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Step Daughters living with us...

momof3plus3's picture

Ok I am new to this.. I am a mom of 3 boys ages 10,12 and 17 1 step son 16, 2 step daughters 20 & 22, and 1 step grandaughter almost 2. When my husband and i got married 4 years ago it was me him and the 4 boys. Things were great we had a wonderful home. I have been the provider for the past 3 years when he got laid off of work. A year ago when my step daughters needed a place to stay we let them come here and they were to get jobs and be out within 6 months well a year later and they r still here and the 22 year old is about to have another baby and she wont go after the baby daddy for child support saying she dont need to. uh hello im tired of supporting them. and we just dont have room, but of course hubby wont kick them out. They sleep on the floor in my den and i am tired of coming home and seeing the mess in there. When i say somthing hubby gets upset with me. tells me he cant kick them out because of the baby. `I am so tired of this. They do nothing tohelp out. they sleep all day and stay up at night, they eat everything soi have to hide food in my room. the boys r also tired of this but hubby dont understand. we just had another blow up about it an he tells me if im not happy i should leave that he just cant kick them out. well im not going anywhere cuz i have been paying for this house. how can i make him understand what this is doing to me. hubby just got a job a month ago and is starting to help pay the bills so is now telling me that they can stay as long as they want. They have no respect. im at my whits end here. how do i convince hubby to open his eyes an see that they r moochers.. neither has a job and they dont want one. there mother told them they cant stay with her. i guess she was the smart one. I love my hubby and am trying so hard to deal with all this he tells me i am selfish and need to grow up. um his kids need to not me.. i support myself. how do u handle this.. sorry im talking in circles here i just feel like i am going crazy with them her. i want my home back.

bestwife's picture

It totally disarms them when you agree with them when they call you names.
He says you are selfish - respond "Yes I have a strong sense of self-preservation."

If he tell you to grow up - Just say "no thank you".

If you are the breadwinner you do call the shots. Separate your finances NOW and do not provide one more penny for the moochers. NOT A PENNY. Not a diaper,etc.

Is it your home? You said you've been paying but it is really his? If it's yours then boot the daughters out. It is none of your concern if they are on the sidewalk. If he wants to leave with them then let him. If it is in his name don't pay another dime towards it.

I know you love him - but I am an older woman who has lived a lot of life. You can stop loving anyone - especially when they treat you like crap. Forget the fairy tale happy ending. Unhappy ever after is just not acceptable.

He obviously will never kick them out. But you do know that you can do it. You don't need his permission unless the home 100% belongs to him. If you don't own it then don't pay for it.

momof3plus3's picture

actually we are just renting this house, and in april we are supposed to go to bank to borrow to buy the house. thats y i gotta really clear my head and get them out or im not signing anything. I even thought about callin our landlord now an tellin him that there is 9 people an one on the way in this house becuase when we signed rental papers it was just 6 of us here. maybe he will kick us out unless my hubby forces his girls out. i no that sounds crazy but we have done alot here an love the house an neither of us want to move but then again i will move when lease is up if the girls are still here.

Superdad454's picture

I like it, then you don't have to be "The Bad Guy", in reality THEY are breaking tenant laws. If you have to look for a new place you can tell him point blank that you are not living with the grown women (don't refer to them as "kids").
At least tell him that you are going to split the rent equally between the ADULTS in the house, and hand him your 1/4th on the first and tell him to pay the rest since he is supporting his adult offspring.

Turn off all the luxuries, like take the cable router to work with you so they can't get on the internet or watch cable TV when you are not wanting to do so. If they complain tell them they should call the company and start a subscription of their own. If they are on your cellular plan, turn it off or take them off it. Make it so they get NOTHING that comes from you, including food, if they are hungry, they should go buy food, or get foods tamps and welfare so we ALL pay for them like the good white trash they are.

I would also tell the husband that if he thinks that you are going to a bank and doing anything legal and binding that you will not be involved if his daughters are, hell make him sign a contract that he rescinds his interest in the property if he permits any additional adults to reside there. Or tell him that he can get the financing alone with his daughters and you will just live there like his daughters are.

The whole "Breeding to get sympathy" thing just pisses me off to no end, these little breeding bitches just crap kids out over and over and milk the system and their family because no one wants to be mean and kick them out because of the babies, they can't get JOBS because of the babies, they can't support themselves because of the babies... of course I am an evil bastard for suggesting that they not breed unless they can support and FEED them, since children are a beautiful blessing or some similar horse shit.
The daughter decided to crap out another illegitimate pup, let her and her daddy figure out how to support it, not YOUR job.

It just really sucks that your ACTUAL CHILDREN are seeing this and have to deal with it, what kind of example is this setting for them?

unwillingparticipant's picture

One tactic that just came to mind, pretend to play nicey with all involved. If you can get the money together, get an apartment for them. That might lull them into a sense of security that "stepmomma and daddy-o will pay for us, yayyyyyyy!!". When they move out, stop paying for it.
It'll be worth it in the long run cuz they'll be gone.

kassandrarayne's picture

I have to agree with trystme. Things will never improve until he gets rid of them and sounds like he never will. Tell them to "Have a Happy Life" and move on.

momof5_1969's picture

i did that with my DH's kids -- they all pay for their own phone -- all pay for their own insurance -- all pay for their own gas. if they don't have money, they don't do it. Simple. if they borrow from me, they pay it back. I know this will sound awful, but i don't even let my husband have any cash because he is weak and he caves and gives them money and forgets when they borrow it and then we run low on money to buy food etc. Basically I told my Dh that was the way it was going to be, and just did it. When they turned 18, took them off insurance and put them on their own, got their bank account information from them and just did it. When they were on our insurance, they paid their share.

We did have his 22 year old daughter with us for a few months -- complete nightmare. She didn't want to work. So guess what?? She got pregnant, and got the guy to let her move into his parents house with him and his parents. I saw the whole thing unfolding before it happened. I even called it! She is so lazy. I knew she would get pregnant so she wouldn't have to get a job. Turned out that the baby was a cash cow for her though -- she got state assistance, his parents bought them a new house, he bought her a new car -- all in a years time. Made me sick. At least i don't have to deal with her anymore.

Thankfully, my DH listens to me and will push his kids to get jobs and not give into them too easily with the guilty dad syndrome. He suffers from guilty dad syndrome quite a bit, but he does better each day. Thank goodness!

I wish you all the best ... if you can afford it, I would get your own place until your DH wises up!