Step Daughter now 18, Gay and angry!
I've been custodial SM since SD was 4. Bio in and out of her life, never there emotionally, she was simply an every other weekend mother and wanted nothing to do with any other aspect of SD's life. Behind in CS $33,600 to DH. For all intents and purposes I've been put through the ringer. I've never claimed to be perfect but all children were equal in this house, no one ever got preferential treatment. DH's parents never liked the blended family and refused to acknowledge my daughter but were more than happy that my whole family treated SD as though I gave birth to her, and that I was the woman raising her. We have no relationship with DH's parents, they are way too toxic. SD came out about a 6 mo ago, we have NO issues with her sexuality. Her partner however is a kid who grew up in the foster care system and was abused and whos father killed himself and she has no idea where bio mom is.
my SD is an extremely angry girl. Her bio mom took off with other men a couple of years ago and cut SD out of her life 14 months ago- no contact at all. SD has rage, no amount of therapy or alternate parenting has helped her.
She decided (poorly planned) to accuse me of punching her in the face (to be fair she started screaming at me and I said she could leave if she did not like the rules in the house - very very poor choice on my part I fully admit) one night when DH was not home. I called 911 and 2 cops came and I told them what happened and what I had said to her. They looked her over and called her bluff. Her girlfriend (who was homeless) appeared out of thin air and started SCREAMING at me and threatening me. DH was away on job training and had to get an emergency flight home the next day. I left for a hotel and told him I understood a minor needed a home and it was his daughter, but that NO ONE accuses me of child abuse and gets to have me sticking around. SD admitted the next day she made the abuse allegation up.
Crisis wanted her to go inpatient for intensive therapy for 10 days. I told DH once she was settled there, I would come home otherwise i would be in a local hotel. DH took SD to PD (they wanted him to bring her in so they could tell her had she been 18 it would have been criminal to accuse me of abuse falsly, and that they investigated and (there were 3 cops) and said SHE was the aggressor that night and again, had she been 18, they would have removed her from the home. Shew as unfazed and said I've wanted to move out for 6 mo and would like to move out now. DH slept on it then said if you really want to go - i wont stop you. She said "I'm out of here". Blew through all the savings 3800k for a car on hotels and eating out for herself and her girlfriend/partner, quit her job- i'll stop here- basically her lifestyle has taken a major nose dive.
We gave it 4 months- we still treated her as part of the family, gave her unconditional love, took her out for HS graduation dinner, gave her a gift. Took her out for her 18th bday, gave her more gifts.
We then contacted her and said we'd like to all 3 of us get together in a neutral spot to just air what happened that night as we all have a part in it, and figure out how we can get back to normal so we can have you and gf over for holidays, bday's etc. She at first said GREAT! Then the next day texted DH and said- why? why do you want to bring that night up. DH said just to air - you have feelings, ma has feelings, i have feelings. Air and move on. She said "I have moved on with my life and if you think I'm going to feel bad about that night, forget it." I'm moving on. We said to her "we love you, we'll never turn our backs on you, but getting together just so you can get presents is not a family and does not work for us, let us know when your ready."
I personally HAVE HAD IT with this kid! I've done 100x more for her than bio mom has ever dreamed of. Bio even said she didnt ever want any kids. She said the other 3 she had she was high on drugs when she got preggo. (they are also with their bio dad). I have protected SD, I have advocated, I've been there for every milestone, planned every party, wrapped every gift, have a special journal filled with nothing but postitive good things about SD and her life since she was 4 up until last month. Im done. I have a chronic illness and its time to detach and let her fly.
if ANYONE has been able to read this all and not poke their eyes out, thank you. LOL