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Shark infested waters and my insecurities

Newimprvmodel's picture

Ok.......I never thought I would have insecurities where dh is concerned, but I do......kinda....nothing major, and certainly not based on anything he as done, or likely will do. I am a bit surprised, but they are there.. I guess because I had a very serious relationship with someone before dh that I trusted totally, and yup, he cheated on me and threw me aside.. Found his profile on match..com......devastated. But I digress......
You all know that my husbands daughters got a truckload of money from a custodial acct dh's parents had set up years ago. They got the money recently. Oldest daughter called two weeks ago while we were on vacation, and no, dh has not heard from her since..
Last night dh tells me to guess who sent him an email? His ex.. And the vile sarcasm and cruellness of the past 10 years was gone.. She in fact volunteered that she had corrected a child support mistake that had been in her favor....hmmmmmmm. Dh and I discussed it and I gave my opinion that I think the big gift of money as got their attention and he should expect further contact.......hmmmm
So I have been mulling this over today at work. They are master manipulators. They have beaten dh to a pulp, emotionally......in some ways, this new friendliness makes me nervous.. What is the game plan now? I do not trust them at all, and see that now I have become the bad guy and dh is no longer the bad guy.. They have tried to split us..
Dh is such an honorable man....but so was the bastard that broke my heart.
Anyone else can relate with ex's and their manipulations of your spouse?

oldone's picture

I absolutely unconditionally believe that exes should NEVER have a close personal relationship.

Every one of these that I have witnessed the exes end up doing something very inappropriate - like having sex.

My DH had a ONS with BM years after their divorced which produced crotch dropping #2 (SS27 - years before I came on board).

My best friend's DH left her for another woman that he's now been married to for 20 years. They are best friends and still have sex on occasion.

My DH's 2nd wife left him (after 15years) to go back to her first DH.

I probably could easily name another two dozen instances of something like this. I even know of a man who left his marriage to be with a man and acknowledge his true sexuality who had sex with his ex wife later on.

A good friend of mine had been married to her DH for 20 years when his ex moved into town and wanted to be "friends". My friend took her husband's ex out to lunch and told her it was not happening. She told me that she trusted her husband but still needed to "protect" her marriage.

It happens all the time.

Cordial, civil, polite are all good attributes for exes. Close, intimate relationships are not. So you are not wrong to be on guard.

Newimprvmodel's picture

She sent the email, saying that she had done as he had requested regarding the over payment, and of course he responded, thanking her for being so cooperative! Lol........
It is soo obvious that the money has got their attention, I guess what should I expect? A giant love fest amongst them? With me being the villain?

clydella's picture

Skids & BM's are not to be trusted, especially when it comes to money. They tend to think they still rule our DH's, especially when the skids dangle a relationship in front of their face, and sometimes they do. But what kind of real relationship can you have based on having to buy someone's love? How can your DH not see what they are doing or is he so desperate for a relationship with SD, that he can't see what's right in front of his face.

You must refuse to be their victim, if your gut is telling you something, LISTEN!!

Newimprvmodel's picture

I agree with the above.. I would not be surprised if on Father's Day they all showed up with an eighteen piece band to celebrate dh! Dh is always keeping the door open with his daughters, no matter how they have trashed him...........but this concerns me with his ex. She is capable of terrible things. I fear the wolf pack, I really do..but what can I do? I can't tell him to have no contact with his ex, that would make me look like a jealous spouse. I think I just need to sit back and see it unfold, but be on my guard. I think they are high on the money they got, and starting to think about inheritance and all that..
Could his ex make a play for him, to get rid of me? Without a doubt! Would dh fall for her? Maybe.......I have been burned before.......by someone I never thought in a million years would have cheated on me. We all have our dark side..

Newimprvmodel's picture

Well dh called me at work today, saying he was going to his parents for dinner tonight. I had other plans with my kids tonight, but his parents live quite a distance........I was a bit taken back because usually he and I go on a weekend or something like that.. But it has been months since we did that. I was very agreeable, but I have to wonder at the timing of this all. I know that his parents are now in contact with his daughters...I am relieved, but I guess I am on the wrong side these days..

Newimprvmodel's picture

The saying blood is thicker than water is so very true. However I do not need dh's family to take my side, I can stand on my own, but it is interesting how they can engage with those who have hurt their son so deeply.. I do resent that..

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

I guess that's why they use the blood is thicker than water saying, since if they were not related they would certainly cut toxic people out of their lives. It is odd how this being related by blood seems to be a get out of jail free card for all the wrong doings that go on.

I hope nothing is going on and that your DH gets back to normal and everyone finds their rightful places, out of your day to day thoughts.

Take care.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

OP - Your SK's made me think of that John Grisham book, The Rainmaker, where the old lady is cutting her son out of here will (even though she has nothing). Funny part is that the lawyer, who rents from the old lady, and has watched this adult son and his wife treat her badly, has a conversation with the son. In the conversation he hints that the old lady has a ton of $$$. It was hilarious how their attitude towards the old lady changed. They couldn't do enough for her.

Point being, the ghouls come out when there is money around. Heck they come out even when they smell it and the stepmother and father still have lots of life left in them.

Newimprvmodel's picture

It has crossed my mind that his dsughters are there and that is why dinner was not planned to include me..
But screw it.....they have their collective heads in the sand if they think any good will come out of their reunion.. Yes his daughters might be beauties to look at, but inside they are very very scary women.. I will enjoy my movies tonight at home!!

Newimprvmodel's picture

What deals do you think? I think ones that will put my marriage in jeopardy.. I think there is a reason these creatures turned out this way, and now giving them this money after their awful awful behavior consistently over many years ensures that they will continue on this scorched earth policy...........take whatever they can get, and if not take them to court..

Newimprvmodel's picture

I guess in some ways I have had it easy.. Yes lots of court involvement, but little else.. Essentially I have had dh alone with my kids.. Now the apple cart is upset so to speak.. They want in, and I don't want them in! I made up my mind.. Yes I can not expect dh not to engage with hem, but how do you not see dh as one of them, on the other side? The dynamics change now. Remember these are essentially god awful strangers to me.......they have never been a part of this marriage..

Newimprvmodel's picture

Maybe I should think f them as like dh's awful distant relative that I have never met.....and be happy dh has to put up with them, but I do not... The other piece is that remember they act on their feelings.. Do you think that they will not try to wreck my marriage? I think the phone calls on vacation were meant to annoy me.....