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Second wife status

Newimprvmodel's picture

Ah the joys of being the second one! Or maybe it has more to do with not having produced any children with dh. So dh needed to make a phone call last night .....he had gotten a text from his sister reminding him that it was his brother's wife's birthday so dh called her today. Now I might add that none of his siblings has ever wished me anything. Don't get me wrong, they are nice people but I guess I am not in the loop. They all email each other, Skype withe the kids, etc.

Costello girl's picture

My mil goes out with dh's ex when she comes over and calls her up...I don't have that relationship. It's because I left DH late in and we have no kids together. My eldest has Aspergers so I get these fake pitying looks when my kids are mentioned. I wanted to make an effort with his family at first but now I think get on with it, I am just starting to disengage from the whole lot of shit!

Newimprvmodel's picture

Well dh is very close with his parents and sibs. I guess that what has gone on with his daughters has meant that my relationship with his side has taken a hit. They are very cordial when I see them, but I am sure when the chips are down they will side with blood over little ole me! Lol..I won't lose sleep over it. And I am holding the line. I only have me to protect myself, and I intend to do just that.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

I have a saying on my FB account that says: Being someones first love is great; but being simeones last love is beyond perfect". Hehe.

Just thought that was super cute for us gals & wanted to share ! Smile

Newimprvmodel's picture

When I was going through my cancer treatments, I did not hear from them. Oh I know they were calling dh and getting status updates,,but nothing. I remember going to a barbecue the week after I was diagnosed, and a few days before my surgery......nobody mentioned it. My take on it is that people , unless they are close to you, feel uncomfortable and awkward.....what are you supposed to say?
I was a bit perturbed when thanksgiving came this year and I was planning on bringing some appetizers and desserts to MIL home. His sister called dh to tell me not to bring any appetizers, they do not like them for thanksgiving. Ok, but why not call me direct?
I do think it as to do with my stance on his daughters and the fact that I did not like FIL bringing up dh ex every time I saw them.

forgotten wife's picture

My DH's ex still gets invited to some of the "family" functions. She even spent the night at MIL' s one Christmas eve with DS.

For years, I acted as if it didn't bother me and I was a bigger person, even when I overheard comparisons. I always felt I had to try harder to look better than the ex, be friendlier, pretend I wasn't bothered.

Then, DH and I separated for 12 months, because of SD, and it was as if I dropped off the face of the earth for his "family". That's when I realized that they all lied about ME being "family". The ex is more than I am.

From all of this I've decided I will never go to his family functions if ex is invited. In fact, I will probably not go to any functions anymore. I have my own family and that's where I will concentrate my efforts and affections.