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So The End Has Come!

SavvyKim's picture

Well, the end is now here, he has told me he wants to split, I am seeing a solicitor on Saturday morning, his damn kids got their way. I am currently gathering all financial details and told him I want the villas and timeshare in Florida sold and I want 50% of the money.

I found out when we were on holiday that he had been seeing a woman he had an affair with (whilst he was still with his wife) the whole time he has been with me and tried to tell me that she was just a friend - yeah right. I went digging in his emails today, he walked out on Tuesday evening and told me yesterday he stayed at his mum's, however, I have found a hotel booking for 2 adults for Tuesday night and one for tonight, so no doubt he has got another woman in tow and probably has had for a long time.

A few years ago, another woman called Angela all of a sudden was coming to parties and was in contact with him, he told me she was just a family friend, however, at one of our party's she was all over him like a rash. I found an email from him to his bank giving her nearly £10,000 to pay off her car, and it was not a loan, but a gift>

I certainly have been a mug for 11 years to put up with his shit and be disrespected by his kids, but, I am going to try and take him to the cleaners, he has money stashed in lots of different accounts worldwide, a huge pension and lots of properties in the UK.

Any advice please, if there is anyone in the UK had this experience, I would love to hear from you too.

thinkthrice's picture

I'm not in the UK--only visited there once in '72 Smile

Sorry to hear of his lechery... I guess he's already selected his next victim(s).

Definitely get what's rightfully yours and maybe a smidge more for pain and suffering. Wink

Tomatoe's picture

Lol saying his kids got their way and then detailing how he cheated on you for 11 years. Maybe focus on the cheating part.

Acratopotes's picture

Mars has basically same law structures as UK....

Get all the proof about his affairs, every little detail, financial records you name it.
DO not move out of the house, ask him to leave... and file for divorce....

then you simply say, but you love him and you don't want to divorce, in the mean time clear his bank accounts etc.. play with him, if he files let him bear the cost of the divorce, get a ball busting lawyer who can help you .. and he can pay...

fairyo's picture

Savvy I was wondering how you were getting on. Fairyland has the same laws too, so get yourself to the solicitor fast as you can to protect your own assets. I seem to remember you were not married to this man and so it is really important to protect what you own.
You have been treated with disdain by this man and his kids for far too long, so this is your chance to finally break free. Let us know how you get on as I hope this is the end of one horrible episode in your life and the beginning of something much, much better. One last thing- be savvy!

Acratopotes's picture

Common law marriage would apply in her case, she lived with him for more then 2 years thus she's entitled to half of his assets,
he's not entitled to any of hers, cause he is the cheater....

Mars use to fall under British rule and we still have the same laws...only difference on common law, ours got changed to 1 year...

with a good lawyer she can walk out free with half of his assets lol

fairyo's picture

There is no common law in regard to marriage in the UK- if you are not married you're entitled to nothing regardless of how many years you have co-habited. I think the best Savvy can do is protect what she has.

101Stepmom101's picture

Go to the hotel and book another room ~ If he can spend YOUR money on hotel rooms ~ SO CAN YOU!
Just hangout in the lobby and watch... Or check into his room before he/they get there! HA!

This other woman ~ I'm sure knew he was married. I would have a few words to say to them both...

MadHatter's picture

I'm so sorry, SavvyKim. You shouldn't have to put up with such deceit. No one should. It's infuriating and so hurtful.

SacrificialLamb's picture

It's not that the damn kids got their way; it's that your SO was a jerk. Dragging you along for 11 years while doing whatever he wanted, whether it pertained to other women or putting his adult kids ahead of you. Good riddance to him.

It blows, but it is good for you that this came out. Now you can move forward with peace and rebuild your life with toxic wastetoids removed.

Get to a solicitor as fast as you can with as much evidence as you can. And make sure to take care of your own well-being too.

Don't be surprised if he comes crawling back. These types of men can have regrets when they realize you are not under their thumb anymore.

sammigirl's picture

Grab your camera and get pictures tonight. Take all the receipts, pictures, write a summary with names, dates, and places, etc. to legal counsel and move forward as law allows. Keep your cool and dignity; I would not confront DH or his participants. You might consider hiring a private eye to do some work for you, before moving at this time. Now that you know for sure, take your time building your case.

I am sorry for you, but you have no choice but to take care of yourself now; the hurt and healing will need time, after you have taken the necessary steps to protect yourself financially.

Usually when DH's see how much it's going to cost them, they come back; I wouldn't take him back if he has a history of cheating, as you stated. My DH has never cheated.

As my previous posts, my DH was booted to SD's house and presented with Court orders, as well as a financial statement. As soon as he looked at the financial statement, he has decided he can't afford to continue with the aggression that SD56 was handing out to me. My DH has one chance, and only one chance. If I have to endure it again, he's out with no questions ask; it will be very expensive for him, after 37 years of marriage and both of us working hard.

Good Luck and stay here for support. Sorry!

MrsZipper's picture

"Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a ‘common law marriage’. In England and Wales only people who are married, whether of the same sex or not, or those in civil partnerships can rely on the laws about dividing up finances when they divorce or dissolve their marriage.

The assumption by many unmarried couples in a long standing relationship that they have acquired rights similar to those of married couples is wrong. This common misconception needs to be addressed particularly as for many years official statistics show numbers of marriages in decline as more people choose to cohabit (living together without being married)."

A quick Google search will tell you Savvy is entitled to nothing under the law.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Odds are one or more of the skids knew he was cheating on you and knowing their father, didn't expect anything different.

witch.hazel's picture

Ooh, I hope you get what you want out of this. The lack of common law sucks when you finally split. I would find out from a lawyer what you can legally take from him, if you can't be awarded with anything.

Goodluck's picture

You should be checked for VD and send him the bill.

So sorry. 11 years is a long time. Yes he is a cad but it still hurts. Sad

You wrote you want the villas and time share in Fla sold? I never had a time share but I can tell you selling them is Godawful. People in the states complain about them, the costs to keep them..There are oodles of TV commercials here for companies to buy them out. you may want to let him keep it but pay you some cash. OR cut a loss on that.

Here is a few links I found on Google


Again, so sorry about this. will find someone much better than him.

SavvyKim's picture

Thank you ladies for your replies, I am now seriously thinking of taking my life, the only thing that is stopping me is my beautiful Yorkie Ronnie and my wonderful horse William, both of which I feel I don't want to be around as they both pick up on this stress.

Today he has agreed to buy me a house, that is a good start, but still not good enough that I have sacrificed 11 years to him, I want him to furnish the property and give me £50,000 cash, if he does not do this, I will put the solicitors in charge x

Aniki's picture

Suicide?? If you are seriously considering this, you need help NOW. Please contact someone ASAP. This man is not worth it. No one is.

enuf's picture

If you read my very lengthy posts you will read how many mistakes I made in not keeping my power with Dh and then ex. Like your ex he did not want to marry me. We dated for 5 years, lived together another 5 years and even then he did not want to. What did I do, I gave up all my power to be with him. I am surprised I did not lick his shoes during this time, as I would do anything he wanted to be with him. At the end, after 25 years he divorced me like a piece of trash. During the time we were married, he filed for divorce 3 times because I did not comply with his wishes or because I voiced my opinion.

I recently, read the following book and it really opened my eyes to what I should have done. I use its suggestions with all my current interactions, whether they are friends male or female, or men who are interested in me, or even relatives. Never will I behave like I did before with anyone. Do yourself a big favor and read it! "Ignore the Guy, The Art of No Contact, Get the Guy, Mastering Breakups" by Leslie Braswell. In fact, it is a book for all women, married or not.

SugarSpice's picture

i am so sorry to hear this.

keep all records of expenditures as you did not benefit from his paying off the car of his mistress.

please be strong.

you are better off in the long run to be free of this a$$ whip and his spawn.

12342004's picture

I’m in uk
All property is registered on the land registry website
Easily accessible for around £5
I truly hope you get everything you are entitled to and look at the silver lining / no more horrible step kids
The other woman can put up with the shit!
My friend just going through similar situation and her barrister has said she can freeze assets and whatever he squandered on the other woman will be allowed off his share of the divorce also you can ask for full financial disclosure so you can see what he spent
You will have tough days but try to save the revenge till after finances done
Keep strong your friends will help you through and we set up a file of fitting karma for my friend for when she sorted
It kept her strong and focused
She almost through it now and has got through worst
Ironically her cheating ex is going downhill fast!
Karma knows no bounds!!
I wish you all luck in world x

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Allow your horse and dog to be your comfort during this time. If you are too stressed to ride William just hang out with him and let him be there for you. Horses and dogs have amazing empathetic souls. Make an appointment with a counselor right away also to help you deal with everything. Do not harm yourself. This lowlife man has done enough harm. Now go about the business of ending the relationship and beginning to build your self up again. The eleven years is past but not lost as they will have made you a wiser and stronger person.

Nourish your soul now. This time will pass.

enuf's picture

Taking your life, he is not worth it! I was in your situation not that long ago. My ex divorced me at being together 25 years. Immediately after all I could think was "life was not worth it" and I also seriously considered just ending it. I left with very little because everything had to be his. I started taking too many pills to deal with the stress and sleeping all day. I did not want to get up and death seemed like such a peaceful endeavor considering what I had gone through. Then a miracle happened that has sustained me till now. I keep the miracle private but it was amazing!

This may be unusual for most of you, however apart from the miracle I also experienced the following which was also an incredible experience. Immediately thereafter with what little energy I had, I joined a horse healing workshop. I had never been around horses, and I learned there that horse's hearts are huge, and they have the capacity to radiate an incredible amount of healing and loving energy, as I recall it is approximately 50 times what humans radiate. These horses were retired race horses, the one I was working with had been injured during a race with a broken ankle and was still required to finish the race. He also needed to feel loving energy back in order to heal from the mistreatment he had received. One night, after working with the horse, I was already in bed for the night and while laying there, from the bottom of my feet, in gradual rythmic motion, to the top of my head, I could feel exactly what the horse was feeling. I could feel the energy from his huge heart inside my heart healing both of us. It was incredible. He knew I needed healing, especially my heart. I could also feel the emotional pain he was experiencing and it was so sad and I was so humbled to feel what the horse was feeling. When I went back to the workshop, this horse who had never done this before, while this woman was taking care of him, got on the ground and rolled around in front of me. All of a sudden all the other horses started to come to be near me. She was so amazed.

Your horse can sense what you are going through, and if anything were to happen to you, his pain would be great! The horses heart that I felt within me had such emotional pain and with no one to help them heal their hearts will sustain that emotional pain forever. Your animals need you! What your dh is doing, what ever the outcome, will pass, and you will survive, especially if you allow your horse to help heal you. See if you can find a workshop of this sort around you. I found it on meetup.

Aniki's picture

Enuf, you are correct (and I am so happy for you!!!). Animals are wonderful and sensitive. When I was blue, Mr. P would come and put his head on my knee or arm and gaze at me lovingly with his big, brown eyes. He always sensed when I was down and made an extra effort to get close and STAY close to me. He was a huge comfort.

Working with animals - especially animals in need - has a healing effect like no other.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I have a older kitty who is not doing well. The other night I had a nightmare and woke up tossing and turning to my kitty licking my face. My tiny kitty was taking care of me. My other animals seem to know if I am having a down day. I agree they are an amazing comfort.

enuf's picture

The following is an article on the how horses help to heal humans:

Just a thought savvykim, since you are familiar with the handling of horses maybe you can find a facility where you can volunteer your expertise of horses to help individuals such as veterans with ptsd or troubled teens. There are so many animals in need. The woman who was leading the workshop that I participated eventually moved to Saratoga Spring, NY where they have plenty of retired race horses to open a clinic where people can go to be healed with horses. Who knows maybe you can start by starting your own meetup group of letting people be around your horse. The woman who led the group I was in had a very simple screened-in tent with lawn chairs where we would sit and talk about spiritual topics and the horses would be outside the tent as we did that, then we would venture outside for a meet and greet. Very simple, but quite effective.

I found that the more I looked outside myself at the wonders of the world, many which are unseen, the better I was at handling the emotional trauma I was experiencing.

Rags's picture

Get your lawyers ready and nail his ass to the wall. Save all of the information and proof you have of his affairs, international assets, accounts, etc... and tolerate no crap from him.

Enjoy owning his ass.

Take care of you and enjoy your new life adventure with this toxic ass fading in your rear view mirror.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Another good place for you is ChumpLady dot com. Excellent resource for infidelity cases and tons of advice for the legalities and for the emotional aspect.

As for your animals, it is also stressful for them to be bereft of your company. As long as you don't take out your stress on them in unkind ways--and of course I know you don't-you all will be better off keeping your normal routine. Just like you still love them when they are not at their best, they love you under your worst clouds, too. That's the way life is, not always a party of bubbles and balloons.