"Set up" to be the ogre - vent
This has been the theme throughout the nightmarish ex and skid saga. Initially, my DH and I were treated so poorly, so constantly harassed that, after 2 years of what felt like torture and my thoughts of leaving the marriage and "giving him back" to the dysfunctional POSs, I responded. I responded in a very matter-of-fact business-like manner. No name-calling. No cursing. I just laid out how it was going to be. Since I didn't roll over and submissively pee on everyone with my tail between my legs, I was then THE OGRE. That was the "reason" to despise me, the "reason" they latched on to...because they had no defense for their behavior except to express jealousy and anger and to hopefully disrupt our marriage in the meantime (led by the mom, of course).
Fast forward. Treated horribly in my own house until I put my foot down with my DH. Always on my tiptoes, knowing that any boundaries *I* put in place or response to s-show behavior are happily grasped onto and viewed as "more attacks." Years of lovely peaceful detachment followed.
As I've mentioned, my DH has had some serious health issues lately. The past month has been one of the hardest in my life. A terribly difficult situation was made worse by skids coming here "to help." I could list all the asshattery, but I won't. They have added to my "workload." I am utterly exhausted.
My sleep patterns are a mess. Yesterday, I woke up at 3:00 am. Started "lunch" in the crockpot at 6:00 and took care of things around the house. When SS rose from his usual 12-hour slumber (no exaggeration), he mentioned that he heard me much earlier. I sensed that the precious son was bothered by some noise. Around noon, I told DH and SS that needed to sleep for about 2 hours. I climb in bed, fall asleep, and almost immediately hear banging behind the wall. The 15 minutes of banging is then followed by--SHOCKER--the vacuum!
SS, in his mid-30s, won't lift a finger (not even put a dish in the dishwasher) unless asked to. DH had asked him if he would vacuum (biggest request ever!). SS waited until I went to bed to do so. At minimum, the usual total lack of consideration. At most, typical passive aggressive behavior geared toward getting a rise out of me so that he can go back home to mommy (with whom he lives right now) and confirm I am still "the ogre"--or laugh that they got a rise out of me. (Maybe past reporting behaviors, including live videos to mommy of all the rooms in our home, have created some paranoia in me, I don't know.)
It is a terrible place to be. I got up, sat in the bedroom and cried for about 20 minutes. I then quietly snuck out of the house, put on my big dark sunglasses and went for a walk, crying and cursing and wishing bad things on people, and then laughed at my behavior.
These situations are impossible. The only peace has been, is, and will be through total detachment. Thankfully, the last of them (him) is leaving tomorrow. My DH is not able to drive just yet. I requested that skids schedule flights according to my work schedule since the airport is so far away. But SS's flight would require me to get up at 3 am. Another passive aggressive move, and if Evil Stepmommy dares to say anything, that statement goes into the Ogre Files. I think DH is going to pay for a ride for the ingrate.
Peace is just around the corner and I have once again learned another lesson. THEY ARE NEVER STAYING HERE NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
I love my husband. Our marriage has been better than ever the past few years. But had I seen into the future, I would have RUN. I would have run fast.