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Stepdaughter & Boyfriends

Popstar's picture

I have been able to distance myself from manipulative YSD25 for a while now especially as she has been single. However the situation changes once she gets a boyfriend. All of a sudden she’s back in our life wanting us to meet him obviously and I don't have a problem with that. What I can't cope with is doing this on a regular basis because she wants a change of scene from BMs house. 

She suggests this happens on a Sunday the day me and my husband like to go out together. What’s worse is my husband won’t stand up to her and tell her we're not free for fear of upsetting her. He also seems to want to form friendships with these boyfriends and hopes that we will have some sort of fairytale foursome thing going on I think! I am just not that close to her to want to do this despite my best efforts over the years. I feel uncomfortable in her company and she’s even more arrogant and unbearable in a guys company. Anyone else had these issues and how did you cope or just abit of advice would be appreciated thank you.

Winterglow's picture

"husband won’t stand up to her and tell her we're not free for fear of upsetting her"

(Not kidding) Then make him more afraid of upsetting you than upsetting her.

Seriously, how hard can it be to say "Sorry, that doesn't work for us. Sunday is our date day."

simifan's picture

Go anyway. Seriously, as long as you tolerate this it will continue. Continue on with you plans solo or with a friend. 

Winterglow's picture

and tell your husband he can go with you like a grown-up when he retrieves his balls.

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Sorry DH, Sunday doesn't work for me, and I'm upset that you'd cancel our date day without consulting me first. You can go, but I'm going to take myself out even if you don't want to come with me."

She's 25 and can be told "sorry, pick a different day". Or, your DH could ask if it's okay with you. My guess is that if he'd ask, you'd be (slightly) more receptive. But it can't be Sunday is the only day she's available, and it can't be you being told date day is canceled because DH said so for SD.

Miss T's picture

" ... make him more afraid of upsetting you than upsetting her ... '

This is so important +1 +1 +1 +1.

It sounds ugly and, speaking from experience, can be unpleasant to implement. But a DH pulling this kind of crap is displaying his power in the relationship at your expense. In other words, he's being a bully. Without getting into commentary on world affairs I think we all can see the importance of standing up to bullies.

caninelover's picture

Fortunately Bratty (SD25) still lives hours away from us but these are the types of scenarios I would fear if she ever moved back to our area (which she threatens to do from time to time).  

For now she's said she is staying where she is for a couple of years.  By then she'll be 27.  As others have said I would tell SO upfront which days were off limits for father-chikd dinners (for me...Friday and Saturday nights) and otherwise on a case but case basis.  But if he ever cancelled plans with me to go see his adult child - I would be beyond upset and hell no would I join them and pretend I wasn't upset.

I'm Enough's picture

My DH and bio's are tired of meeting her new beaus. We liked the husband, we liked baby daddy. Now, we are just tired. Yours is 25? Mine is 35. You've got a few more to meet........