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Spitfull EX wont stop

bee_228's picture

Where do I begin.. I've known my boyfriend for over 16 years and we've dated on and off again but for the past 5 years it's been serious with no issues.. I've known his son, now 20 years old, for most of his life but was not directly involved in his upbringing.. He's got isssue with his mother but seems to have a close relationship with her.. He's lived with his father for the past 4 years, due to his issues , but I only recently "officialy" moved in... The Ex wife has come over, probably more times than I know through out the past few years and continualy oversteps her boundarys.. My boyfriend claims he has no control over what she does and most of all he never wants to deal with it because he's afraid it's going to upset his son...To me it's not an excuss but he will 100% avoid conflict at all costs in any situation.. Hard to deal with but when the EX does what she does I expect him to have enough respect for me to address the issue.. Yes, she is a person who is not easy to reason with and she's very vindictive so now that I've moved in she's really overstepping her boundary's. She knows it bugs me and up till two weeks ago I never said a word to her.. I've always channled my comments to my boyfriend. She comes over when I'm at work and even when I'm home to do her sons laundy, which in my opinion he's old enough to do it himself. She does yard work, rearranges little things in the house, cleans her son's room, comes over and brings her friends, which one time she was talking crap about me and my daughter was home (she didn't know it) so my daughter heard everything.. Two weeks ago she came over and didn't think I was home so she walked right in (probably her usual reoutine)but I walked over to the door and said, hello.. She said she was there to see her son, who was sound asleep, at 8am in the morning.. She was dressed in jogging clothes with a leash in her hand.. Yup, she's coming over to walk her son's dog.. Since her son didn't wake up and she wasn't expecting me she walked out and closed the door.. I looked in the back yard and seen the dog running to the back of the property so I figured out what she was up to.. I then waited a few minutes and walked out the front door to confront her... Well long story short she's a crazy person and just fought with me about how she feels she has the right to be there because her son lives there, yada yada yada... The conversation just got more and more heated beacuse she, insulted me, my children and would not leave.. I basicly had to walk away from her as so did her son and my boyfriend every time she tried to get them involved in our discusion.. No one took sides that day which was fine and I finaly felt better to have stood up for myself.. She was no longer going to come over and dis respect me.. Well that lasted all of a week.. She came over this past weekend and loaded all her sons clothes in her car and drove them to the laundry mat.. of course she came back by the house to drop it off but I had errand to run so I wasn't home.. Of course she took the oportunity to move things around in my house yet again.. I'm trying to not let this bother me but It's really hard when I"m the only one who seems say anything to her.. I feel like my boyfriend truely does care but he's not the type to deal with it.. The son and I hardly talk (something Im working on) he's very closed up and doesn't talk alot.. He knows his mother is crazy, but I think he chooses and knows what she does is wrong but hey, his mom does his laundry, cleans his room and picks up the dog poop.. Don't get me wrong I'll help the kid out but I'm not going to do everything for him.. He can pick up his own dog poo, and I've told him if he brings his dirty clothes to the bathroom I'll wash his clothes.. He refuses to do and even this past weekend I offered but apparently he preferes his mother to come do it.. Anyway, I don't know if I should just let this all go or keep letting her get to me.. }:)

Newimprvmodel's picture

I think your boyfriend needs to step up to the plate and enforce boundaries with his ex. If not, I would move out. No way should the ex be in that home, even if her son lives there. That is just wrong. And if your boyfriend does not see it, that would be a deal breaker for me. It is one thing to gave to deal with nasty step children, but to have to deal with nasty ex's, in their ex's home no less is just unacceptable!!

Delilah's picture

Your actually problem is with your BF!!! Why is he not stopping his ex from coming into your home?!!

Your skid is at 20 an adult and while he should be doing the laundry and whatever else his "mommy" does for him, ultimately the reason BM continues to overstep the boundaries is because your bf is too scared to say or do anything to prevent her and this situation from continuing. It is actually quite simple. Lock the doors, ensure she does not have a key, bf tells her she is not to come onto your property and he should be standing up for your home jointly as a team, he should be informing ss20 that he is NOT to allow his mother access to the home regardless if you are at home or not and if he has an issue with this then he can move out.

Right now, your bf is more preoccupied with tip toeing around his ex and not upsetting her then respecting your right to privacy. He also seems unhealthily emmeshed with his ex that he still allows her full access to the home he is now sharing with you.

Sadly for you, I think you made the wrong move in moving in with him prior to him addressing this behaviour. If you had informed bf "I will not move in until you fix this situation and create healthy boundaries with your ex and your son, and you can prove that your home environment is a safe, happy and secure home for me and my children to be in" you likely would have had more power because your bf would have wanted you to move in and may then have done something about it, while now he has you where he wants you. In his house, putting up with a REALLY toxic and weird environment.

Personally I think you need to reconsider what is important to you, you are attempting to create a life with your partner and children, while trying to bond with his adult son. However your own partner seems to be investing his priorities in ensuring his current life remains the same because that way he has everything he wants. You by his side, his son and ex happy. Given the toxic situation I would also worry that things will slowly escalate as BM attempts to push those boundaries. You have children in this house, your records are there for her to rifle through and really do you want to life in a place where neither you nor your children are made to feel safe or welcome on at least an equal footing as bf's adult son?!!!

In your shoes I would be telling bf he either makes a choice pronto or you will move out, if he does nothing then that tells you everything.

Oh and you mention that your bf did not take sides when you confronted his ex but that was "fine"....SCREW THAT. It's NOT fine. Your man should be standing by YOUR side telling this witch where to go, his silence implied consent for your psycho BM because your bf was too wimpy to do what is right. :jawdrop:

just.his.wife's picture

Oh hell no.

Shoot the bi+ch once and she won't come back again. That's the simplest solution.

Next is grab both of those boys (trust me they are NOT men) by the balls, and squeeze as hard as you can. Rotate your hand 180 degrees to the left while saying very firmly:

You will NOT allow that toxic whore into my home again, will you?

When both boys can manage to choke out between the screams and tears, a firm, convincing, affirmation that the twunt won't be allowed on the property, let alone IN the house you may release the hold. When they collapse to the floor give each a firm kick to the crotch to lodge those little boys into thier throats. Once their balls are in their throats you will be able to SEE that they have possession of the little fun sacks and that they are not nesting in BM's purse again.

Dual purpose is, if they have to struggle to breath around nuts in their throat it will be a good reminder of which woman NOT to piss off!