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Tired of the BS (Long Rant)

Overit2018's picture

It's been a while since I posted, but I just need to vent... A few years ago, SS started to gain a lot of weight and the docs originally thought it was Cushing's disease. Nothing was helping her, and her "horrible anxiety at school" allowed her to take the rest of her HS classes online so she could avoid the supposed horrific realities of...life. In the background, unbeknownst to me at the time, BM was planning on "sending her off" to us in another state to go to school. Before this happened, I was not asked, but TOLD that this was suddenly the plan, at that somehow her moving away from home and her beloved BM who is also her best friend in the world, was a good idea. I was not asked, I was told. "This is for her health and maybe it will be good for her," they said. "She's had it so rough the last few years," they said.

Fast forward to over 6 mos later and she seems JUST FINE to me. She has a job, is going to school, which is great, but there seems to be NO INTENTION of her moving out of this house and getting on campus or her own place. No set schedule, no concrete plan, no timeframe. When I bring it up, I get treated as if I have a third head and I am somehow horrible because "She needed to move out here for her health." (I am officially calling BS BTW).

In one ear she complains about having no friends (I tell her REPEATEDLY SHE NEEDS TO BE ON CAMPUS SO SHE CAN MAKE FRIENDS) & the other day she actually said the words "I wish I never left home", which actually made me sick because why did you leave in the first place??? Then in the other ear, everything is just lovely, she loves her job and the few friends she has met there. That would be great If I knew there was an intention of taking that f'n money and saving it for a G'damn apartment. But instead, she shops every weekend and owns more shoes than Imelda Marcos, and has also already run up her brand new credit card, which she was also supposed to get just to BUILD UP CREDIT FOR AN APARTMENT.

When she is off work, she never leaves the house, rarely goes out, and just generally lies around and takes up space. She used to spend all her free time in her room which was OK, but suddenly she's decided the living room has become her new domain. Her new doctor has diagnosed her with PCOS which I have several friends who deal with that and have turned out just fine. So I don't really understand the supposed health issues, she seems totally unmotivated in regards to school and only talks about work like she just moved here to get a job and lounge around in her spare time. None of this crap is making sense, and it all feels like a bad dream.

DH and I want to buy a home when the lease runs out, but I told him she IS NOT and WILL NOT be moving in with us because I refuse to let her trash our home like she trashes her room and bathroom here. He agrees-BUT-He still will not force the conversation with her to find out WHEN SHE IS MOVING OUT. So I am in purgatory hell, waiting to go on with our lives in peace because not a single soul will tell me what the F she is doing. It's like she just came here and took over my life, and I have no say-so in the matter. I am told, "it will happen, just be patient." Patient? For how long? I won't even make it another few months at this rate... 

Mommyundearest's picture

We are similar sinking ships.I just posted today on the board about my lazy 22 year old SS who my husband refuses to hold accountable.I have drawn the conclusion that the bio kids even if they are grown adults who are ,ruining our peace,marriage and lives will always win.I know that if hubby doesnt get on board getting this kid moving I will be the one moving.

MurphysLaw's picture

You have tried to speak with DH about it, NOW you open up the topic IN FRONT OF THEM BOTH AND DEMAND ANSWERS.

STRAIGHT TO SD FACE:

”Sd, I was told you would be here FOR A SHORT WHILE. WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING? Have you looked at apartments? I VALUE MY PRIVACY & NEVER WANT TO EVER LIVE WITH AN ADULT That I’m NOT married to.

Lets make a MOVE OUT DATE NOW & work towards it.

Show your ass if you have to but get the cow OUT OF YOUR HOME

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Time for a come to Jesus meeting with your idiot husband.

Tell him his adult spawn is to be out in 30 days in her dime (not yours!) or YOU will leave and take your money and equity in the home and buy a home just for you and divorce him. This is a hill worthy of dying on.

The silver lining that your SD’s PCOS will prevent her from getting pregnancy and using you and Disney daddy for your money for her b*stard spawn via five different baby daddies.

Winterglow's picture

I agree - don't ask him when she'll be leaving, tell him when she'll be leaving. If not, this will drag on forever.

Rags's picture

Sounds like the female version of my SS’s SpermDad.  4 all out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas.  Two baby mamas were statutory rape victims.

Evil3's picture

 No, it will not happen naturally. My DH strung me along and I ended up with SD until she was 25 and SS until he was 24. I had to pull quite the stunt to get SS the hell out of my house. Ask your DH specific questions that require specific answers. What is the launching plan? What exactly are you saying to SD? YOU give your DH the date. Give him notice of 1) when he must tell his kid the news; and 2) the date she must be out by. You will have to place some requirements upon your DH to make things happen or he'll continue to string you along for YEARS just like mine did.