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Twitski is such a piece of work.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Well, it had to happen, I guess, sooner or later. This morning Twit calls crying and bawling. I happened to answer the phone and she is crying and started into the triade about how her Mother has removed her from face book, deleted her contact info and...oh heaven....taken Twit out of her will!

Before she got any further, I told her I would get her Father for her. This carp is not my problem. Well, after almost an hour of her boo-hoo-hooing, DH comes in the breakfast room shaking his head. Seems when Twit was out in Vegas with PC, her Mother called her. It also seems that Twit got smart arsy to her and hung up on her! Guess this has happened a few times, but, poor Twit claims she didn't know why she did that...she had been drinking. Always an excuse for Twit's bad behavior.

According to DH, the Mother had had enough Twit sh*t and had sent a registered letter to her informing her of the changes to her will etc. Twit is besides herself crying, oh how sorry she is. The Mother won't accept calls from Twit either. So, Twit wants Daddy to call his ex and straighten things out for Twit, how she didn't know what she was doing (yeah, right).

I asked DH if he was going to do it. Lo and behold, DH said NO. Twit needs to learn how to treat people and she can't hide, as she likes to do, behind lame excuses like she was off her meds, or drinking too much. DH went on to say that Twit has problems with her Mother and they are her's not his. He also told her that he would not be calling his ex, that he had no reason to.

THAT is one of the big problems with Twit. She is mean, she is cruel and nasty and then, when she finds that her behavior has consequences, she cries and cries about how she was off her meds because they didn't come yet, or she had been drinking (now Twit has told me in the past that she doesn't drink and I have never seen her drink). I believe it is a crock of carp. What she is concerned of is....INHERITANCE. According to DH, along with the registered letter was a copy of the codicille removing Twit from the will. My , my, I am certain this is the whole crux of the matter.

oldone's picture

I think of that saying "a child only a mother could love". She's so bad that even her bio mother wants nothing to do with her. That's pretty bad.

Amber Miller's picture

It's so nice to hear that she is finally going to suffer a consequence for her bad behavior. It sounds like she is really exposing herself for the nasty person she is. I hope her BM doesn't give in. Good job to DH! I wish my SD (princess brat) would be held accountable for her abuse towards DH and I. I wish she would expose herself the way Twit did. I wish my DH would stand up to her the way your DH is doing. Your story gives me hope that this can be accomplished after enough abuse and selfish behavior. I'll keep my fingers crossed that princess brat will end up like Twit; fully exposed with no excuses left crying like a baby because the family finally sees her for what she is. (sorry, enough about me). I can only imagine the barrage of drama the Twit is going to engage in now. She must have done something really horrible to her mom. Hopefully this will teach her a lesson but I doubt it. She will blame everyone but herself. The audacity of her to bother her father asking for him to help her mend fences to get back in the will. Disgusting!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Amber - It has taken Twit a long time and a trail of tears and debris left behind on those of us she carped on for her to be finally reaching this point. I can't say I know all behind the story of her and her Mother other than she is always kabitzing about how she doesn't do enough for Twit, expect things of Twit, the mother is always looking for money from Twit, is a liar, and on and on it goes. If you read what I posted further below about Twit and when the Granny (Mother's mother passed this summer you will get a better insight).

And you know just how much carp DH has put up with. I almost left him early last year as I had had enough Twit sh*t. That is when I disengaged for my own health.

Now DH is getting wise, and perhaps tired of putting up with Twit sh*t. Forgive me, I usually am not crude like that, but the combination of Twit and sh** seems to go together right now.

Amber Miller's picture

I guess the fruit doesn't fall from the tree. I guess she's just like her mother and too stupid to see it. You must be enjoying watching her squirm. God knows I would if it was my SD the princess brat.

Amber Miller's picture

Hi She's Driving Me Crazy-
I have a question. You say you almost left DH because of Twit and her antics. Then you said you disengaged. Do you think that it helped your DH see his twit for what she really is when you disengaged? In other words, when you stopped reacting to her did it make it easier for him to see what was really going on? That it wasn't you but her? This is the tactic I'm adhering to and I'm wondering if it works. If I have no involvement, if I don't get mad then I can't be seen as part of the problem. This way, psycho princess can create all the trouble herself and if I'm not engaging he will see that it's entirely created by his little precious brat. I hope this makes sense. I would appreciate your perspective. Thank you. I also would appreciate anyone's perspective who has employed this technique.

Amber Miller's picture

Thank you for your time and input. I really appreciate it. Thank you. This type of advice will really help me lead a better life. Once I "take out the trash" (princess psycho brat being the trash) I will feel better and the DH can see his little precious for the toxic disaster she is and will stop taking his anger out on me. He's angry that his snotty daughter is evil but it becomes undifferentiated and taken out on me. Thanks again!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Amber - In answer to your question about disengaging a resounding YES and EXACTLY. You see, before that when Twit acted out at me and did her Twitty things, I would feel bad, cry, ask DH to talk to her etc, be nice, continue my routine of gift giving etc. The response I would get was that I should be big about it, understand, not let her bother me, rise above it, try harder and on it went. At one point DH actually took Twit's side in front of me whereas when we had talked about it together before, he told me I was right! That and Christmas '11 brought me to my breaking point.

You could not imagine how nasty she was. She,herself, even tried to start trouble between DH and I by telling DH that I had secretly, mind you, told her I was going on vacation by myself! (Like I would tell Twit anything secret) In a way I did say that, but not in the context as she told it to him. I had been trying to get DH to go down to New Orleans and he kept dragging his feet. At a BBQ at our place, with my DD there and other family, my DD asked when we were going and I joking talked about how I couldn't get DH to commit to a date to go and I had told him that if he kept dragging his feet I just might have to go alone. Well, that is not what Twitsky told DH. DH confronted me about that. Luckily my own DD and her husband were able to tell DH what I really said and in what context. This was not new to DH as I had been teasing him about this for awhile. And that is when I found this board.

I never told DH directly I was disengaging, but I pulled back. When she called with her drama I would hand the phone to him and walk out of the room. When he started talking about her I would just mummer "um" perhaps a "that's nice" and go on with what ever I was doing. I did, however, make it very clear to DH that when we travelled I would no longer buy Twit little gifts, like I still do for my DD and use to do for both girls. I put things squarely on his shoulders. Since Twit is very greedy she noticed this right away, and so did DH. Since I removed myself from Twit's line of fire he could not help but see what she was doing and many times told me I didn't deserve it. Put the onous right on Twit and DH actually had to face what she was without me being the scapegoat.

It doesn't work immediately, but it works. And in the process it drives Twit off the deep end, which isn't far in the best of times. Be aware, she will escalate as you remove yourself but try to keep your cool. It is hard, but it gets easier and with it life can get better.

Amber Miller's picture

Thank you for the amazing advice. I know this is what I have to do. I am too physically sick to have this anger inside of me. If I let it go then it could help me get better. Lets face it, even stress on a healthy body can take its toll. I love my DH and I hate to see him hurt; this is how this whole thing blew up. It was when psycho princess brat started saying bad things about her father to me. My DH is a remarkable person who is loyal and devoted. It is the very things that I love about him that make him such a target for the little snot. I have to do this; disengage. I have been working on it but its been so easy lately because princess brat got mad at daddy for sticking up for me when she called to unleash a barrage of insults towards me. He told her she was wrong and boy, did she make him regret that. So daddy didn't get a call from the little b*tch for 4 months. It was wonderful; no stress, no arguing about her, no drama about the latest disaster she has created. It was so peaceful, the way life should be. The way it would be if she wasn't an emotional cripple. This is the only thing I can do now. Thanks for your advice and taking the time to respond. In due time she will be fully exposed for the rotten piece of trash that she is. Thanks

Amber Miller's picture

Thank you for the amazing advice. I know this is what I have to do. I am too physically sick to have this anger inside of me. If I let it go then it could help me get better. Lets face it, even stress on a healthy body can take its toll. I love my DH and I hate to see him hurt; this is how this whole thing blew up. It was when psycho princess brat started saying bad things about her father to me. My DH is a remarkable person who is loyal and devoted. It is the very things that I love about him that make him such a target for the little snot. I have to do this; disengage. I have been working on it but its been so easy lately because princess brat got mad at daddy for sticking up for me when she called to unleash a barrage of insults towards me. He told her she was wrong and boy, did she make him regret that. So daddy didn't get a call from the little b*tch for 4 months. It was wonderful; no stress, no arguing about her, no drama about the latest disaster she has created. It was so peaceful, the way life should be. The way it would be if she wasn't an emotional cripple. This is the only thing I can do now. Thanks for your advice and taking the time to respond. In due time she will be fully exposed for the rotten piece of trash that she is. Thanks

sixteensmom's picture

When I disengaged three things happened.

1. I felt horrible for a few months because I wasn't treating the skids the same as my own and I felt guilty and sad, I was afraid their feelings were hurt and they thought I didn't like them. I worried people would think i was a bad step mother and wife. I knew bm would be hearing all about me not doing anything more for them. I got over that. They didn't give a rats ass what i did or thought of them and never appreciated me or how hard I tried to build up our "family"

2. The skids realized the only reason they'd had any relationship with their dad was mostly because I planned and invited and, yes...chased, them all into coming over for dinner, get togethers, outings, sports events, concerts etc. I sent the bday and valentines, Easter, Halloween etc cards and gifts, i shopped for weeks for xmas. When I disengaged every invitation and card and gift buying stopped too. I imagine they assumed their dad would pick up where I left off, but he's never been that guy. They always knew it was me doing it all. He was always happy to participate and enjoyed his kids, but wasn't going to be the planner when they could perfectly well pick up the phone and plan too. Remember, These are 21, 25 and 28 year old "children".

3. Dh realized himself what assholes his own kids were, and told me one night, in tears, how very sorry he was not to have realized sooner how hard I'd tried and how much I'd done to try to build a family with his kids. He appreciates me more now having gone through the eight years of he'll. He understands why my feelings were hurt when I got no responses to invitations, and unfortunately, he sees now that his kids don't give a rats ass about him either. There hasn't been a fathers day call, text, card or gift, not for his birthday, since I disengaged....because who used to remind them all, and plan the dinner and coordinate the schedules...

The good news is this. We are happy. Every conversation doesn't have something to do with a skid or disappointment or someone taking advantage. I don't mention them at all, I've nothing to say. I have zero expectations for or from any of them. He expects them to turn out like his ex and her asshole family of nut cases. I fell in love with sd28s baby and would love her still, but after weeks of begging and kowtowing to their every whim and rule to get to see the new granddaughter, they cut us off and haven't been in touch again. There's only so much a person can do and we have had tough but honest talks. He is ashamed of them and their behavior. It embarrasses him they can be such brats and not know how to treat people. They simply have no social sense or skill. They don't think to ask how someones doing after a flood destroys my parents home or how my kid is doing after her third round of chemo, or how I'm feeling after my dog of 15 yrs passes.... Common sense humanity... They don't have any of it.

So yes, disengage and stay the course when your heart wants to cave.

The other good news is this. Dh and my kids have always been close. They're even closer now.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi sixteensmom - Ain't that the truth. It happens because we are use to acting otherwise IMHO. As they say, old habits can be hard to break. The freedom comes once you break them.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi sixteensmom - Ain't that the truth. It happens because we are use to acting otherwise IMHO. As they say, old habits can be hard to break. The freedom comes once you break them.

Amber Miller's picture

Thanks for the great response and I have read it several times. I really appreciate hearing other people's stories on this forum. I've only been on here for a little while but I am finding everyone's advice and stories extremely helpful. I wish I would've googled "I hate my stepdaughter" 5 years ago. (That's how I found this website).

forgotten wife's picture

I googled the same thing to get here. Thank goodness it didn't send us to a gun shop site! }:)

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Foxie - You are RIGHT ON there. 2 summers back I had Twit bawling in my living room that she was afraid if anything happened to us she wouldn't get anything. She was afraid that my DD would get everything and she would be left hoo hoo. This from a Twit that treats me like garbage. What she was looking for was an assurance of what $$$ she would be getting. Cretan that she is.

And that was before she gave me the ashtray for Christmas followed by the cheap 4" resin plate I got this last Christmas. I am saving those for her...since she she thought they were good enough for me - and it was JUNK -- then she should love to get them back as an inheritance...IMO

Amber Miller's picture

The fact that Twit cries all the time leads me to believe that she is incredibly mentally unstable. I would never, ever dream of discussing my inheritance with my alive and physically healthy parents who I never want to die. If my kids did that to me I would feel like they couldn't wait for me to die so they could get their little grubby hands on my assets. So, the act of going to your parents house and crying about fearing that they wont leave you anything when they aren't elderly or they don't have any severe medical problems that could end their life is a cruel and selfish act. It is really telling about the person that twit is. I do think it is appropriate if your parents are elderly or terminally ill to inquire about where to find a copy of their will or ask about their advanced health care directive and last wishes. Perhaps it's appropriate to ask who they have selected as the trustee of their estate so as a surviving relative that one can make sure that their final wishes are taken care of. This is completely different from crying that you fear that mommy and daddy aren't leaving you an inheritance while they are alive and well.

By the way, I just want to clarify; she gave you an ashtray forr Xmas ( I'm not bagging on smokers, unfortunately I smoke and I'm struggling to quit so don't get me wrong) But I'd be totally offended even as a smoker if someone gave me an ashtray because everyone who cares about me wants me to quit. The implication to me would be; here you go, smoke, it's bad for you, but here's something to put your butts in while you kill yourself. You know??? That's just how I'd take it. If your not a smoker, I'd find it even more offensive unless it's some sort of valuable antique piece. I hope I make sense. I can buy my own ashtray or use an old coffee can but to get it as a gift???? That's class-less and extremely RUDE.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Amber - Twit's crying is, IMHO, just theatrics to get one to feel sorry for her or to get her way....crocidile tears. Guys, like my DH have a hard time when women cry, they tend to want to fix things, so Twit knows how to pull his strings. She doesn't walk around crying, she just starts bawling and getting weepy when she wants something, or her feelings are hurt etc.

Yes, I agree about the asking about inheritence....I am in my mid 60's and DH is 9 years older, so we are getting up there, but no where near the end or in bad health. But then years back Twit had her eyes set on her hubby's family and inheritance. And, as I posted, when her Gmother passed and Twit went for the funeral, she extended her stay until the last sibling was leaving (in fact I understand they went to the airport together) to make sure she got her share of things and no one got more.

Please forgive me on being long on this next item, but about 3 years ago, I had had my fill of her attitude etc. We were on a house closing trip (sadly we had already signed the contract and closing that trip when this happened or I would have wrangled out). She invited us to stay with them (I would have prefered a hotel, but DH wanted to stay). Well, we stayed out of her way, picked up after ourselves, etc. I had a reaming from her because, in trying to keep any extra work from her, we picked up chicken and sides for dinner. She got all upset about that...not that she had anything planned, but she just got upset, which I will never understand. She was looking for things to get/pick on, get upset about. Heck, for the 3 days we were there, we were seldom at her house having things to do with the house, the closing, remodeling, etc. Once I came into the kitchen to hear her screaming, yes screaming, at someone on the phone. We went out to dinner and DH said something to her, she suddenly pulled over, got out of the car and walked off!!

It ended badly with me telling her off after she deliberately hip-bumped me and almost caused me to fall (I have problems with my legs and fortunately I caught the counter and kept myself up). Believe me, it takes an awful lot for me to get peeved like this so there is much more. I told her that I didn't need to put up with her attitude and pushing me was HIGHLY inappropriate. I was so peeved that I even told my DH to remove me to a hotel, I would not stay in a house with her one more moment. DH settled me down, but Twit, she went on a bawling bing and ran up to her room. It was after we returned to our old home in another state that I found out just what a nut she truely was. She accused me of all kinds of things, things that never happened, things her father did that she was evidently peeved about but were blamed on me. I was accused of expecting her to serve me steaks and pork chops forcing her to go into her bank account to feed me. I don't like steak, or red meat for that matter, and WE bought groceries so she wouldn't have to provide for us. In fact, on that trip I brought a Prime Rib roast when we came down! Sent me nasty e-mails about how she told ALL of her FRIENDS about what a bad house guest I was and they ALL agreed. [This one actually had me laughing because she has no friends, only PC team members].

I must say, she REALLY went off the deep end with her rage and ranting at me and about me. BUT, she would never acknowledge to DH that she had pushed me causing me to loose my balance. According to her, I lost my balance and was making it up. Her excuse to her father about why she acted like she did....she was off her meds as they hadn't come in time. Sadly, at that time DH accepted the excuse. This is when she started telling my husband stories about me and causing problems.

I held my ground with her nasty emails only telling her that she should be careful what she was saying, that she was telling lies, and it would come back to haunt her. She didn't care, just kept bombing me with nasty emails until I blocked her. To this day, she is blocked and will stay that way.

The point of all this is that I have never, ever seen someone go off like she did being nasty, vindictive, mean, cruel. That experience, amoung others is one reason she really does scare me. Last I heard about this matter, from DH, she feels she was the put upon person.

Amber Miller's picture

This is extremely long but I love to write and communicate. I hope this isnt bad forum etiquitte to write so much. Oh wow, what an amazing story. I feel sorry that you had to go through that. You know, I'm a pretty good judge of character and I've only been participating on this forum for a short while but I can tell that you are a sensible, classy person. It shows in your writing. You are articulate and the stories you tell about Twit are believable by your account; unbelievable in regards to her behavior. You know, I have to admit, I think I'd rather have princess brat as a SD than Twit. At least princess brat doesn't go off crying ( literally crying with tears) when things don't go her way ( she engages in other self destructive ways but not all this crying for goodness sake!). That must get old. You have never mentioned her " babies". I assume if they were crazy and causing trouble that you would've discussed that. Now, on the premise that they are ok I have to say, that's a miracle. Forgetting your anti-depressant for a few days is no big deal unless she's on an anti-paychotic such as Seroquel or Lamictal. Those meds will have a bad effect on the patient if they are not taken daily but things like Paxil, Lexapro, Citalopram are not ( you can miss a couple days and be ok). If she uses a mail away pharmacy and it comes late she can always go to a local pharmacy and get a weeks supply to make sure she doesn't miss her daily dose. This is common practice. But I guess at her age she's just not responsible enough to ensure that she doesn't run out of meds. This way she has an excuse if she feels like blowing up. I take a lot of different meds for my disease and I never run out of meds because I care about my health and taking care of myself. Oh yeah, I'm also responsible. I never would excuse my bad behavior on missing my meds. If I had bad behavior I'd blame it on myself but that's just me; a responsible adult. The story that you told about staying at Twits house is horrible. Do you know how excited I'd be if a relative showed up at my door with a Prime Rib Roast???? I'd be stoked. I'd also be excited if a family member brought chicken and sides to help with dinner so
I didn't have to cook. Don't her PC colleagues see what a cry-baby she is? Saying she had to reach into her wallet to feed you pork and red meat?? I'd be very happy to treat any family member to a nice dinner at my home that I prepared. It's a nice way of saying " I value you" or " I love you" something twit isn't capable of. How sad for her father. She got out of the car when she didn't like something that was said???? Stupid woman cry baby jerk! This barrage of childish behavior is all indicators of extreme mental instability and distress. You sound like you'd be a fine guest to have over. I think she's jealous of you; your intelligent, classy, married to her daddy and you do all these nice things for people and you did nice things for her too but all she knows how to do is take, take, take. On some level I believe she knows she's a jerk. Since joining this online forum it has been your stories and correspondence that I have found to be extremely helpful. It's amazing to me that a person who I have never met can provide such good advice and insight into my own hell of being princess brats SM. I thank you for always responding to my posts and being so helpful.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

First, thank you for your kind comments, how nice of you. I am just a senior citizen who has seen a lot of life and doesn't generally fly off the handle or get upset easily.

Yep, talk about ungratful. It will do me good to say some of the rest of that time. When I walked in on Twit screaming into the phone, she was pizzed. I walked out and on to the patio with my, I did not want to get caught in what ever was the bee in her bonnet.

Well, in her triade later to DH and I through those nasty emails...did I tel you she also sent copies of the emails complainint about me to DH?...I was accused of following her round the house listening to her phone calls! Even, according to her, following her up to her bedroom where she was trying to get away from my easedropping! THAT, I can assure you only happened in her mind.

As I said, her hubby is a good guy. He talked to me once after that saying he would do whatever he could to mend the breach between us. He also said that Twit was upset at what I did and she NEVER FORGETS. I listened, and calmly replied that, then I felt sorry for her because she was the one who was going to miss out. I believe he wanted me to go on my knees to apologize to Twit for her bad behavior just to make things right. I told SIL flat out that the pushing was the final straw for me. I am human too and there is only so much one can and should take. He told me he knew I don't eavesdrop on calls, heck, I generally walk out of the room, like I did that day, when I come in on one of them talking on the phone. I feel it is none of my business.

In fact, SIL and I have a good relationship. We go to auctions together, check out pieces we find. Just like my Mother and Grandmother before me, I have seen a lot of stuff and can date it as a lot of it these days is from I was growing up.

As for the stepgrand adults. They LIKE me. In fact, they call me Gma. And, as should be no surprise, Twit told me she was going to tell her babies to have nothing to do with me. Talk about control freak.

Now you know why Twit scares the begesus out of me. She has issues and, well, I wouldn't turn my back on her. IMO, she is darn right scarey.

Yes, she takes that citro..... drug. Sorry not good on those medicine names. The thing with Twit is that whenever she gets out of line she has an excuse and thus it is the excuse and not an apology she gives.

And, it is sad, we could have had a nice relationship. I could have passed on to her the finer things of life that my Grandmother and Mother taught me and I taught my daughter.

FWIW, if you want to know just how important manners are today, just listen to college graduates that talk about interviews were they were taken to a fairly nice restaurant, etc. for lunch. THAT is done so they can see if one manners and doesn't eat peas off a knife, know what a napkin is for, know how to eat a salad. In the corporate world, these things matter.

Amber Miller's picture

You're welcome! No, I don't believe that you said that she forwarded a copy of her letters that she sent to you to DH. what a bi+ch. Psycho brat did the same thing to me ( I think I told you) and I'm glad because DH said he could see the distortions in her complaints. He could see first hand what a spiteful piece of trash she is. Just as SIL asked you to make the first step towards reconciliation with Twit, I was asked by DH to apologize to princess brat when she verbally attacked her father and I (I did retaliate but didn't start it). These 2 incompetent idiots should've apologized to us. Twit should've apologized to you and psycho should've apologized to me. But of course this won't ever happen because you and I are expected to be the bigger people in these situations. I think that's sick and wrong. Just because twit forgets her meds and princess has "problems" doesn't mean that we have to accept their abuse.
I'm happy to hear Twits kids are nice to you and respect you; don't they know something is wrong with their mother when she tells them to not speak to you? That's crazy. They are over 18 and can do as they wish so s¢rew her.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I have taken the high road. I have disengaged. I'm finished, done, not my problem. Sadly, you can see what happens when DH has to deal with Twit, which isn't good. Grrr.

FWIW, DH did email Twit back on those nasty emails she sent telling her that a lot of the things she was accusing me of were things HE did. Her response? "Well, why didn't you (DH) say so." Man, what the heck planet is she on??? Do note, no remorse to him about what she accused me of and she wasn't upset with him for doing those things either.

So, when that article you referred me to says these Twities get worse in their 40's and 50's it sends chills down my spine as to what I can expect. I need a Serenity prayer for Stepmothers for sure.

But for now it is interesting to watch her greed and what is going to become family infighting. The other day she told us (us only because I was home when she stopped by) that she was gonna rip her one brother in law a new one! My, my is all I could think, this is going to be interesting. Sadly, there might be some reprocussions that Twit won't expect or like. And they won't be from me or my DH either.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

What I thought was so interesting was that Twit, who doesn't like me and treated me like trash until I disengaged, was oh so willing to expect ME to listen to her plight, the plight she brought on herself. Totally amazing.

She has since called DH again begging him to help her. Me, I'm not saying anything. But it is somewhat rewarding to watch her beating her head against the wall.

DH says he hasn't spoken to his ex in over 25 years, why would he want to do so now. Nor, he said, is he giving her any advice on how to handle the matter. I, slyly, and generally, mentioned the time I was the victim of her rage and nastiness to which she later never apologized but claimed, to her father, was because she was "off her meds", that they hadn't come in the mail yet. Time and time again she has an excuse for her bad behavior that always is about something, someone else, never her. Am I bad for loving this? I probably should be, but it is time things start catching up with Twit. We have all suffered long enough.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Oh, and Twit has no problem whatsoever in bashing her mother. Last summer the Grandmother died and she went down there. Guess she was only going to stay 3 days UNTIL she found that her sister, and brother, were staying longer. Since there was a chance of $$$ she wasn't going to leave until they did (so she didn't miss out, IMO). Well, her mother did disperse some of the Granny's jewelry etc. to the children. And the mother gave some of her stuff to them as well....Twit came back bragging and showing an emerald ring set in 18K (so she said) that HER mother had given her. Yet, at the same time she was showing the loot off, she was talking about how terrible her Mother is, that the mother is a liar, can't be trusted, always looking for something for nothing, etc.

Sorry, call me old fashion, but I would never, ever talk ill about my Mother. And for Twit to be slamming the woman while at the same time bragging about the things the Mother just gave her was beyond the pale to me. Absolutely DISGUSTING!

But while she is upset about this she is also currently, at a very sad time, causing grief and stress for her own DH when he just lost his own Father on Monday. When I post that, you guys won't believe any one could behave like this. If I were a betting person I would bet that this is the nails in her marriage. Her husband may just have enough after his Father's funeral on Sat. It also has to do with $$$ and what her DH just might inherit.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Catmom - No, the funeral is not until Saturday. She is just behaving very badly. We watched the dog because we love my SIL and in respect for his Father on Monday as they were at the hospital all day. After the Father passed and they came to pick up the dog, I told SIL how sorry I was and hugged him. He hugged me back crying on my shoulder for a good period of time, which is fine. As you can see, he is comfortable enough with me to do so. Twit, on the other hand was ragging on about how terrible it was that the Father's dog was going to be put down. Seems the dog has inoperable cancer and for months has been on painkillers and medicine was causes diarria and other problems. The one sister always cleans up after the dog and they do their best as the Father loves the animal and it is a companion for him. I guess the dog refused to eat for all the time the father was in the is time. They are having the dog creamated and buried with the father. My SIL said he Father always said that he and the dog were going together.

Well, it seems Twit accused the brothers and sisters of just wanting to kill the dog because no one wants to clean up after it. Needless to say, this probably started problems and her husband told her to stay out of it, which she should. Do note, Twit is not volunteering to take the dog and the expense of the cancer treatments for the dog.

From what she was saying, she better be careful. When her hubby's Mother passed several years back, she was actually banned from the hospice room! Of course she boo hoo hooed to her Father about how terrible her husband's brothers and sisters were to do that to her, but there must have been a reason IMO.

And there is a whole lot more carp she is crying about concerning her DH's inheritance etc.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Exactly, that is an understatement. Here her hubby is grieving, in shock, having to deal with the planning of the wake and funeral and she is causing problems.

And what I posted above isn't the half of what she was saying Monday. She says she is concerned because the brothers and sisters are going to try to cut her husband out of the inheritance, they are going to take things out of the house on the sly, and on it goes. Man, I was actually stunned!! But I didn't say anything at all...ain't going near that. She is just soooo greedy. But then I know that, being down here 2+ yars and she has never so much as taken, or offered to take her father and I out for so much as a cup of coffee. She bit*hes about her DH doing things for his one sister, and the others pretty much have little to do with her. When they do the do it for their brother, not for her.

IMO, she had better be careful and stop thinking about herself.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi wowthisishard. You, too, are right on. Once Twit got out of line with me and I called her on it so she gave a half-hearted apology. BUT, right after she did that she told me I needed to apologize to her! Her idea of an apology is she hurts you, half-heartedly apologizes and you need to neutralize her apology by apologizing to her. Still don't understand that, and no, I didn't apologize, I hadn't done anything to apologize for.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

What a great response that would have been. Sadly, Twit probably wouldn't get it that SHE is the one with the problem. No one, including me, wants to fight with her, we just want to be pleasant to each other, not back stab, blame or the other stuff. Unfortunately, I have really had my eyes opened and can see just how greedy she is.

She is also very stupid, IMHO. Seems one of her hubby's sisters has long had her eye on a dresser or something. This SIL is recruiting Twit to her side in the fight for it. I remember Twit talking about this awhile back and saying how she thought it was terrible that the father didn't just give it to his daughter (ah, those expectations of deserving). Oh, she is in a tizzy about how terrible the other siblings are being to her and this hoo hoo.

I am amused because when the mother passed and the father got his daughters and the other DIL together at his place to divide up the Mother's jewelry, no one invited Twit. She was left out! And of course she felt bad and cried to DH about how terrible the siblings were. When I heard of this I thought it was terrible as well but I didn't know how Twit was then. Also, the FIL was in charge of this distribution and he certainly didn't seem to care that Twit wasn't there. He could have called her and told her to be there. I understand that he did take two pieces for her.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Wowthisishard - You are soooo right. With Twit she will tell you, and often does, how perfect her house is, how she perfectly raised her boys, how she and her husband have the perfect relationship (interesting that he works an awful lot of OT and on Sat. and Sun - being salaried he gets nothing extra for it) AND she is very quick to put down others who might have troubles. She ridicules one of her husband's brother's daughters who has had a drug problem, etc. BUT at the same time seems to ignore that her own son has had the same problem. Her Mother is terrible, her brother and sister (whom we get along well with) are jerks to say the least and out to get all they can from the Mother. Go figure.

That is what I don't understand, the blindness she has. How unkind she is. Oh, she can listen to a PC teammate for hours who has a problem, and then get off the phone and slam'em. Her thinking and perception are definately off. Very bizarre and confusing.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yep, this adult twit has 3 sons....all over 21. Two of them still live at home and she refers to them as "her babies".

Towanda's picture

It never ends does it? Nothing they do surprises me but I always hold out hope that they come their senses when something as traumatic as a death occurs. I'll save my stories for another time but gheez she is nuts!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Towanda. Yep, it is blowing my mind. Heck, this is a real tough time for her DH and he should not have to be putting up with more nonsense. I talked to him today. I guess Twit has them holding up at the father's house. I figure that she is there to make sure none of the others take something etc. before she gets hers.

SIL sounds very tired. Deaths in the family are always hard and stressful.

You know Towanda, one thing hit me very strange with Twit, well a lot of things hit me strange with her, but this one I really noticed. That is that when the father was sick and she would talk to DH she would bawl and carry on about how she cared about him, etc. Once he had passed and they picked up the dog, it was like oh well, another day. She seems so far removed from the somber, grieving and shock of her husband. Like black and white. Her focus was on a whole different make sure she gets hers and her husband doesn't get cheated.

This is going to be very interesting to say the least.

I recall how she bragged to me a few years back, that her FIL had a garage sale to get rid of some of the stuff they had accumulated over the years. Seems she went around and picked a bunch of items she wanted (which she later sold at HER garage sale). The one daughter told her that she should give the FIL something for all the stuff, not a lot, but something. Twit, well, she was insulted at that and gave nothing as he was trying to get rid of the stuff anyway, in her opinion.

I bet that sister hasn't forgotten this and will be watching Twit closely. As well she should.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Towanda - you have done a lot of studying on narcacissim haven't you? Is this type of behavior typical at such times? Don't they ever get it?

Towanda's picture

They have absolutely no empathy. It is a very alarming trait. Only reason they get upset is if it is going to effect them in anyway.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

That would fit. She is always on the defensive, the word "thank you" is something she doesn't know, and she always, always has to be, or think she is the best, has the best and the rest of us peons should cow tow to her.

Amber Miller's picture

Narcissists only care about themselves. They completely lack the ability to feel bad for other people and their problems but they will expect you to sit there and listen about their problems; its all about them. my ex husband is a great example. our son had a badly sprained ankle that is in the process of healing. well, he "rolled" his ankle the other day and re-injured it and it is very painful and swollen. so, ex husband called because he wanted to finalize arrangements as he wanted to spend time with our boys. We talked for awhile and I told him that our son was really hurt and he said " oh that's too bad; poor guy" which is fine but then he follows it up with " I pulled a muscle in my back and I'm in extreme plain" he went on and on for 5 minutes about how bad his back feels and how he cant take time off to get better because he has to pay child support (a whopping $450 a month for 3 children). He goes into all of this by quickly changing the focus of the conversation from our son and his ankle injury to his back injury and his problems. My ex and I have a reasonable relationship but he was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but he has a narcissistic edge to him. He goes through jobs faster than anyone I have ever seen (he had 8 jobs last year). He always justifies having to quit because everyone is against him, they don't appreciate his fantastic work (he is a good chef but c'mon) he thinks that he is the only one who has a good work ethic and he can't work places where he perceives that they don't know how to run their business. Its always "they are a bunch of clowns and don't know what they a doing" and "they don't know how to run a business so I refuse to work there". Meanwhile he is now $2500 in arrears because of this. It goes on and on but I think you get the picture. Its always everyone else's fault as to why he can't hold a job, its never his fault that he can't keep his big mouth shut (he tells his co-workers off). He says that he speaks the truth and no one can handle the truth anywhere he goes and that's why there is always a problem; if others weren't afraid of the truth and regarded his nonsense as the truth then the world would be a better place. I'm not kidding, he has been I telling me this for the past 16 years. We've been divorced for 8 years and I still have to listen to his nonsense. I hope this description helps illustrate the actions of a borderline and narcissistic personality at work. I do like my ex husband as a person but he is hard to be around as he blamed me for all of his problems; that's why we are divorced. When I married him at 25 i am now 40; at the time I thought everything was my fault, that he was angry because I was doing something wrong and if I could just be a better wife and mother that he wouldn't be angry all the time and then we would have a better marriage. Well, I was wrong. After 7 years, I realized that the problem was him and not me and I promptly left him and filed for a divorce. He has never forgiven me for this because I left him. Borderlines are very fearful of being left by someone and they have to constantly be in a relationship. They day after our divorce was finalized, he ran out and got married. The day his second wife asked for a divorce, he went out and found a new girlfriend; he can't be alone with out a girl on his arm. Its so sad. I wish he would get better for the sake of our boys but I know that at 46 that this isn't going to happen. It makes me sad that I couldn't help him but now I know that nobody can but himself and this will never happen because he thinks that there is nothing wrong with him, that it is the rest of the world that has a problem.

Towanda did a great job summarizing narcissism. I learned about this while watching princess brat and her mother. I also studied personality disorders in an abnormal psychology class. Narcissism is a personality disorder. It sounds like Twit also has borderline personality disorder as well. You should look this up as you would be surprised at how it suits Twit. These are the kind of people that will love someone one day and the next they are they're biggest enemy. When my DH went to therapy with his ex and princess brat he was told that they were narcissists and that narcissists cannot be treated with therapy because they don't think that there is anything wrong with them. For the borderlines, everyone has a problem but them, the world is out to get them, nothing is their fault, there is an excuse for everything; sounds just like Twit.

I'm still amazed at how well you have dealt with her

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks for the info. Can you tell me what a boarderline personality is?

When you talked about holding down jobs you hit the nail right on the head with Twit. She would get a job, be there for a year, six months, etc. and then get let go. The general excuse DH heard was that the boss wanted to hire a relative, or the girl that got the job lied about her, etc. She, too, always wants to show that she is the smartes knife in the drawer. If you know something, she knows more. Hard to talk to her because it is like being in competition with someone all the time when you don't want to be in competition you just want to, well, be.

And she lies and tells tails - this even DH told me a long time ago when she started some problems early in our marriage -- but he said he was aware of it. I found that DH being aware of it is one thing, but teling me that I had to put up with carp etc from her is a totally different thing. Yet, at the same time, Twit brags about how she doesn't lie...go figure.

It is totally confusing. And since I disengaged, I no longer spend time trying to figure out what Twit means etc. I KNOW what she is and does and, being disengaged, DH is the one getting clobbered with her stuff, not me.

I am just smart enough to keep an eye on her, watch what I might say to her, be pleasant so she can't moan about me to DH, and pretty much ignore her.

Amber Miller's picture

Sure, I'd love to help. There are an array of symptoms and not every individual exhibits all the symptoms. I found a couple great explanations on the following websites. I hope the like will work. People with borderline personality disorder fear abandonment, blame the rest of the world for their problems, think they are in the right and everyone else is in the wrong. Some people with BPD will make suicidal gestures and engage in cutting behavior. They think the world is against them and this really manifests in a type of paranoia. They can't hold jobs and have tumultuous relationships. One day they are your best friend and the next day you are their biggest enemy. These people with BPD are intense with their emotions. They will come on too strong and then if they perceive that someone has done them wrong they are unable to forgive them. This is a nutshell version of what I know. Here are a few resources

I hope this helps. I could be wrong in my assessment but if you check out these articles it should help you determine if Twit is afflicted with this mental disorder. Good luck and enjoy reading. These articles aren't that long so it shouldn't be too daunting to read this information.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks for posting that info. I read them is so true. Twit never, ever forgets or forgives anything whether she imagines it or not. Guess that is one reason she has no friends. We can all have disagreements with our friends, but that is just part of, well, friendship. I have always said that being a good friend I have your interest at heart. I am not going to let you do something stupid if you ask, and I will tell you the truth, not what you might want to hear. I am there for them. People who don't care about one, acquaintances, don't have anything invested so they tend to tell you what you want to hear.

Oh, the scariest part of one of those articles you posted was that it said that these BP people get worse in their 40's and 50's. My goodness! Twit is bad enough already and if she get worse in her 50's....well, I just can't imagine.

Amber Miller's picture

I am so glad that you were able to read the articles. You are right about friends, sometimes the truth hurts but it needs to be said. A true friend will see that you are trying to be helpful. I'm not sure if the articles described how hard it is for a psychiatrist or therapist to treat personality disorders. People like Twit and psycho princess brat don't think there is anything wrong with them. Just like princess brat, they think the world owes them a favor, that they are above the law and rules don't apply to them. I hope you found validation in the articles to reassure you that it's not your problem, it's Twits and you have done nothing wrong. Yes, it is interesting that the articles said that it gets worse when the person is 40-50 years old. I strongly suggest that this personality disorder is what Twit (as well as princess brat) is afflicted with. Reading the symptoms you can see that the afflicted individual really has no control of their life. It's a roller coaster with little reward. It's just sad that their parents sometimes can't see them for the manipulative pieces of work that they are; especially fathers when it comes to their daughters. My DH is a health care professional. He has a full understanding of personality disorders and can see it in patients and he sees it in his wh@re daughter but still makes excuses for her bad behavior.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I guess that would be why doctors don't generally treat their own families. They are too close to the situation to be objective about a lot of things. Plus, feelings, love, etc. get into it and make a big mess. I think you know what I am trying to say.

Amber Miller's picture

Absolutely 100% correct. It also makes the individual wish they could fix all the health problems that their family members suffer from and they get frustrated when they can't fix the problem.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Greed is an evil trait. I truly believe that is what started my SD on the hate campaign. It took me a few years to figure it out. A dear friend of mine who has also been in SD's company in previous years noticed the greedy manipulative manner she had. I didn't see it until it got real ugly, oh and my friend finally pointed it out to me. I DIDN'T see it! I trusted her - what a fool I was.

Edited to add, my friend kindly told me to watch my back as SD is out to get me / ruin my marriage. She must have seen and heard things I didn't even know about.

Now she is really trying to work DH to "hold" onto our cottages so she has someplace to go when her and gkids visit. It will be too uncomfortable in "our" new house - if we actually do make it that far.

Amber Miller's picture

Oh I know your pain. Cottages??? She should rent her own hotel room. Funny how these adult brats think it's everyone elses responsibility to take care of them. Sickening!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

The give me, give me, give me never ends. Well, DH got a call from Twit this morning. Seems that she is still very sad and distraught over the passing of her FIL. She suggested that perhaps we should take her and her hubby out for the seafood buffet at the for them of course, to make HER feel better! Note, no mention of how bad her hubby feels.

Now, that Twit thinking doesn't surprise me at all. After all, she has told me in the past one thing she LOVES is free, expensive meals. But what did surprise me was DH responding that he is still waiting for her to take us out for a nice dinner, and not at McDonalds. That things are a two way street and SDMC(me) has better things to do with the points she earned at the casino than always feeding her for free! He went on to say he had not even heard a thank you from her for taking care of the dogs during her hubby's fathers passing, wake and funeral!
Wowza!!! Sure shocked me! Heck, in the past DH has even offered my points as a thing to get his DD to spend time with him.

Seems, as DH was saying, the only time we ever hear from her is when she wants dog sitting, free meals or something, or wants to cry about how put upon she is by her siblings, mother and her hubby's family.

This is definately a new page for DH and I hope he sticks with it.

Down side, DD hung up on him. Oh well. Never fear, she will want something and call back telling him that she was off her meds or some such nonsense - no apology, but that he should understand.

I only post this because I am shocked...DH is finally getting it!

Amber Miller's picture

By the way, how is a seafood buffet going to ease her severe pain and mental distress from the loss of her father in law? I thought once she got DH 's inheritance and whatever she could loot out of his house that her supposed grieving act would be completed. So now she needs seafood? Get her a bag of fish sticks. I would've loved to see how she acted at the funeral. From what I can guess,l she probably put the act on really thick and faked hyperventilation from crying.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I don't know, I guess worrying about who is taking or getting what without her knowledge, and waiting for probate must be making her hungry.

As she said, the day after the FIL passed their phone started ringing off the hook with all the brothers and sisters talking about who wants and who will get what. I could care less, but it is fun to watch Twit worry and kabitz about it. Basically, before anything can be done, the man's will has to go through probate.

She is just looking for another freebie. DH and I aren't buying.

Amber Miller's picture

You are about as lucky as that poster who's SD is moving 900 miles away. Good for DH. You are reaping the rewards of disengagement. Sounds like DH is done with her nonsense since he read that letter.

Towanda's picture

Sorry, but Twit and my other narcissist SD are so alike that it makes me chuckle!

SD32 hasn't seen DH for 3 years, has made up all sorts of lies about us, didn't come to my mother's funeral, didn't come see her dad after his radical cancer surgery, writes hate notes, etc. Well, her own hubby's grandfather died. My DH and I are friends with her hubby's parents. We showed up at the funeral home to pay our respects to our friends. SD32, come running up to us and says "oh thanks for coming!" We haven't seen her in years. Like we were there to see her????? Her hubby's grandfather? I smiled, walked right past her and totally ignored her. She truly thought we came to see her. She who cares absolutely nothing about us. Our friends hugged us, told us they loved us and they miss us and maybe we could sneak dinner in some evening. They said they are very careful what they do around her because they want to see their grandson but feel our pain.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Totally amazing isn't it? They just don't get that the world would revolve quite normally without them.