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Should Have - Would Have - Could Have - But Didn't!

Not-the-mom's picture

Submitted by Not-the-mom on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 8:31am

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Adult Stepchildren

If you had to do it all over again, how would you have approached your situation differently? Would you have married your current spouse and taken on his kids? Would you have asked more questions or spent more time learning about how to deal with skids, and being a stepparent, etc....?

Please share your "If I had to do it over again, I would have....." perspective.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 8:53am

Not much I could have done differently. But, I would definitely have not moved in and married DH until all three kids had gone off to college...I could totally have done this relationship without living in the same house.

Boudicca's picture

Submitted by Boudicca on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:01am

Ooooooh! How true that hindsight is 20/20. I hate to say it but if I knew then what I know now I would not have even set up home with my DH let alone married him. Sad

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:54pm

Ditto! I would have done a heck of a lot more research before I agreed to marry DH. Since SD didn't start her crap until the day we got married I would not have known things would take such an ominous turn. But if DH and I had still married, and SD started the abuse I would have nipped it in the bud right away instead of being nice for years so she would like me one day. That said, since DH places SD on such a pedestal, if I HAD insisted that SD behave herself and respect me as her Father's wife, DH would have probably left. It's rather sad that the abuse went on so long because I've lost so much respect for DH. I refer to the abuse SD put me through but in truth DH had a big part in it because he never supported me and even echoed the accusations that I made SD 'uncomfortable'. Think about how better our marraiges would be now if DH would have done the right thing in the first place! We would have a whole different life situation now.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:33am

Good question.
I would definitively do it again. I would do a few things differently, buy some would require that I be a different person, less sensitive for one, so I will leave those out since I would still most likely be me.
The one thing that I would most definitively do differently, is not try and parent SD the way my DH does. For one it just isn't me. I tried to be harsher like him, even tried one awkward spanking that totally failed. So instead of being a bad copy of a strict, matter of fact parent, I would just stick with my imperfect self. That would be the kind of parent that explains too much and tries to talk to the kids. It would still mean that SD would have disrespected me at times, but at least I would have been true to myself. I just could not back up my strict talk with anything, so why bother? DH does it well, but I am different.