Talk about SD upping the ante. This shocked me.
I have disengaged from my SD. I am also in the process of letting DH know I will not stand from nonsense from him about her as well.
Grandson is on leave after returing from Afghanistan. She called and invited DH (and I guess moi) over today, May 6, for a cook out and to spend time with Grandson.
Well, we arrived at the time to be told by her husband she was leaving immediately!
She had a Pampered Chef show to go to and was off to that!!!
Must say, when I heard that, I didn't even bother with her, period. So much for being civil. Her hubby did the honors for cooking and pretty much kept his distance from us as well. Didn't matter, we came to see the Grandson and so we sat with him and talked about his plans for the future, about Afganistan, etc.
But I just could not believe her doing that. Her husband was all apologetic about her having to leave, but it sounded quite false. More like we were there and she was going to leave because we were there.
Didn't say anything to her husband, or to mine, but there isn't going to be any more get togethers where we are insulted by the person inviting us getting up and leaving.
Seeing as the Grandson was going to be there for two more weeks one would think she could reschedule if necessary.
And yes, we have to wait for an invitation from her to go to her house for whatever reason.
As for me, part of me thinks she did that as an insult, but part of me says who cares.
I know that DH was quite
I know that DH was quite surprised that she did this, but he hasn't said a word yet to me about it. Usually he makes excuses for her when she pulls her carp. So far nadda.
Yes, Agusta, I could see he
Yes, Agusta, I could see he was quite peeved and surprised. I was surprised, but wasn't going to let it ruin my visit with my step grandson.
But I am certainly glad to have this forum to come to to post what goes on with this SD as it is far better to look at things and hear what others have to say, than to feel bad, or rant and rave or get upset by her bad behavor. THAT is what she wants. I didn't buy in, I just feel terrible for DH who hasn't said a word about it yet.
If he brings it up, I will listen, and not add any input into her behavior. Sooner or later I know he is going to say that he was hurt. My response is that he might want to talk to her about her actions and his feelings. It's not my problem (but I wouldn't say that to him as that would be mean).
You see you haven't
You see you haven't disengaged. You're still letting her push your buttons. Shoot it seems to me that you would have done a little dance when you found she was leaving. Isn't that what you want?
Yet you find fault. When are you going to adjust your attitude, yes yours, so that no matter what she does or fails to do can have no effect on you. That's all it takes. A 180 degree turn in your attitude and this young woman disappears and has no effect on your life.
Ruin it for her by having no reaction at all and it'll get back to her that you seemed neither elated or angered by her absence. Remember it's irrelevent if she's there or not.
Hi orange - Yeah, it bothered
Hi orange - Yeah, it bothered me but only because my husband was quite shocked by her taking off. He was really hurt by her doing this.
As I said above, I didn't know whether to be insulted or grateful, but I am grateful she disappeared. It is just interesting that she went to such an extreme to avoid me, especially after inviting us. Kind of like inviting someone to dinner and then no one being home when they come is pretty low.
It made a lot of people there feel uncomfortable....her husband who didn't know what to say to us, the Grandson who didn't know what ws going on, and my own DH who I know feels hurt by what she did. He is in his 70's, and really wants the family to all get along. What is interesting is that I was more than willing to stay and visit with her hubby and the grandsons. DH, on the other hand, wanted to leave as quickly as possible because of what she pulled I am certain.
Though I have disengaged, I was willing to go and make the best of it. Socialize like I would do at any dinner party.
And we did stay for about 4
And we did stay for about 4 hours of visiting, eating and talking with the grandsons. I even tried to put her hubby at easy by asking him to show me what he was working on and how it was going.
IMO, if she came back, who gave a darn....not me. Though I am certain DH would have been pleased if she did come back. He was visually peeved by what she pulled.
She has been pulling some real carp lately trying to get me to get upset, etc., and this is just an escalation that didn't work. You see, though I have disengaged from her drama and nonsense, I still know when she is trying to pull my chain, I just don't have to react to it.
Now if DH and I would have left quickly, or right away after seeing Grandson, she would have a feather in her cap.
I would love to be a fly in the room next time he talks to her....well actually not because I don't care. Her bad behavior, IMO, is DH's problem, not mine.
The up-side is your grandson
The up-side is your grandson is home safe and sound. My son should be back in Germany sometime soon from Afghanistan. So the REAL reason for going over there was to see your grandson and you didn't have to put up with her crap so really it was a win-win.
Seriously it was like going to a restaurant. The owner wasn't there but the cook was as well as your 'table guest'. And think of it this way ... to avoid you the SD had to go out and spend money at a party. Not only did they have to provide food but spend additional money to avoid you. Your cup is MORE than half full on this one!
oneoffour - You are so right.
oneoffour - You are so right. Glad to hear your son will be out of Afghanistan soon. I only wish and pray all of our men and women were out of that place.
What I want to say is that she is trying all kinds of things to get under my skin and I just don't care. And the biggest difference is that I no longer say anything to DH about how his daughter acts, etc., I just leave it to him to see. And believe me, the light is finally going on in his attic. I was on the brink of leaving before I started dis-engaging and I found this forum.
As I see it, disengaging doesn't mean that I am not aware of what is going on....that would be naive. It means that I don't react, that I don't get drawn into the drama, the crying jags, etc. That there are no more arguments with my DH telling me I should apologize for some imagined slight SD feels.
In fact, it feels good to know that I am aware of her upping the ante and I am not giving her the response she wants. I never said a word about her being missing from action.