Stepdaughter from hell
Hi I'm new here,
I've decided to write a few lines here to get some support. I've been rummaging through the contents of some very similar stories to my own. But I have a question.
How does one survive a manipulating, greedy and selfish SD23? Do they change eventually?
I've lived over a year now with this situation and I'm beginning to think I'm losing my mind.
She has borrowed, begged and stealed. Lied her way to get money from her dad. Had a drug problem. She has had everything you could ever want as a child. Your typical spoilt brat.
Her dad has a guilty conscience because her BM left when she was 6yrs old. He thinks this has caused her behaviour problems. Possible. But she is an adult now.
I also brought up my DSs on my own. They weren't spoilt. They are adults. They get on very well with my SO. I thought i would get on with his two adult kids ...but no...I have been very patient with SD and I have had it.
How can I disengage?
Seperate finances
Seperate finances. Each contribute to running house, each gets the rest of what he or she earns. Does the SD live with you ?
If she lives with you, there
If she lives with you, there has to be a plan for her to move out in a reasonable time frame. If she doesn't live with you, just tell your SO/DH that you want to hear nothing about her and separate your finances so your money isn't going to enable her.
Yes, her BM abandoning her probably did affect her, but so did his guilty parenting, which failed to create a person of character. He's just as much to blame.
If you aren't married, DON'T DO IT!
If you are, then do as others suggested which is keep your finances separate. If your DH/SO can't support himself on his own income, yet gives to SD, then you should not fill in his gaps financially.
As to your question as to whether or not she will grow out of it, statistically the answer is probably no. If she is 23, she should already be well on the glidepath towards adulthood. Whatever personality traits she has now will probably be there for the long haul. What you see is what you are going to get for the rest of the time you are in this relationship. Decide now if it's worth sticking around, and whether disengaging is enough to make a happy life for yourself and your DH/SO.
Keep in mind that even though disengaging keeps drama to a minimum, there are still going to be times when skids behavior will bother you. Keeping your mouth shut takes effort (and practice) and it can cause resentments which you need to learn to deal with.
I'm still learning and I've been disengaged for awhile now. Events like birthdays, holidays, family crises, etc. can all be flashpoints where you will be challenged.
Good luck!
I feel you!!
My situation is so very similar! I am at my wits end but I understand what you’re going through! I don’t have words of wisdom but I know that there are those of us who are going through the same thing and hopefully something will change for us all. I haven’t found a way to deal with it yet and it seems to get harder instead of easier! I just wanted you to know that I’m there too!