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step daughter in labor and i can't find the joy in this baby being born

red haired stepmother's picture

my stepdaughter is in labor as i type this. i'm at work and glad to be here. don't know if you recall...she's 22, unwed, quit college with only 8 Weeks left in her senior year! she is living with her boyfriend's family and that's a mess in itself (the brother got his girlfriend pregnant too and is struggling with heroin abuse) while things were going good for us financially we co-signed student loans for that the baby is being born...who knows how she is going to pay for anything! she is living off the system! while my hubby is unemployed for the last year from a 6-figure job as a product of this terrible economy! we are barely making ends meet on our own! not to mention these student loans that may now fall in our laps!
now the baby is gonna be here today and i just CANNOT find the joy in it! i know it's not the baby's fault and i would never resent the child but i'm just sick over the whole situation!!!! did i mention she refused to work since the day she got pregnant! she's lazy and self centered and doesn't care about how things affect her father and myself. she isn't even responsible enough to pay back a $450.00 loan i gave her last year but found enough money to get a new series of tattoo'd flowers down her leg!
there is a lot of tension between her and i. and it's mostly because she is a spoiled little brat and expects daddy to fix everything. i threw her a shower and never got a thank you! however, her boyfriends mother threw her a shower and she couldn't stop talking about it and it was plastered all over her facebook page. apparently, the shower i threw her must have sucked since not a thank you and no mention of it since. and, she hasn't even come to visit since then!
i'm totally disgusted! and i know hubby is trying to make the best of the situation but i feel totally isolated and alone! i don't feel supported by my husband. i feel hung out to dry.
and with the baby being born...i'm feeling it will only get worse!

starfish's picture

UGGH!! well, at least she's living at bf's parents house and not yours ~~ and i would make sure it never comes to that...

and i can totally understand how you are not looking forward to this baby, i wouldn't be either......

sorry you will more than likely get stuck with any debt you cosigned for.....

good luck!!

red haired stepmother's picture

im trying for my husband's sake to be as positive as possible but its really hard and i'm sure he is seeing right thru it.
when things turned sour with her...she has made me almost regret meeting my husband! i love him like i've never loved anyone in my life. but i dislike his daughter and the dynamic of their relationship. she treats him like a second class citizen and he doesn't deserve it. he deals with a tremendous amount of guilt for things he didn't do wrong! he is a good father!!!!!! she is just walking around with a major sense of entitlement and lacks any form of gratitude.
i wish she would just go away forever!

newwife2010's picture

I'm in the same boat but the baby was born about 9 months ago!! SD got everything she wanted from my husband. Daddy painted the baby room and paid for all the paint. She expected the baby furniture from him and I ended up paying for it because he wouldn't tell her we couldn't afford it. And a thank you??? HHAHHHAHAHAHAA!! It NEVER comes.
We were in AZ for 7 of the months after the baby was born and were EXPECTED to run from the airport straight to their home. I sent presents, clothing and gift cards and NO response. If I asked? It was "oh yea, we got it." I finally stopped doing anything nice because she never did anything nice back.
I know how you feel. We have only been married 4 months, she and I got into a nasty argument and now I'm considering leaving him. I love him like you love your husband too. It's sucks. The entitlement, no respect and the attitude!! He hasn't set any boundries and if they don't get set, I'm out.
I wish you luck and please know that there are many of us out here that are dealing with this garbage!!

newwife2010's picture

I feel your pain. I really do!! Just found out that I was blocked by SD and her boyfriend on Facebook and they are tearing me apart on their pages! WOW!! That's mature! The whole arguement was blow out of proportion by them and I'm paying for it. Nice.....

Now I am at witts end too!! I will fight for him, but not sure how long!

red haired stepmother's picture

and the saga continues....
while i was at work yesterday hubby went to go see SD in the hosptial yesterday and was refused entry! when he stopped at the nurse's station he said he was there to see her...they asked who he was...he said I'm her father...the nurses told him to wait outside the locked door!!!!
then his ex (BM) comes out and says no one wants him here!!!!!!!
HE IS DEVISTATED! up until that point everything was fine. no lack of communication between SD and her father MY HUBBY! they were in touch as normal and now he gets to the hospital and she sends her BM, his ex, out to send him away?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my poor husband is so deeply hurt i can't even begin to tell you!!!! it hurts me to see him hurt so bad! he was crying and everything.
then she has THE NERVE to call last night and give a "status" update to her father...Hello, Dad; just want to let you know i'm going in for a c-section and proceeds to hang up!
and this morning she calls and says "just want to let you know the baby is born" he said "is the baby healthy? are you healthy? ok then...take it easy" and he hung up
I'VE HAD IT! i don't want SD in my house! i don't want her calling the house! i never want to see her again!
DH says he is done, too. (i'm not sure of that) i feel like when she comes groveling he'll cave in!!! when everything is fine with mommy-dearest my husband doesn't exist in SD's world. when things are a little if-y with mommy SD is up daddy's butt.
do i put my foot down and keep it there? i can't go thru this anymore!!!! i can't continually watch her hurt him like this! it happens way to often! and i'm tired of dealing with the fall-out! i have to deal with his displaced anger, disppointment and hurt and it's not fair to me! i don't know what to do!
i'd really like to go pay her a visit or send her an email! not to hurt her but to lay it all out for her! i want to be heard! and she needs to be the one hearing!

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

So so sorry for your hubby... what a heartache!
Just be there for him as much as possible… love him up!

LostInLove8989's picture

Can't explain how good it feels to know im not crazy , 12 yrs laters there are others still going thru this , adult stepchildren having kids they can't afford and their parents who we happen to fall madly in love with still enabling these entitled lazy adults !! It's sickening to think that even when we give and give they just take and take !!! A decade later I hope things worked out for you