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Stepdaughter More Than Normally Interested in Our Will

frustrated78's picture

Ny darling husband has been having problems with is heart the last few weeks.  About 2 years ago he had a pacemaker put in and it is sure  getting a workout.

His daughter, who lives close by but we rarely see or hear from has all of a sudden been swooping around.  Not for any extended period of time where she might want to help out with housework, lawn care or anything, but just drop bys to see if he is still living IMHO.

Yesterday she started pushing me about our wills, whether we have them, what is in them.  I stopped her once, but she brought it up again.  I told her I didn't want to talk about it.  This came up because I mentioned a cousin of mine had just passed away, just in talking.  Boom, she was on the will thing faster than whiplash.  I mentioned it to my husband to find that she has been talking to him about his will without me around on more than one occasion.

Okay, you say, someone should know about our wills, and someone does.  Just not her.  I pointed out to him that she never asked me how he was doing, if she could do anything for us, etc., immediately to the will.


frustrated78's picture

FWIW, one of the reasons this stepdaughter was never considered to be executor is that she is, shall we say greedy.  She has stolen things from us, lied to us and other things.  She also thinks she is smarter than her other siblings and my daughter.   This one is not that smart, my husband's one daughter has a Masters in Nursing, and my daughter has her Masters in Music and History.  Hubby and I made them both coexecutors so no one side involved would be slighted, so to speak.

Yesterdays's picture

I would not trust her. I would say zilch about any will and keep your wills iron clad. It's poor etiquette to discuss wills and inheritance before someone passes. Tell her to buzz off 

frustrated78's picture

That is just it.  She doesn't bother with him and now, with his irratic heart problem is smoozinh is smoozing all over him.    I was quite surprise when i told lmy H about her talk, that he told me she had been questioning him about our wills when he was in the hospital.  I was not present.

CajunMom's picture

Tell her she'll know what's in the will when death it should be. 

I have two adult children....never have they asked me about my/our/DH's wills. My daughter is our Medical POA (both me and DH, her stepfather) and even she has never asked about specifics. 

As far as I know, even DHs kids have not asked "estate" questions of him. This I know...he WILL shut that down immediately. The only info they'll get is that we have ALL our legal matters settled with our attorney and at death, you will know.  

I cannot fathom asking my parents about their wills....or anyone. SMH

frustrated78's picture

I would never have dreamed of inquiring about who gets what from my parents.  My feeling was that was none of my business.  The only thing  ever inquired about from my parents was how they wante things handled if they should become incapacitated, you know what I mean.  End ofl life decisions.  Wha they wanted for funeral arrangements, etc.  Those are the important things that are not in a will.

Those are things she is not asking about.

ESMOD's picture

I am the executor for my father's estate.. I actually manage his bills and finances.. so I know exactly what is there.. and I also know how the estate settles.. because he told me.. basically splits everything with my brother 50/50.  fairly straight forward. My brother also knows the deal.

HOWEVER.. in your case.. I would tell his daughter in no uncertain terms that she is NOT to be grilling your husband over the will.  In fact, if she does it again.. you will ensure that he enacts changes that will reduce or remove anything she was going to get.  She needs to hear that his health is fragile.. he doesn't need the stress.. she gives him stress.. you will ensure she is cut off.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Maybe she needs to be told that the reason she hasn't been told is that she isn't trustworthy to "do the right thing." 

harmony98's picture

I have a copy of my parents will.  and my daughter will get a copy of mine.  they are what they are.  It is your wishes and it shouldnt really be an issue.  If you give her a copy and she doesnt like it.  Will stop coming.  You will know she was only after money. Problem solved.

frustrated78's picture

Things just got real interesting when I tried to talk about updating our wills.  See the thread I started so this one doesn't go on and on.

Rags's picture

My parents Will is simple.  It is split equally between m brother and I.  Though recently there has been an update, they are "selling" us their home. It is important to my mom that their home remain a family home where everyone can gather.  My brother is extremely successful and he has no need for a house. He told mom and dad to make sure I get the house and to split everything else down the middle.

Our Will is simple.  We are each the others sole heir and beneficiary upon our demise, it all goes to SS.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22.  I have been dad since before he could talk. So, after he has a long run of a mom assigned chore list while living in the nursing home with his mother, he will get everything that is left.

I have the same problem. My mom was 19 when they had me.  DW was 16 when she had SS.  I'll be the only guy in the nursing home with chores assigned by his mom.

I have never asked about mom and dad's Will.  SS has never asked about ours. Though neither Will is a secret.


Winterglow's picture

French law simplifies things as it overrides wills. You can only do what you want with 1/4 of your estate (should you choose to do so), the rest is predefined. We're currently considering gifting our daughters our home so they never have to pay inheritance tax on it.

Rags's picture


I did some quick reading on French inherritance distribution.  I'm on the fence on it. On the one hand it takes most of the drama out of the picture since the law is the law. On the other hand, why does government get any say over how someone distributes their estate in a Will?  The individual's assets, the individual should allocate those resources as they see fit.

In a bad case, a kid who will pump it all up their nose  or into a vein gets assets that they have no business ever getting and that the deceased parent may never have given that kid.


Rags's picture

Ahhhh. Napoleonic Law Vs British Common Law.

Which is why Louisiana is such a strange place compared to the other 49 US States.  Even for Yanks.


Also why Morocco was the most challenging internatinonal assignment I have ever had in an Expat leadership role.  The GCC countries do business primarily on the UK/US/Aus/NZ/SA model. Morocco does a French basis business model.  But OMG, the wine. Usually Bordeux varietals grown in the Atlas foothills.  Amazing.

If you can find it, our favorite is:

Château Roslane, 1er Cru, Coteaux de l’Atlas 1er Cru, Meknès & Fès, Morocco, 2011

If you are a Wine person and can find a bottle, I reccomend it highly. We could get it broadly when we lived in Morocco until mid year 2016 when the 2011 became very rare. The 2013 is good as well but not the gold metal calibre of the 2011.

France is a beautiful place and we have very much enjoyed time there.  I am sure you are living a wonderful life there. 


Winterglow's picture

I'm in the Rhone valley area (so hefty reds and elegant whites) and recommend any chateauneuf-du-pape that you can lay your hands on. I have a few maturing nicely here. They were DH's price to pay for leaving me for a two day mountain bike challenge near Orange - I strike a hard deal. 


MorningMia's picture

I'm salivating. Morocco is on my bucket list! I've been to South Africa--they have wonderful wines, too. And France--yes! I like Chilean wines as well. 

Rags's picture

The food is beyond belief in Morocco.  The lamb is beyond..... beyond.   The flavors of just the fresh ingredients put US agriculture to shame.  Mainly because it is just about all organic with very little chemicals used.

Tthe world largest producer of Phosphates including fertilizers and the basically don't use them domestically.