Well if you are a normal human being and your DH is an idiot who plans to support worthless spawn forever I'd say he is NOT the right person for you.

^^^This^^^^ I feel so bad for you. Trapped with a man you love and didn't know how horrible his daughters really are. Yes, they lost their mother, but letting them behave this way is doing more harm than good.
He has to be the parent, even when it hurts. That the difference between being a parent and friend.

I hate to agree, with poster above but I do. Start saving and putting money away for yourself if you do not have separate finances. Your time is numbered unfortunately.

You can only take so much, then loving your DH will not even be a factor. Once you loose respect for him and he continually chooses them over you and refuses to set boundaries for his adult children it will be over for your marriage.

So sorry. My skids are well behaved but If Crazo died I would get a divorce. I am not interested in being trapped with someone else kids in my home and my DH knows this fact to be true

> I packed a bag and left that night, he later said that I should have known that because I'm his wife that I was also included in his family.<

I find it amusing how some guys only realize how important their spouses are in their life once the spouse actually uproots and leaves.

>Please tell me there is hope? I wanted my whole life to find the right person and believe my husband to be that person.<

You leaving your husband now forces your husband to deal with his two daughters. With you gone, he won't have to "defend" his two precious angels from you. He has to deal with his daughters' crap on his own. *Maybe* he will wake up and realize that you were right. You sound like a good woman so if your husband has an iota of sense, he will figure that out. However, I wouldn't bet any money on it. You left him and this ugly situation to save yourself - not hoping that your husband will one day chase after you to say "Baby! I'm sorry!". It's a nice fantasy to have, but that is all it is - a fantasy.

I know situations like this hurt, but when I split up with my ex, a good friend of mine gave me this advice; "Six weeks from now, you'll still be hurting but at least you'll be in a different place. Six months from now, you won't feel anything and you will be in a happier place. Six years from now you will be happy and in a happier place."

And herein lies the problem: ”My husband pays for all their expenses, cell phones, car insurance, car maintenance, car registration, cloths, prescriptions, gas and our mortgage. I pay for their medical coverage through my work, I pay all the utilities and buy groceries.”

There’s an old fashioned concept that has worked for centuries and is routinely deployed in the animal kingdom. It’s called “sink or swim.” Daddykins is basically making these adult children dependent upon him for life and has talked you into doing so as well. What would happen if daddykins, god forbid, dropped dead and there was no more teat to suckle from? Their mother is already passed but to use this as some sort of excuse is inane. It’s the same as pitying and thus enabling the “COD” or child of divorce/broken home (whether they be 2 or 20)

The balance of power has shifted from adult to child. You as SM are expected by daddykins and his princess brides to assume 0% authority yet 100% responsibility all the while the princess brides have the exact reverse with 0% responsibility/accountability and 100
% authority. This is WRONG WRONG WRONG!

There’s a good chance (probably hovering around 95%) that daddykins will NOT see the error of his ways and engage in this debilitating pity party—and expect you to do the same. You must set boundaries at once. I know I, in good conscience, could not allow this hobbling of perfectly capable adults. This is why I was always told I was “too strict” by the Guilty Daddy I live with when I wanted to have rules, boundaries, structure and expectations for his kids in my home.

Take a LONG HARD look because this is a road to ruin and misery. Love is not enough and does NOT conquer all despite what we’ve all heard.

Kaluna, welcome and Hugs! You did the right thing. For some reason, death of a parent seems to give some of these adult step kids a free pass to treat everyone like crap, do nothing, expect all handed to them, have no empathy for others, think only of themselves, etc. Notice I said some of these step kids, not all of them. Their step dad saw the writing on the wall too by kicking them out. We teach them nothing in life if we tolerate such abusive behavior.
I am living proof of that having been exposed to years of being treated like crap.
Good luck and I hope your DH has his eyes open soon to what is really going on! Otherwise, HE is going to be the lonely , old , and very single man!

That's true, the death of a parent makes it worse, these over indulged spoilt brats feel entitled to the surviving parent. They're owed. The death of a parent does not teach them the value of life, it does not teach them compassion, or fill them with regret that they could have treated the parent who died better, and as usual, given how they treated their mothers husband, they treated her just like they now treat dad, and as usual, they learnt nothing. They have no shame or guilt as to how they treated their mother or how sad and troubled she would have been the last 11 years of her life when they were causing problems in her marriage. No, they just grabbed their entitlement, daddy and did the same thing to him. That is how both parents raised them. They won't change. My husbands daughter was the exact same. Her mothers death only served to make this woman a more evil, wicked, self centred piece of work who after causing us grief for years got unimaginably worse after the death of the mother she treated like crap. Why, because her mummy and daddy let her.

If you were 45ish when you married for the first time, do you own a home that you still own now? If so, think about moving back into your own house, if not perhaps a rental home or apartment/condo. You don't have to file for divorce if you're not ready. But you do need to distance yourself from these disrespectful little monsters.

You need space to decide what it is you want/need to do. Bottomline, you love your husband, you want your marriage to work but you can not remain living in the situation you are in. And that's exactly what you tell husband. That as long as the two SDs live in and control this house that it is not your home and you can't live that way. That he is welcome to visit you, spend weekends with you (whatever) but you will no longer be living under this house's roof.

You've supported yourself for years. You can do it again. You don't need this man in your life. You'd like him to be a part of your life, but as long as he choses to continue to live the way things are, you can not and will not be a part of it in his home. It's his choice. You're not asking him to kick out his kids, or asking him to choose, you're not asking him to standup for you or a d*mn thing...you're simply not living in this house.

You don't deserve this. If he can't control his kids and his home (which he obviously at this point intend to) you'll just take your things and live happily elsewhere. It's not a threat or an ultimatum , it's simply the way it has to be.