Stepchildren bonding with each other
Ok. I've just had some thoughts and observations the past few weeks. My ex remarried after 20 years and my 20 something daughter was/is obsessed with her new step siblings. All males her age. They live quite a distance and were in town for the week. She literally was obsessed and with them every waking minute even taking off work for the whole week. My husband and I had some concerns as to what's going on? My older sons were in town also and basically just showed up for the wedding. They did say that she is a drinker?! and so are they. Hence the attraction. Other families it seems that when their are adult men and women better relationships? My own kids have zero relationships with my husbands daughters. Anyway just my usual rambling thoughts. I might be totally out in left field.
Are they good looking?
Are they single?
lol JRI
That cracked me up.
Single yes
Nice I'm not so sure. My daughter lost a childhood relationship over one of her new step brother. They rent houses together for vacations several times year and it seems during one of these drinking parties her friend and SB had sex one night and all kinds of accusations flew. Needless to say the friend and her family disowned my daughter. On paper these guys are well to do and have good jobs. This left me not feeling so good about them. My daughter has had very few boyfriends and she and her other friend are not kids that are the in the in crowd. I worrry about her with them. My ex promotes the drinking. He drinks with them. I just feel uneasy. I don't think this I'd healthy. It was like an addiction with them. and yes I don't know them.
The friend and her family
The friend and her family disowned your daughter over a hookup with her stepbrother? Was he accused of sexual assault? Your feelings may be for a good reason if so.
I never got the story
I think that my vibe is that lots of partying going on. These guys are older and more worldly. As I said my daughter and her friends don't travel in these guys orbits. I May be old but I just don't have good vibes. It's not a normal step sib relationship. It's too much. But her father has always demanded her loyalty to his girlfriends and their kids. It's awful to say but she won't be so enamored of them and their mother if her father passes first. I get that vibe.
He didn’t want anything to do with her after.
That's what I heard. Which made it awkward for my daughter.
Hmmm. These guys aound like
Hmmm. These guys aound like bad news.
One of my step daughter’s did the same in a way.
She's in her 40's my oldest two are mid to late 30's. She made a concerted effort to reach out and get to know them, on her own. I found it odd and so did they, especially when she dropped or ghosted then about a year later. Dunno if she realized they weren't going to play along with the appearance she was trying to put on or what. My kids are pretty down to earth and unpretentious so it might have been that she realized she had nothing to gain from the association.
Dramatic people and/or those
Dramatic people and/or those with personality disorders tend to come on strong at first, make friends quickly and weirdly closely, then have a falling-out over something weird.
100% this!
I'm dealing with a future DIL this way. I went from the greatest thing since ice cream (mothers day) to compete obvious detachment from her. I have no idea what happened nor did anything change. Very strange.
It sounds like your DD sees
It sounds like your DD sees these guys as worldly and cool.. and fun. She may have some attraction to them.. they are non-blood related guys.. so maybe she is interested? The guys from your post seem to be kind or party guys who aren't into serious dating.. so hooking up.. but not wanting a relationship.. is fine if both parties are into that level of involvement.. but if the girl was hopeful of more? was led to believe there was more? I don't know.. it sounds like they are all pretty young.. add in alcohol.. and the hormones and bad decisions abound.. your EX encourages this.. so.. the only thing you can really do is continue to have conversations with your daughter about drinking.. drug use.. the dangers of unprotected sex.. the awkwardness that could come about by getting too close with people.. like her SB's that she will see on an ongoing basis.. like a coworker. not fun in a breakup..
If she is inclined to misbehave.. I'm not sure it is in your control really.. and I don't think this is steprelated really.. same circumstance could happen with different crowds of kids at school.. at vacation on a cruise..etc.
Have you asked your daughter
What's going on or what do they do when they're all together? Of course, if she doesn't want you to know she won't give you the full spectrum of what goes on. Maybe a gentle reminder that alcohol and people don't always mix well and it's a recipe for potential danger/disaster. I echo everything @esmod said in their post. Do you have the kind of relationship with your ex-husband where you can voice your concerns to/with him? Understandable if not....but I wondered. Be well.