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SD has finally proved my point.

harmony98's picture

Hello all.

Ive been on this forum for 7 months now since my SD started to make huge issues.

The last 7 months have been so hard.  I have not known what i had done wrong in a previously ok relationship.

My husband and I married over 14 years came a nats whisker from divorce before we did couples councelling.

He was just not seeing things totally blinkered. I could not deal with it.

However this week.  she has made it very clear she hates me, blames me for every wrong thing in her life.  some quite serious allegations.  

Then proceeded to ask my DH to take her side.

Praise B what she actually did was show my DH what i have been saying for months that she has been deliberately doing things to split us up.

Its wrong but I am so happy my DH has finally see what has been in front of his face all the time.

Tbh, councelling has helped us massively and we are stronger than ever.  

I forgive her, for her comments. now hopefully we can move on.  With the door adjar if she wishes to change her behaviour.


sandye21's picture

So glad to hear this.  You have to realize though that SD has a mission, and this might happen again.  I'm assuming she is over 14 years of age - old enough to learn that there are things she does not have control over.  Maintain your boundaries with both SD and HD.


JRI's picture

Forgive but don't forget.  It will go on.

caninelover's picture

Forgiveness is really more for you.  Leave the door open only after there is evidence of genuine change.

These SK's always show their true colors, eventually.

harmony98's picture

Never forget.  she is 27.

step to grown children's picture

I have a SD same age. She has not seen her father in person since 2017. She has made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me. Even got mad when DH shared a photo of her newbnorn with me. DH says nothing. He does not have a relationship with her, only texts on birthdays and holidays and they both keep on pretending everythign is ok,

I am not happy with the situation, sometimes I wish he would say something to her... but she is old enough to make her own choices. I have encourage my DH to reach out to her and take her to lunch and he did, she deflected by "let me see if I have anything going on that weekend" Never got back to DH.

Things are weird and uncomfortable and it pains my DH not to be able to meet his grandbaby but these are adult choices. Something your DH has to accept sooner or later. Unless you have mistreated this woman - she is a woman- and blatently insulted her, I dont see why the attitude, except for the fact that you are the wife.


ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

I think you might be right on this. Start to view it from her perspective - you are an obstacle, an "it" in the way. She is telling you that pretty directly and actively attempted to split you and DH. I don't think this tiger is changing her stripes. 

harmony98's picture

Sure she will not.  

MissTexas's picture

If so, were you in the picture before the divorce or after?

From your post, it appears you were in her life when she was 12 or 13 years old, is that correct?

Make no mistake, nothing validates her behavior, I'm just trying to understand if her mother may be responsible for some of her angst.

Fortunately for you (like myself) SD showed her true colors in front of Daaadddeee, as did mine. It's kind of difficult to say, 
"She didn't mean it" or some other dismissive statement. Simple minded girls like this rarely take ownership of their behaviors. This one over here never has and never will, but that set aside, you need to stick with your intuition and keep her out of your life as much as possible, not matter what you DH tells you. When they choose the behavior, they also choose the consequence. They go hand in hand. My DH asked ONCE, "What would it take to make things right?" I told him NOTHING. Why would I welcome that hell back into my life again when I still have PTSD from what she's inflicted on me/us. Still, he grasps at any straw that there might be some glimmer of hope that we will reconcile. Not happening here. I absolutely will NOT HAVE IT. EVER!

Best regards. Keep us posted!

harmony98's picture

The mother white witch wonder is for sure still in the picture.  Has recently condoned Sd behaviour and agreed she tried to separate us.

Just hope i very rarely have to see them in the future. 


Kes's picture

I also have an SD27, and a very similar story to you.  DH has always told me, well, for the last decade anyhow, that the SDs have got over their previous hostile feelings towards me, and now view me with respect, if not liking.  I KNEW they hadn't, and after a very unsuccessful visit at Easter, SD27 sent me an atrocious email, accusing me of everything under the sun, including being a freeloader on my DH (I am 64 and retired!)  Awful as it was, it was down in black and white, what she truly thought of me, and he no more denial possible on his part. 

harmony98's picture

Councelling, has been a revelation.  It has helped us so much. As a couple.  Still here. together.

Its hard, as everyone has said.  The situation NEVER goes away.  But has become so much easier to deal with together.

Step daughters have a lot to answer for.