and anyway WHY am i taking the blame for this situation that YOU created??? Because that is what they do! They blame everyone else so that THEY become the victim...

Just thought I'd share that with Y'all. I see a lot of us in this forum do this second guessing of themselves and their needs and take on the blame and shame. We feel like we have no right to our own feelings....

 

Survivingstephell's picture

Any way she can tank this deal and really screw you over?     
Try not get into another argument like this.  It's putting yourself in the line of fire for more abuse.  

looloo's picture

She has already made clear she wants him to hold on to the company. He has not paid heed to her and is moving forward. She could do something and it is true, if she knows her job is in jeopardy she may indeed do something desperate! Thank you for alerting me to that possibility! 

Survivingstephell's picture

Maybe you need to take a different tactic and help him keep on her good side until the deal is done.   Think of it as looking out for yourself.   It feels as if you are walking a tightrope with no balance pole but you are so close. Don't stumble.  

looloo's picture

You give me hope when I am feeling so hopeless! I need a therapist but I have been through so many who have only tip toed around the real issue and become like my hair dresser. You know...just tell you what you want to hear.

In this day of virtual you would think I could get the best since it matters not where I live! If anyone has someone who deals in codependency and serves clients virtually,  please PM me!