Yes those things would drive me to the brink (and have), and yes your husband does blame you at some level, trust me on that one. Yes these things would and have caused me issues.

Your husband will never stick up for you, he is incapable of it, what he would like is for you to just shut up and take whatever the family dishes out, then he can have a life of peace. If only you would just take it. Doesn't matter if it hurts you, you just need to toughen up, or you are taking it the wrong way, or he/she didn't mean it, or you alwasy take things the wrong way, and on and on and on and on, a million and one excuseds he will come out with to prove to you his family are in the right, and you're just a bit touchy.

He will not change this, and if you are not happy then only you can make the change. You are not wrong to feel the way you do, your husband is in fact in the wrong here, and he has failed as a husband towards you. These guys don't get the marriage vows at all.

I can only say YOU ARE RIGHT, but unfortunatley your choices as I see it, are to just let him run two lives, one with his family, and one with you, or swallow your pride, say sorry to each and everyone of them, even though you know you haven' done anything wrong, and then go along to all the family functions and let them ostrosize you, I wouldn't take that option if I were you, but it is an option. Or you can tell your husband, you're done with the marriage. But if you opt for telling him you're done with the marriage, be sure that is what you want, because delivering ultimatums to make someone do what you want is a short term fix, it will all blow up in your face later. So, if you really are sick of it, you do have the option of leaving the marriage. Perhaps, if you are serious about leaving the marriage, your husband may take another look at the situation, but then again he may not. However, you cannot worry about that, all you can do is worry about yourself at this time, because if you don't start to look after you, you will get ill. It really is not worth it.

My husband is very much like yours, and has the same lines he uses when his family overstep the mark, so I do get where you are coming from. My husband is italian, by chance is your husband ethnic. I find my husband is living in the past and how things used to be even though he knows things are different in Italy now, he and his family still live in the "old days" interestingly though, it is fine for them to critize everyone, and to demand all sorts of things for themselves, but God help anyone who does not worhsip at their feet, then it's different.

I hope you can come to a decision that is right for you very soon, sorry I cannot help you here, only you can do it. But I can say you are right, and you are not alone. But do not let your husband destroy your sense of self or erode your self esteem and destroy your confidence any more than he already has. I wish you all the best of luck.

The post should be called "DH strikes again". The fact is that although your SIL might act this way, she is acting this way because your DH allows it. Simple. You and him need to start reading and discussing BOUNDARIES. She obviously has never heard the term and your DH hasn't either...especially when it comes to HIS family.

Sorry, but after 20yrs you would think he would have done this by now. Yes, SILs, MILs can be a pain in the a$$ but ONLY when our DHs allow them to. He married YOU, he should be protecting YOU. He should be protecting YOUR children, not his family. His priorities are not right.

it's called , "gaslighting." look it up. it should make some sense of what you are going through.

I always find it curious that the toxic group finds something wrong with the one going against the grain. "You're too sensitive." "That's not how it happened", etc... I too have detached from my extended bio family. Unless I was willing to play a copendendent role and cater to their every whim, they are not interested. As far as mutual interest and concern? Their definition of that seemed to be when they were concerned I wasnt able to babysit their kids, or their falsely expressed concern when they came home 2-3 hours later than the time I agreed to stay to babysit. All this with no attempt to bother coming to my house just for a visit. Bio families can be just as dysfunctional as stepfamilies.

OMG, I went through the same kind of crap. SIL1 is a control freak and narcissist who thinks she runs the family. She and DH had been buddies while he was going through his divorce--she is long divorced and was dating a succession of users/losers at the time. He met me and we fell madly in love. I had known her professionally before that.

We got married and she almost melted in a puddle of jealous rage. She trash talked us to the rest of the family, with the result that another SIL turned her back on me in public! She chewed me out viciously when "gasp" I dared to send SS a message about his relationship to us and invoked the "we're blood and you're JUST DH's wife" BS. An aunt has no place interfering between parents and children. Although on reflection, I shouldn't have engaged anyone in the family ever, DH did cut her and the others off. So he gets a pass for how he handled it. I finally called her a bully--I had just been through so much already dealing with that kind of bad juju.

Now, five years later, they are civil and "love" me.

My own sister tried that crap on me, and she was the one I thought was close. Then I learned that she called my DD a "spoiled brat" she is not but her two are. And she was also jealous of us and turned psycho when we stayed with her for a few weeks while moving. I haven't really talked to her in 3 years.

There is a lot of guilt and second-guessing sometimes when you cut off "family" -- I always hear "they're your FAMILY" but I would be upset for 3 days after one of my sister's sly passive aggressive maneuvers. And since we have been no contact, she has sucked up to my mom big time. She and my mother go on vacations! Yet this is the same sister who complained that my mother was too controlling when they did things together. And she was mad when a waitress through they were sisters. Ha ha.

I am not the type to go around thinking people are jealous of me but when you've got unhappy people in your life and you've just found the love of your life--well, it brings out the worst in them.

I have a meddling SIL as well. She got involved in a situation two years ago with BM and SD16. Now she is no longer welcome in our home. DH has conversations with her, but does not discuss it with me. Just how I want it.

Your husband has not backed you up on this and it is his fault that it has prgressed to this level. Mine has not backed me up either, so I no longer will do a thing with his family and they are not welcome back here. They owe me an apology and they are not willing to do that. I am told "that is just how they are". People apologize when they do something wrong....Not my SIL and BIL. So they can not be in my life....

Stand your ground and do not waiver and eventually they will see that they can not mess with you. I doubt they will recognize their faults, but at least they will stop the game playing, when you are not around to be abused....

Had this type of situation with my former hubby.....that is one reason he is my former.

The one thing I can say is I outlived them all!!!! Guess when these jerks spend all their time being unhappy and jabbing at someone who only wants to get along with everyone, it takes a toll on them.

I'd be very surprised if anybody does not know this woman lives in a make-believe world of her own choosing.

Don't let it get to you and react to her idiocy by ignoring it. By ignoring it you're saying tons more than any words could convey.