Tired of faking it
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DH and I have been married for 14 years. Even though we dont live in the same country as his children we usually see them once a year. It is usually the worst time of my life and I feel physically sick everytime I have to be around them. SD had a baby last year that we have not seen and she's getting married at xmas time. I cannot face it at all. I am so exhausted of faking it. How can I get out of it. DH does not deal well with rejection. I am a nervous wreck. I wish I could tell him straight how much I hate his children and that I have no interest in their existence . I cant face another 14 years of this. Please anyone with some advice?
hell yeah...I wish I didn't
hell yeah...I wish I didn't have to see Princess Boy but ONCE a year...what a fantastic world that would be!!!!
I would be so damn happy if I
I would be so damn happy if I saw "my husband's 6 kids and their families" once a year. Hell, I wouldn't even buy alcohol - one prozac would do the job. Girl you are so damn lucky - you should really count your blessings!!! Once a year and you're exhausted??? It takes my DH almost a week to clean up after his "family" comes for Christmas (I disengaged!) Let's trade places!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I for the life of me never
I for the life of me never understand why everyone here is afraid to tell their dh how they feel. there are nice ways to say I dont like when your kid is here and need your support
. I understand how it can
. I understand how it can seem as I am being unreasonable to ask for advice compared to many who has to deal with skids on a daily basis. Nevertheless we spend a month abroad and see them everyday for the whole duration. No we do nothing on our own. SD and partner lives in our property and there is no way of avoiding them when we are there. Needless to say one month with them is more than enough to throw myself over a cliff.
Meh, I could manage to avoid
Meh, I could manage to avoid them just fine. Skid and her father can rekindle the Daddy bond while I find plenty of things to do to entertain myself. Oh, I'd do the social polite hour here and hour there, then zip, I'm outta there. Unless this property is off in the boonies and making my escape meant swimming rivers and climbing mountains to find civilization and peace of mind, I'm good. In my little vehicle and away I'd go. Hide in my private apartment of the home, make my appearance for meals (which would not be being prepared nightly by me) ...every sight seeing place, shopping nook and restaurant would know twoviewpoints is back in the country and dodging the skid.
I could manage to kill 'em of kindness for their daily hour or two and poof, end of my obligation. I could even manage to properly play a bit here and there with the wee one and perhaps bring back small treats from my daily outing to share. A wedding too? Sure, I can manage to beautiful myself and attend one wedding and reception, after-all the bride will be too busy being the center of attention to realize I've done nothing all evening but be present.
Do everyone a favor and don't
Do everyone a favor and don't go to that wedding. Chances are it won't go well and I would hate for your SD's special day to be ruined.
Again, let's trade places!
Again, let's trade places! You put up with my 6 "wonderful" adult lazy ass selfish arrogant asses (and their families) and I'll put up with whatever you put up with. I would definitely trade places for once a year!!!
OK sorry you are not getting
OK sorry you are not getting much sympathy. My guess is that your life is great and then you are in shock because for one month a year your life is consumed by SD and partner in a close living situation.
Like everyone else I am incredibly jealous of the once a year thing but that is only by comparison with our personal hells. by comparison with a happily married woman who does not have to live with a step daughter for one month a year, you are to be pitied.
Some questions and ideas.
Can you ask to live in a separate place for the month?
Is the SD's wedding looming because his ex and lots of horrible people will be there?
Is she mean to you and weird or is it just that living with other adults for a month is not a great gig?
Can you go for two weeks and he goes for the whole month? Maybe that is not a great idea because it leads to separation but it would halve the duration?
Hello and welcome! I would
Hello and welcome!
I would suggest this approach: while it is ok to feel what you feel for your skids,
it is generally NOT a good idea to keep your husband notified of the intensity of your antipathy towards them. I speak from experience here. Parents do not like to hear negative feedback. So why not inject some humor into the situation and try to see it in an amusing light? You could be blogging on here and keeping us posted about their latest shenanigans, but you need to keep a polite face on IRL.
Also, there must be something positive about being in a foreign country for a month.
Plus, there is a baby in the picture. Do you like babies? They can be very amusing...
Or you could bring a camera or your cell phone and declare that your new hobby is photography. You could be going in expeditions to enrich your photo collection every day. Or take a language class.
Why do you say you get physically sick when around them? Are they nasty to you? What makes you a nervous wreck?
Whoops when I said separate
Whoops when I said separate place, that is you and hubby in separate holiday place to SD and her partner.
Wow, why is everyone being so
Wow, why is everyone being so harsh? Living with them 24/7 for a solid month is a lot longer time spent than most of us have to spend with SK spread over the entire year!! I feel for you. That would be hell for me too. When there is no reprieve, that is the worst part. How have you dealt with this situation for 14 years!!? If you do go, you need to schedule time when you and DH do separate things. This may be easier now with the baby since they may not want to drag it around everywhere. Wish I was more help. Please keep us updated.
I am so sorry you feel this
I am so sorry you feel this way, but I totally understand it! I'm in the same boat but mine are adult step children who I have to see every birthday, holiday and inbetween (unless I choose not to - which is becoming more and more). Maybe you should tell your husband to visit with his daughter by himself. Maybe the SD would rather have her dad to herself for some alone time. I know of another marriage and the couple decided the dad would travel on vacations with his son himself and the SM would stay home...and it has worked for them. There has to be a happy medium, especially if you really cherish your marriage...maybe be honest with your DH.