Stepdaughter died, younger stepdaughter struggling to care for her nephews and niece after getting custody. I am pregnant
My husband and I have been married for three years, together for ten. DH is 60. I am 41. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first child together, my first child ever. Prior to all this I had a causal and friendly relationship with both SDs.
He had a daughter with his first ex wife who was 38. Both his first ex wife and SD38 were killed in a car accident in January 2020 caused by a drunk driver.
He has three kids with his second ex wife. SD31, SS27 and SS26. SS29 is single SS27 just got engaged but lives and attendants university abroad. SS26 is married with two kids, but lives abroad.
Late SD had absolutely no family on her mother's side. DH had very little extended family.
Late SD was a single mother by choice (via sperm donation) with twin boys age 7, a 5 year old boy, and a daughter who just turned two in March.
BM was suppose to have custody according to legal documents, but as she also passed in the crash, custody issues had to be worked out.
SD38 had no close friends or a partner. DH and I were awarded temporary custody to avoid the grandkids from being places into foster care, but DH is 60 and not up to raising four more children alone.
I made it very clear to DH that I would leave him if he chose to pursue permanent custody of his grandkids, I did not sign up to raise someone else's children.
As far as I know SD31 never had interest in children.
SD31 was a flight attendant at the time of SD38's death and had been for years. SD38 lived in the same town as SD31. To avoid the stepgrandkids being placed into foster care. SD31 quit her job, and took a professional related to her educational background.
She moved into a three bedroom rental, and changed her entire lifestyle. Her mother stayed with her for four months to help her adjust, but in January 2021 left the country (same country SSs live in)
SD31 is now constantly calling us for support. She had ja custody of the four of SD38's kids since May 2020. We had custody for months prior to that. She contasntly begs DH to come stay with her and help take care of the kids at least once a week, calls for advice about things, calls crying in the middle of the night over very small things.
Every day since the middle of January she calls her father at least five times, she calls me at least three times a week.
I recognise how difficult all of this had been for SD31. However, she chose to pursue permanent custody. I understand she feels she was pressured to do so to avoid stepgrandkids entering state care, but it was still her choice.
I have started to decline her phone calls, and am now encouraging DH to let her handle some situations on her own.
DH is making me keep quiet about my pregnancy to avoid upsetting SD31 right now, but I'm honestly at my wits end. I did not sign up for any of this. As selfish as it sounds, I want him to be happy and celebrating with me.