You are here

Step visits during The Plague

Miss T's picture

DH and I, both in a demographic at elevated risk, live in a state where covid infections are on the upswing.

I am taking precautions, including staying home, wearing a mask on my infrequent trips out, and washing my hands a lot. Remote work is not an option for DH, so he goes every day to an environment where masks are required and crews constantly go about sanitizing. He comes straight home afterward.

My kids, who live nearby, have not even suggested visiting. SS28 has plans for the Fourth that involve him traveling from his home in a state where infections are increasing to attend a crowded event some hours south of us, where infections have spiked dramatically. DH has agreed to SS28's plans to visit on his way home.

Looking for suggestions here. What are the rest of you doing about steps offering to serve as disease vectors, and DHs who can't say no to their widdle boopsies?

StrawberryPie's picture

Uh, that would be a hard no from me.  I wouldn't let SD28 come into the house. If your DH wants to see her they can go elsewhere. But why would he want to put himself at risk any further?!  I refuses to have the skids here during peak covid timeframes. It made me way too anxious.

Kes's picture

That would be a no from me too.  I have said before on here - I have been shocked at the number of reports of USA members, about their non-social distancing SKIDs, and the fact that many Americans just don't seem to be taking the COVID threat at all seriously.  Here in the UK, on the whole everyone has, with the result that numbers have been dropping since April.  I gather in some states in the USA, this is the opposite and I have been watching the Worldometer every day since March.  For a long time, there were about 20k new infections in the USA each day - now for the last week or more there have been 40k per day. https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

Do what you feel you need to, to be safe from infection. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Hard no for me as well. If DH has to see his kid, he does it away from the house, and he does it outside w/social distancing and masks.

ESMOD's picture

Have you laid it out for him like you have for us? 

Like you, my husband and I have been very careful for the last 4 months.  I have been working from home, my husband works a mostly isolated type of work.. we have not been going out to restaurants etc.. even though restrictions have been somewhat lifted where we are.  We have gotten takeout a handful of times but have mostly just done 3-4 grocery trips a month wearing a mask when we do that.  

We even relocated to a county that is more rural and infections have been very low.. though there was a recent spike of 9 positive test results in the past week.. total in the county is only 37 all time.. But, it is also a county that has waterfront vacation homes that are owned by people who live in higher risk areas.. so we are still pretty vigalent.  My inlaws next door are in their upper 70's.. and we have actually not been seeing them (even before chickengate..lol).

Well.. now my YSD.. who HAD to go to a friend's wedding in FL a week ago is facing a covid scare of her own and her wake of destruction could be pretty wide.  She has a roomate who has a BF that has been staying with them since the covid hit.  He was a student but with school closed had been crashing with them.  He is from canada.. so I think they were just thinking it was short term.. it has become long term now.. and it turns out HE has likely been very exposed because three people he works with have tested positive.  So.. someone my SD lives with.. the BF of the roomate who accompanied her on the trip to 
FL could very well be positive.. (tests pending).  Plus she just traveled to a state with rising numbers.

So this past weekend, YSD (with HER BF in tow) visited her older sister (hubby and 2 young kids in the home).. and their cousin and her BF also came over.  The next day, she goes to visit the grandparents to check on her grandmother who is apparently "beside herself and so upset over chickengate" (martyr).. then she and her BF come to see us and then go back to the grandparents to see them yet again. 

Tuesday she finds out about her possible exposure.  She has now gone to our other place in the city so she can isolate from her roomate and the roomate's BF.. and we have asked that she get herself tested to make sure.  

We have all sacrificed so much and tried hard to not be exposed.. and one stupid move could ruin it for everyone.  We just saw her and her BF outside.. but I am sure that she was in much closer indoor proximity to the grandparents and her sister etc.. Praying she doesn't have it.. 

Your husband needs to clearly understand the risk and tell his son that it really isn't a great time for a meetup given the fact that he will have been around so many people.

tog redux's picture

Tell him that if SS visits, it will have to be outside in the back yard only.  With distance, that will be safer. 
 

Would DH really have him over if you asked him not to bring him in the house?

Miss T's picture

I conveyed my horror to DH and said that if SS was going to be here, I would leave the house during the visit. This would have been a very bad thing since I will be functioning as the pitmaster preparing ribs for our sad duo barbecue on the Fourth. (Normally we have at least several people over for a feast on holidays. For those of you who don't smoke cook ribs, it takes hours of constant monitoring, and my leaving them would have been an unthinkable dereliction of duty and a shameful act of disrespect to the pig.)

Anyway, DH said no, we can't have that--not sure if because of the prospect of ruined ribs or because he recognizes that I have a right to be safe in my own home--so he and SS are going to drive in separate cars to a nearby park for their visit.

I'm still appalled at the stupidity of SS who seems determined to travel for several hours to attend a crowded event, and appalled at the stupidity of DH for suggesting we meet indoors with someone who's just been around a whole bunch of probably germy people. Actually whoever is throwing the event needs to get a clue, but so far it looks like it's still on and SS is going to go through with his stupid plans to attend. As of now, official word is that a lot of infection is taking place between young people and their elders. Here's hoping that DH and SS don't rely on their special blood immunity and exchange hugs, handshakes, etc.

SMDH

CanadianNonna's picture

Hello, I as well have covid challenges with my 35 YO SD. She married an American and lives in NYC. We are Canadian and live in a small mountain community in the West, married 15 years - we met when our kids were just finishing high school.  I have asthhma and I had pneumonia in JAn and so not being able to breathe is very real to me right now. At 62 Im in a risk group and Ive been very careful. Canada has been much stricter. MY SD, her husband and their toddler lied their way across the border at the end of May and stayed at her mothers. HE then went back to NYC and came back and thus had to do another 2 week quarantive. She wanted to come here before the quarantine was up. I said no way which caused a huge fight but i stuck to it. IT took everything i had not to report them which is a serious thing here. They ended up staying at an airbnb for 3 days and then coming over. While at the air bnb they walked all around our small town and acted like nothing was wrong, no masks or distancing.  The main reason they are here during the week is so my DH can babysit the 18 month old but my DH does not see that. I like kids so i have no issue with the little one. SD and her brother are entilted spolied people and they have no interest in me so in the past i tolerated them. Now however my husband is putting me at risk and no way should i have had to go to the lengths i did to protect myself. 

While i made it thru this issue Im questioning the whole relationship given my husband could not make the right choice when it was life and death. Im changing my will and my medical directiive because i dont trust him. He simply cant say no to them. Ive lost respect for him as well. So the why am i still here? I think once covid is over I will likely leave the relationship as i cant get past him putting me at risk like this. Im so heartbroken that i jsut dont seem to matter. They left yesterday for her moms 3 hours away and now she wants to come back of course monday. IF i could i would go away for a few days but i cant due to the lockdown. has anyone else experienced this and what did you do....

CanadianNonna's picture

Hello, I as well have covid challenges with my 35 YO SD. She married an American and lives in NYC. We are Canadian and live in a small mountain community in the West, married 15 years - we met when our kids were just finishing high school.  I have asthhma and I had pneumonia in JAn and so not being able to breathe is very real to me right now. At 62 Im in a risk group and Ive been very careful. Canada has been much stricter. MY SD, her husband and their toddler lied their way across the border at the end of May and stayed at her mothers. HE then went back to NYC and came back and thus had to do another 2 week quarantive. She wanted to come here before the quarantine was up. I said no way which caused a huge fight but i stuck to it. IT took everything i had not to report them which is a serious thing here. They ended up staying at an airbnb for 3 days and then coming over. While at the air bnb they walked all around our small town and acted like nothing was wrong, no masks or distancing.  The main reason they are here during the week is so my DH can babysit the 18 month old but my DH does not see that. I like kids so i have no issue with the little one. SD and her brother are entilted spolied people and they have no interest in me so in the past i tolerated them. Now however my husband is putting me at risk and no way should i have had to go to the lengths i did to protect myself. 

While i made it thru this issue Im questioning the whole relationship given my husband could not make the right choice when it was life and death. Im changing my will and my medical directiive because i dont trust him. He simply cant say no to them. Ive lost respect for him as well. So the why am i still here? I think once covid is over I will likely leave the relationship as i cant get past him putting me at risk like this. Im so heartbroken that i jsut dont seem to matter. They left yesterday for her moms 3 hours away and now she wants to come back of course monday. IF i could i would go away for a few days but i cant due to the lockdown. has anyone else experienced this and what did you do....

Miss T's picture

... watching him jerk to attention whenever the step spawn snaps his fingers.

It is a known thing that devil-may-care young'uns are picking up the infection and bringing it home to their elders. USE YOUR HEAD, DH. This is not about you and darling little snookums. This sh!t's real.

tog redux's picture

I'm sorry this happened - but do know, New York state has been VERY strict about masking and social distancing, and NYC still hasn't fully opened up (though much of the rest of state has). The entire state is at about 1% now, one of the lowest rates in the entire country (and lower than Canada, which I believe is at 2%).

Merry's picture

Similar here. SD lives in a state with significant rise in cases, as do DH and I. DH and I are both at high risk due to age and medical situations, especially DH. He's 70 with underlying health conditions.

SD wants to come visit with the grands, being careful to make the drive in one day (it's 10+ hours) to avoid hotels and stops. I think she and her DH are generally careful and responsible, but, still, it's just unnecessary.

I suggested to DH that perhaps this wasn't a good time for a visit. Normally, she's welcome whenever she wants to make the trip. But he MISSES her. Yeah, and I miss my DD but I'm not going to endanger our lives over it. I don't think I'm being overly dramatic, but he does.

I haven't heard any more about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if I I get 24-hour notice of their arrival in the next couple of weeks.