SS35 Future Visit.
Here is my issue with SS35 future visit. I will due my best to make it short.
A) I can not stand him or his wife. They are both adult candy ass me people.
SS35 contacted DH to see what his schedule was in May. DH works 7 days on and 7 days.
C) My niece is graduating from high school in May. I told DH this and have planned to go back home for her graduation.
D) I asked DH, if he asked SS35 about what date was best for him to come home for a visit. DH told me he did NOT.
Here is where I need advise. I want to keep disengaged with any communication with SS35. I know how DH is. He will never talk to SS35 about dates on visit. Then what will happen? My guess is...SS35 will plan trip here same time as niece's graduation. DH will look at me with is stupid ass childish face...BUT SS35 is coming home then.
I am so tried of the petty shit like this. If I text SS35 about dates, I feel I am belittling myself. If there is a conflict, I will get the childish guilt trip from DH. Also, I am tired of reminding DH to do things. It is like reminding a child to due their homework. :sick: :sick: :sick:
As much as you hate to remind
As much as you hate to remind DH, (I hate being DH's secretary too!), this time you are going to have to. As Annith suggested place a reminder on the fridge and also tell him SS can come to visit as long as it does not interfere with your niece's graduation. Just warn him that if it does you will be upset.
Many times the anticipation of SD's visits were more stressful than the actual visit. But if you warm him ahead of time he has no reason to pass any guilt trip on you. Then think seriously about disengaging from SS and his wife, and let DH take care of them while they are in your home. That means HE cooks, cleans, holds up the conversation, etc.
I would love to pass on the
I would love to pass on the visit. SS35 wife will most likely not come. If she does, she most likely will visit with SS35 mother's family only. She then will fly back when SS35 comes to visit his dad...if she even comes. It does no good to remind DH anything. I remind him till the cows come home.
What pisses me even more than the visit, DH wants me to have the house in order like it up for sale with a open house. He has balls. When I meet DH he had his mother living with him. The house was down right nasty. I would have never told DH this. I look at things in a positive way...he was a good son and work out of state more than half the time. I did not pass judgement.
DH always wants to do things
DH always wants to do things together. He made a comment about SDIL not coming for a visit last time. I told DH...Hello, SDIL is a me person from a family of money. She can keep her entitled ass in California. I got a pissed off look for DH. I did not care. I have bit my tongue enough with his candy ass family.
DH's favors OSS35. Why I do not know. I think the deal is...GOD forbid DH ask SS35 if he could work his visit around my niece's graduation.
I am going to send DH a text reminder and then I am done. When I told DH, he should of sent SS35 a text ASAP.
Simply inform your DH of the
Simply inform your DH of the schedule of your previously discussed trip that the two of you will be on. Let him know that SS and his wife can visit at any other time prior to or after your scheduled trip.
If DH does not inform his spawn that is DH's problem.
I have never had this issue in my blended family marriage but I did use to struggle with something similar with my mother. We would plan family vacations and invariably when my grandmother found out about the family vacation plans she would play the "I am dying, if you don't come see me now you won't see me again" card. This went on for more than 15 years. For years my mom would cancel our joint vacation plans and she and my dad would cater to my completely healthy but extremely manipulative grandmother and take off for Granny Land. I never let mom off the hook for caving to her manipulative mother's manipulative bullshit. My dad invariably agreed with me but would ask me not to give my mom crap about it. My comment was always "Sorry dad, but if it looks like bullshit, sounds like bullshit, feels like bullshit, and smells like bullshit, it must be bullshit and this is bullshit. I will call it as I see it." When my GM would start her manipulations I would tell my mom directly that the rest of the family will not postpone our vacation so that GM can pull her usual bullshit. Finally my mom caught a clue and we started having our family vacations while my GM would play her "But you have to come see me because I am dying card". I told my mom the solution was easy. Don't tell GM about the vacation until it was over. She cannot manipulate with information she does not have.
For five years my mom followed the "don't tell GM" advice and my dying grandmother kept on kicking in perfect health just like she had the previous 10 years when there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. We each visited her periodically but we would not allow her to interfere with our family vacations.
Interestingly the whole extended family and many family friends attended her 90th birthday/20th anniversary celebration. There were ove 100 people there. She married her second husband on her 70th birthday a year after my granddad died so her b-day and anniversary were the same day. She had a blast. We all did. She announced at the end of the party that she was glad to have seen everyone but she would likely not see most of us again. She died a month to the day after her party. Not because there was anything wrong with her. Her docs said she was perfectly healthy and could live another decade or more. She died because she decided she was done and she quit eating. By the time she decided she needed to quit being stubborn it was too late. The last week she started eating and taking care of herself again but a 90 year old body does not tolerate abuse very well and ultimately she died because she was stubborn. Soooo, a month after her 90th birthday party we all went back to the same church that the party was at, the church that my GGF had donated the land for and built the original building for to celebrate my GM's life and have her funeral.
No doubt she watched smuggly and happily as we all gathered in compliance with her final manipulation.
I recommend that you do not cater to SS's manipulations. Schedule your life and vacations as you wish and SS can comform to the availability that you and your DH have.
Enjoy your niece's graduation.
Good luck.