My SO has two daughters, 21 and 24. SD21 is a complete and utter screw-up - living with a drug dealer, takes no responsibility, been arrested, and I am fairly convinced she is using, based on the decline of her personal appearance, avoidance games with family, and general attitude. That said, she's always been nice to me. I believe her to be a sweet kid, just terribly misguided. My biggest pet peeve with her is that her constant irresponsibility is breaking SO's heart. It's very hard to watch, because he blames himself. I have told him she has been given the same opportunities as his older daughter, and that ultimately, she is responsible for her own decisions and actions.

SD24...now SHE is a totally different story. She has never liked me, and has always treated me as if I was an interloper in her family. SD24 refuses to acknowledge her mother's 17 year affair with a family friend while she was married to my SO. She also treats her dad disrespectfully, as if he was an idiot, which I can tell you he is not. She graduated college, is married and now the mother of 8 month old SGD. Not long after SGD was born, I stopped by her home to see SGD. At that point they confronted me over SOs feeling towards BM's fiance (the man she carried on a 17 year affair with.) SD and husband told me that SO needed to "get over it" or he would be missing everything in his GD's life...holidays, birthday parties etc. because they would be spending it at BM's mother's house with BM's side of the family. (It has always been the expectation that WE, including me and my 11 y/o BD go to every birthday celebration or holiday at SO's ex wife's mother's house, which I WILL NOT, and now either does he, since BM is there with fiance.) I very curtly told them that SO was entitled to his feelings and if he NEVER sat in a room with BM and fiance, then that was his perogative, and that if I were in his situation I would not either. They were extremely upset at my response, and I left. SD's husband has said little to me since, and now we rarely see SGD, although really I am indifferent to that.

knowing that SGD's first birthday would be coming up, we planned a vacation during that time so we would not have to deal with the situation. SD was LIVID, wanting us to change our vacation, or shorten it, so we could be at SGD's first birthday. SO told her we would not, and we could go out to dinner or do something else at another time. To her, this was unacceptable. She expects us to be at SGD's birthday party at his ex's mother's house. Not happening.

If anyone has any thoughts on this I would love to hear them. SD24 thinks that the world revolves around her, and now her child. She refuses to understand that WE (SO and I) have NO desire to sit in a room with BM's COMPLETELY screwed up family (these people give new meaning to trailer park) and that they are not OUR family. He does not want to spend time with BM's longtime lover, a man who was at SO and Bm's wedding, was BM's brother's best friend long ago. This man KNOWINGLY started an affair with the wife of a friend, and I agree with SO that he should never have to be party to such a disgusting situation.

How do we get SD to understand this as well? It is not important to me. As I've said, she has already treated me poorly, despite my efforts to be kind and involved as a stepmom. I have disengaged from her and SGD, but I know that it is still painful for SO. Also, we are to be married in April. SD24 insists on being there. Why??? She doesn't want her dad to marry me. To me, she is a hypocrite of the first order.

Any guidance would be very much appreciated. Thanks. :o)