Stepson moved out!!
Well after a long, stressful, dramatic few weeks SS is gone! DH went back on what he said and refused to kick him out, I left for the night saying I'm done I'm calling a lawyer to get separation going. DH then messaged me saying don't do this it's going to destroy everyone and everything. Are you kidding me! YOU are the one doing the destroying. Anyway after seeing that I was serious he told SS that he had to leave and go to grandparents (who offered the week before knowing that the situation was causing great stress on our marriage)
so he's gone now and DH and I have talked a bit. I said I feel ignored, pushed aside like I don't matter and he agreed that he could see how I feel that way and that I do matter. This situation went nuclear and I don't want to go there again. Stress affects me so much physically to the point that I get flu like, nauseous etc. I need to decompress and figure out if this can still be saved. I feel bad saying it but I am so relieved that he's gone and knowing he won't ever live here again is so relieving too!
Be careful that daddy guilt doesn’t come back
Because soon enough he will chuck a sob story about ss claiming he apologized and is real sorry for everything despite him not apologizing direct to you, hubby will claim he did to me and it was genuine etc and claim why not give him a chance??
thing they forget is years of abuse, torture and torment don’t guilt you ever into feeling sorry for skid or require you to forgive him and give him another chance only for the same shit to continue...
Yes, what shamds said - make
Yes, what shamds said - make sure you are unwavering on the boundary that this young adult will never live in your home again. And that DH won't support him financially forever.
Congrats, now Spotlight on DH...
... who created, nurtured, and enabled this b.s. at the expense of YOU.
I can (unfortunately) 100% relate. Heed the very real warnings above. Trust.
It was your DH's lack of
It was your DH's lack of action and protection that finally drove you away, not the miserable SS. Keep that clear in your head. Make SURE you have solid boundaries in place that IF you go back, that DH will suffer severe consequences if he goes barrelling through those boundaries again.
Prepare for love bombing. He will promise you anything just so that his life will be easier. It's time to go slow and be careful. Your DH knew you were at your breaking point, and he let you break. What will change in the future to prevent a replay, and how can you be sure?
Thank you!
DH, bio kids and I are all at home. I had only left for about 12 hours, I was back the next morning but had told DH to find a place for him and SS, that is when he changed his tune.
I totally agree with all above. I am taking it one step at a time. SS will never live in my house again! If DH even considers going there, I will be firm with my boundary and we will be over if he crosses it.
I am really struggling with the fact that he did let me break before he made the change. I can't and won't just move on like nothing happened. It's going to take a lot of work if we stay together. thank you all for the advice and support.
Yes, I think there needs to
Yes, I think there needs to be some communication (maybe counseling) about why you had to do what you did to get him to hear you. Why he allowed, and participated in, such disrespect.
Yes, be careful and heed these warnings
Many Bios are totally weak and will give in to anything for their kids. I love my DW but it nearly came to the wrecking of our marriage before she would work with me and now he has a clear expectation and dates set to launch.