Time for OSS to move out!
OSS is turning 21 this month and has failed to launch. He's not here much because he works during the day and spends a lot of time at his girlfriends house, who just turned 20 and is still living with her parents. My then Fiancé and I, along with her 4 boys moved into a nice 5 bed 3 bath rental house in Feb. 2016 (We married in July 2016). Before we moved in she told me that OSS was looking for a place and was planning on moving after he turned 20 in July. I figured, ok he can stay with us for a few months, no problem. Well here it is 1 1/2 years later and he's still here. He does nothing helpful around the house, just comes and goes, uses the laundry and eats the food and pays no rent. My Wife and I had a baby in December who has been sleeping in our room since she was born. She is now 7 months old and ready for her own room. My wife told me a few months ago that OSS and his girlfriend were looking for a place of their own, but that hasn't happened yet. I've asked my wife many times if they are still looking for a place and all she says is "I don't know". I think I'm going to stop asking and make it happen. I like to be as tactful as possible and I don't want to put my wife on the defensive but I'm tired of this situation. This is what I'm planning to say:
"I keep asking if (OSS) and (girlfriend) are looking for their own place but I have not received a real answer yet. So I'm not asking anymore. (OSS) will be 21 this month and he needs to take responsibility for his own adult life, and our baby needs a room of her own. (OSS) needs to find a place of his own before the end of summer."
Any suggestions?
Yeah SS is a freeloader and
Yeah SS is a freeloader and needs to be on his own. Mommy needs to stop coddling him. I fear this will happen to me as well if YSS decides to move in with us when he is older and DH will let him to whatever he wants like he does now. Tell you wife that SS needs to start paying something to you and her if he wants to continue to live in your house otherwise he needs to go. No way would I let a 21 year freeload. Do you pay a majority of the bills?
We split the rent 50/50. I
We split the rent 50/50.
I usually pay the utilities, sometimes she helps.
She usually buys the food, sometimes I do.
We don't really get too technical about that.
Ok I would suggest that SS
Ok I would suggest that SS pay a little towards rent or utilities if he is going to continue to live under your roof that way he is contributing something. This is not too unreasonable I think since your spouse doesn't want to give SS a push to launch.
Agree with Tankh21 - one of
Agree with Tankh21 - one of the main reasons any child (bio and skids) fail to launch is because they have it too good at home. I often hear parents complaining at work about this and when I ask them if they still cook and clean for their adult child they say yes. Then I ask them if they charge their child board and they always say no.
Seriously – and they wonder why??
No more asking. Just inform
No more asking. Just inform your wife that you are going to tell (not ask) to leave by x date.
Next thing you know he's going to move the GF into your home if you don't get this under control.
I'd relocate ss21 into one of
I'd relocate ss21 into one of the other kids bedrooms to make room for the baby's nursery. Inform him that he will now be sharing a room w/his younger siblings AND since he is 21 that he'll be contributing $50 a week towards the grocery bill and paying 1/7th of the utilities. He'll likely throw a fit and not like it but it'll help him learn about contribution plus it may make him uncomfortable enough that he'll be ready to move out.
Why make yourself the bad
Why make yourself the bad guy? This is his mother's responsibility to initiate. So you are paying 50/50 but she has 4 kids? What a great deal for fiancee, subsidy for her tribe and someone to do the dirty work. You describe the splitting of expenses as a "technicality". I predict this technicality will start to become an issue.
Move him into another room to
Move him into another room to share with a young annoying little brat...
I would turn his room into a nursery and move the baby in with him, he can wake up at night and see to her, seeing he's not doing anything else...
and he can pay rent from now on
I'm in similar position as a
I'm in similar position as a lot of you know. My SS has lived with us for 3 years. When he came it was for 1 year maximum. I've been to a solicitor recently. If he pays rent and you have a mortgage then he can claim part ownership of the house. That's what the solicitor said. Put your foot down. Kick him out. My SS is to go by next month but if he doesn't go it's really the end for me.
Steve
That's an interesting
That's an interesting perspective but it doesn't make sense. We are renting but even if I was paying a mortgage making him paying rent would not give him the right to claim part ownership of the house. I'm paying rent but can't claim part ownership of the house. Rent is just rent, it does not give a person any legal claim to ownership.
I believe Steve is from
I believe Steve is from another country so they may have different laws there.
(No subject)