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Stepson help needed

Scarlett 359's picture

Submitted by Scarlett 359 on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 11:37am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Hi everyone. So this has been going on for almost half a year now. My stepson and I have always had a good relationship. Until covid hit. Then we didn't see eachother for a long time as he lives with his mother. He has been a victim on CM and his mother is terrified the guy will find them again even after 9 years. My SS recently went in for surgery to remove his appendix and it all started after. I contacted him every day to ask how he was doing. Then one day he asked for all his photos to be removed from my FB. I said no and explained the photos are safe and the person in question cannot find him through them. On a side note I have also been a victim of CM so I take extreme measures to keep my S pictures safe from being seen. I do not have anyone I do not know or have not met in person on my FB as I explained. I received nothing back after explaining this. What happened next to me seems overkill. His mum and dad got into a 6 hour argument over the photos. I took them all down and his dad was made to take all his images down also. The mum advised my SS that the CM was tracking them down and found close by where they were. After this my H got concerned and called social to check up on him as his mum had been violent towards the children in the past and he was worried. My SS blames me for this call and refuse to speak with me or his dad. I am in a rut as this was all over FB pics and to be honest I really want to give him all the information. Especially the fact his mum has images of him and the CM still all over her account. Plus it is not private. She has lied to him saying it is and I found she does not have her own son as a friend on there. Is it right for me to provide him with all the facts? He is terrified and I feel everyone should do there part but I also want to show him that it's been 9 years and yes there will always be a worry but based on his mother's FB if the CM was going to look for them he would have found them years ago. I don't know. I feel like he should have all the evidence as he is a very smart kid. And I mean top of his class smart. Should I send him the information so he can make an informed decision about his image being online anywhere or should I just stick with the role of a hated stepmum and let this continue. I just want him to be happy and it breaks my heart that he is being told the CM has almost found him and that he is being made to feel unsafe by someone who is clearly lying. I don't know I'm just rambling now. Any advise would be great. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 4:19pm

OH - it says "on CM" and she meant "of CM".  Granted I'm old, but I couldn't figure out what social media CM referred to, lol.

I meant to reply to Winterglow and not myself. Oh well.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 12:20pm

I'm assuming CM is child molester/molestation.

He asked for the photos to be taken down because he didn't feel safe. There should have been no discussion they should simply have been removed. There should have been no attempt at rationalizing it. My advice is to let it go. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 1:01pm

Thanking down photos would not be a big thing.  Anything to help SS. No question asked.. No input needed 

Keep photos on a Zip drive or print them out for yourself 

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 1:04pm

They are images of him.  Regardless of his reasoning, if he doesn't want you to post images of him, then you should respect that.

Add to that molestation and there should be no question.

Its not about what risks you are comfortable with, or what his mom does.

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 3:18pm

You shouldn't have argued and made them private (your viewing only) -as well your DH.  As to telling him the truth about BM?  If he's old enough, I say it would be fine to counter with facts-as long as his dad does it and not you.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 04/11/2021 - 4:20pm

I would agree that you should have removed the photos just because he requested it, even if he wasn't molested by someone. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 04/12/2021 - 2:22am

If BM is lying to him and manipulating him and his relationship with his father and with you... bare her ass and show him how his loving mommy has his pics all over her public FB page.

Of course... couch the discussion as a caring protective move by you and do not be snarky about his mothers crap. But... make sure he sees it, knows what is up, and has the facts.

IMHO kids need the facts regarding a toxic manipulative parent so they can learn to protect themselves from that parent.  They need this in an age appropriate manner as minors with growing exposure to the facts until they know it all and are informed and armed to protect themselves from  a toxic manipulative parent throughout their adult lives as well.  Toxic manipulative parents do not just stop be toxic and manipulative once kids reach adulthood.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 04/13/2021 - 1:44pm

You have taken pics down. Save them somewhere for him.

Apologise for not responding appropriately and not taking them down immediately.

Im picky about that and I havent had abuse from a CM.

I would definitely tell him all the truths. If he is feeling unsafe, and toxic BM is telling him lies to further that feeling, and further her own agenda (get back into mommas arms and hate on dad and SM), then she needs to be exposed as the fraud she is. This WILL reflect badly back on you, consider having your DH do it.