SS21 wants to move back in
After burning all his bridges with me, SS21 is hinting around to his dad that he wants to move back into my home. Has anyone out there been in a similar situation? I could really use your advice.
SS21 left home 3 years ago after doing some really nasty stuff to his BD and I and moved in with my in-laws. When explaining his side of the story to my in-laws, SS21 mischaracterized the situation and in the process, caused a tremendous strain on the relationship between my DH, myself, and my DH's BM and her spouse. At one point, the discord in the relationship between me and my MIL got so bad that we did not speak for over a year.
After ignoring me for 2 years, SS21 is sending me "I love you, I miss you" texts to me. Really!?!? Do you really think I am that stupid? Apparently, DH is "drinking the kool-aid" because he is disappointed that I don't want to take him in. No matter which way I go with this, I can see there will be no winning - if I take him in, I will the responsibility of supporting 2 adult men (my DH is a full time college student so he doesn't have the means to support him) and if I don't take him in, I will be painted a cold heartless b***h.
^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^ If you
^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^
If you let him move in you will constantly be the bitch who...
"complained that he ate the food you'd bought for dinner for lunch"
"is upset when he doesn't pick up his own messes"
"asked him to not have his loser friends over until all hours"
"told him to not smoke in the house"
ETC
ETC
ETC
If you don't you will be the bitch who didn't let him move in.
Save yourself the headache and money. If your DH wants to live with his asshole kid let him go get an apartment for the two of them to share.
I'm parking my 'yeah, what
I'm parking my 'yeah, what she said' right here. Better to be the bitch and own it.
This is pretty much not worth
This is pretty much not worth any consideration at all. You are wholely supporting your household including a full time college student husband. Since he is not a SAHD to young kids he exists at your convenience. That his toxic, abusive, adult spawn wants to move back in and he supports it tells me far more about your asshole husband than I care to know.
If he so much as hits at this topic again the next time DH heads to class change the locks and cut your losses.
Take care of yourself.
^^^This is just about where
^^^This is just about where my headspace is right now. I am really getting tired of fending off SS21's attempts at manipulation. Every time I say "no" to any of his demands, my MIL gets involved and starts strife because "I am not treating" SS21 "like he is my own child." Then, there is tons of drama, much arguing, guilt tripping, etc... Passive aggressive comments like "you make plenty of money" to do such and such, "you knew it was a package deal when you married my son," and so much more.
The last time SS21 got in a pickle and MIL called me to ask for help then started guilt tripping, I told her that I in no position to financially help at this time. She got quite belligerent with me until I confronted about her lack of treating my daughter like she was part of "her" family. All I got from MIL is a lot of stuttering and excuses.
My own BD lives several hours away from me but is only a half mile down the road from this two-faced woman's house. In the 6 years my DH and I have been together, my MIL has made ZERO attempts to have any contact or any type of friendship with my BD. Has my MIL ever stopped by my child's house to say hello? NO! Has she invited her to lunch or over for dinner? NO! Has she even picked up the telephone and called her to see how she is doing? NO!
My MIL only met her twice - both times in my company and before anyone (including the children) knew that we were thinking about getting married. I am not aware of my BD ever being rude to or unpleasant with anyone in my MIL's family. At least, the MIL has never complained of it and yes, she would have. I don't expect her to have a chummy relationship with my BD but I do expect to her to at least acknowledge her existence - maybe a postcard during the holidays or on her birthday.
The best thing I did for myself recently was to read the book "Stepmonster." It validated a lot of what I was thinking and feeling but didn't think it was appropriate to verbalize.
I would not let him move in
I would not let him move in regardless (for many reasons) BUT your DH should not even ask, considering that he is not working.
I found this site for this exact reason, only it was my SD, her husband, and their 2 kids who wanted to "stay" with us. My DH was unemployed at the time and although he asked the question because he told SD he would, he did not expect me to say yes. He did not expect me to take on that financial responsibility, not to mention the emotional turmoil it would have caused.
I felt a little guilty (so found this site) but I know I did the right thing by saying no. Actually, I said, "Absolutely not!"
Being a cold, heartless bitch is nothing compared to what I would have been with them living with me.
^AMEN^
^AMEN^
I can't say if I would let my
I can't say if I would let my skid move in as adult or not. I know for my bios to live with me while their an adult there are ground rules, such as if you're in school at least work enough hours to buy your food and gas, if not in school then get a job and help out with bills, chores around the house and what not. I wouldn't give any kid a free ride, that just doesn't help them, but if an undertanding with food, money, respect, and boundaries can be made it's worth giving it a shot. Of course I don't know your history with your SS. I do know some wounds leave scars that never fade away. So, I'm not much help..sorry.
He moved out, he's an adult,
He moved out, he's an adult, let him spread his wings and fly. Allowing adult children to live with you indefinitely or move back in does no one any good, especially the "kid." My 30 yr old step son still lives with mommy and wonders why he can't keep a relationship going.
Compromise is a great thing, set him up in a roommate situation and help with the first two months of rent. The money will be well spent and go towards your sanity instead of therapy!
So...he moved in with your in
So...he moved in with your in laws and now he wants to move back with you and they are trying to guilt you into it? Why don't they want him there anymore? Sounds to me like they know he's a mooching ass and they want him out but they're not about to admit that, they just want ot pawn him off on you.
Babydoll, I think you did an
Babydoll, I think you did an excellent job of giving MIL an answer when you addressed how she treated your daughter. You made a very good point: If she wants you to treat SS like your son, then she should be treating your daughter like a granddaughter. Don't back down. You are right. You are not a heartless b*tch, only a wise one.
I'd take the "cold, heartless
I'd take the "cold, heartless b!tch" option, any day. It is your home and you say no to anyone you damn well please. MY SS has been hinting around lately too, and I keep saying "not no, but fvck no!"
And as for your lovely MIL....he is not your child, you do not have to treat him as if he were. Jeezus! I get soooooo tired of hearing that sh!t.
What's wrong with being a
What's wrong with being a cold-hearted b****?? My dh knows in no uncertain terms that his DS21 will NEVER live with us again as long as he wants us to be married. STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!
dont allow it. it will
dont allow it. it will destroy your marriage. ss is playing you for a fool.