SD called twice
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SD has called twice since yesterday, probably looking for an answer from DH re. the cozy Caribbean vacation.
DH wasn't around when she called and I let the calls go go voice mail.
I told him about her last call only about an hour ago and he isn't calling her back as of yet.
I think he is afraid and knows I am home and will hear what he says.
can't wait to see what he decided, I have no clues how he will handle it or if he will just go to keepthe peace with princess nasty pants.
Ugh. If he feels the need to
Ugh. If he feels the need to keep the peace with nasty pants more than he feels the need to keep the peace with the woman who has access to his penis, I'd feel gross crawling into bed with him ever again.
Seriously, if he is
Seriously, if he is considering this in anyway, I would have one foot out the door. I bet she wants him to pay too...After watching my SD manipulate my husband into a trip this last Christmas and knowing how it ended, there is no way in hell I would allow this in the future...
I am sure SD in my future, will try the same type of work on him.
Keep the peace? What peace?
Keep the peace? What peace? It will always be something.
I don't understand grown men feeling the need to do things like this to "keep the peace" with their grown ass kids, why they let them get away with treating them like this.
"Hey, disrespectful bitch, I am your dad, this is my wife, this is OUR life, you can either respect it and be a part of it or don't but knock this crap off."
I agree totally. This will
I agree totally. This will clear the air, let SM's feeling be known. SM will not be sitting there stewing and waiting for an answer from DH.
20years, Your history with DH is that you have had to fight for him to do anything to support you. SD needs to know YOU will not allow her to destroy your marriage. SD declared war on your marriage a long time ago. If she goes whining to DH so what. This is something you just shouldn't allow. Period. Can't wait to hear how she tries to get out of it.
Well she sure knows now that
Well she sure knows now that I won't put up with her BS. I also told her, well he may your dad, but his is MY HUSBAND, so there is a conflict of interest here and you cannot invite your dad without his spouse and child. She clearly didn't like that.
Good for you!!! Too bad that
Good for you!!! Too bad that she didn't like it. She sounds like a real piece of work! And quite frankly makes me angry.
"Next time your SD calls, ask
"Next time your SD calls, ask her... "Hey SD, your dad isn't here. So I heard you're planning a trip to the Caribbean and I'm not invited. What's that all about?"..."
PERFECT!!
I agree, I've lived that life
I agree, I've lived that life where they're afraid to speak to their daughters in front of you. They may as well have a mistress as have a relationship like this with their daughters, because in every way except sexually, that's what these women are to them, the other woman. It's far from a normal, healthy, father daughter relationship. But until you stop it, it will continue. Why sit there and worry and wonder what he's going to do. Ask him, don't give him such complete control over your life and emotions. If he has the gall and the disregard for you and his son to say he is going, take your son out of school and go on a holiday yourself. Start living a life for you, a life that isn't dependent on scraps of attention left over after your husband pleases himself and his daughter.
I agree. Just come out and
I agree. Just come out and ask him, don't wait for him to let you know what his decision is - he really shouldn't have that kind of Control over your life and emotions.
And I love love love stepaside's advice on confronting her the next time she calls!
i am dying to get an
i am dying to get an update...
nothing so far... She
nothing so far... She hasn't called again. I was going too answer this time and ask her what is going on. DH is obviously avoiding the issue with both of us. He is not calling her back, we are supposed to go out for dinner tonight, guess I will address the elephant in the room and ask him what the hell he is going to do.
piss me off, or piss princess off.
I will definitely keep you posted.
My DH loves to say how I put
My DH loves to say how I put him in the middle with whatever issue we are dealing with...his fav thing to say is that "I can't stand up to one without pissing off the other, so I can't win" then he goes off to pout about how hard his life is. He's right, but all I am asking for is respect, discipline, accountability,...they want money or to be mean spirited...not sure what is so hard about that
Well she just called and,
Well she just called and, we had a bit of a heated conversation. I called her out on the trip using SA's advice. I didnt yell but she basically told me this problem is all my fault. poor wittle baby. I told her the exclusionary invite was a low blow and set everything WAY BACK. Her voice grated on my nerves.
Good for you for addressing
Good for you for addressing the issue head _on! Tell us more : how heated was the conversation?
Well I first asked her so
Well I first asked her so what's up with the upcoming trip? What IS GOING ON HERE? She of course was shocked that I asked and proceed to stumble a bit and then finally just stated she doesn't want me on her family vacation as it would too uncomfortable. And then she proceeded to say that this whole problem we have is all my fault and that she has been really trying to get along. I said, oh really - what exactly have you done to try to make amends - I would like to hear specifics. She of course didn't have any.
Oh and she was way to busy to help me and my bio when I fell deathly ill a couple of years ago and almost died. My BS was scrounging around the house trying to feed himself and take care of me as DH was gone before I fell ill. She lived 10 houses away and never once offered any assistance and knew how ill I was. I brought this up and she said she was too busy - you know I have 3 kids. It was shortly after this that I disengaged.
She tried to say every issue I had with her, was the same issue she has with me. True narcissist - projecting everything back.
I ended it by saying this was a really shoddy thing to do and it has set this family way back now. I told how bad her behaviour was and that it is not acceptable.
I also told her, well he may your dad, but his is MY HUSBAND, so there is a conflict of interest here and you cannot invite your dad without his spouse and child. She clearly didn't like that.
"I would like to hear
"I would like to hear specifics." THAT is the key. My SD whined about me making her uncomfortable in my home for over 20 years. After she yelled this same thing at me 3 years ago I asked DH for specifics and he couldn't come up with one thing. Then I said, SD makes ME uncomfortable, and I CAN give you specifics. I've not heard the 'uncomfortable' B.S. since. I swear - we have the same narcarssistic SD!
Yes, I remembered your post
Yes, I remembered your post on asking for specifics. I am glad I did too because she didn't have much to say to that
bravo, 20yrs. bravo!
bravo, 20yrs. bravo!
Your are so right Notasm, it
Your are so right Notasm, it was actually scary listening to her lie and actual believe every lie she said. Oh, and she even said I haven't been much of a grandma either to her kids. I reminded her how she started playing mind games using her kids 2 summers ago and she didn't remember anything about it - how convenient.
They were all in our guest cottage and I was sitting out on the front patio and the kids wanted to come out to see me, I could hear them through the open windows. She would NOT let them come outside for over 2 hours. I waited her out to see how long she would torture these poor kids by not letting them outside.
DH wasn't there of course - so it's her word against mine as the kids were really young.
Edited to add: I truly believe now that there is something wrong with her. She is a pure narcissist inside and out.
Oh and my favorite was
Oh and my favorite was when she tried to tell me all the bad things she did were all in my head and I was imagining it. I lauged our loud and said yeah I figured you might pull that card out. but other people witnessed it and I went to a a couple of professional therapists who advised I remove myself
cell phone keyboard locked
cell phone keyboard locked up on my previous post.
I was advised for my health to stay away and gain some of my sense of self back before I tackle our serious dysfunction if ever.
ignore this, keyboard lockrd and I cant edit I was advised for my
SD has not called again for
SD has not called again for DH. He also has not called her back. I did tell him a bit about my phone call with her, and did point out " what gets rewarded, gets repeated".
We went out for dinner and he seems to want to play ostrich, head in the sand.
I am sure she will call him today crying about big bad SM.
I really don't care anymore, I am so tired of the games. I don't want to see or hear her whiny voice again for a LONG TIME.
See that's the thing, he
See that's the thing, he won't say. Probably waiting to see how upset princess gets. I don't know and don't want to talk to him about it anymore. This has consumed the better part of this week starting Sun. before suppertime.
Way too much space in my head and distracting me from enjoying life right now.
My SD is 14. I read this
My SD is 14. I read this forum because I want to see what may happen in 10 years. 20yrs- you're awesome!
Everyone tiptoes around these brats- I'm so over it.
Thanks OCS. And my SD is 38
Thanks OCS. And my SD is 38 years old. Getting real sick of her games. Enough already.
Edited to add, she was 15 when I joined the family. sometimes I think it was the worst mistake I ever made.
Good for you for answering
Good for you for answering that phone. Hopefully she'll back off now.
I heard a story from a friend
I heard a story from a friend only yesterday.
Her cousins mother had died, the father had passed some years earlier. His wife, their daughter in law, was very close to both of his parents, they to her, She did a lot for them apparently. The big Italian family had gathered around the kitchen table to discuss funeral,arrangements. The daughter in law said something, and one of the daughters turned to her and said, it's nothing to do with you, I don't know why your even here, you're not family. Now this woman had been married into the family for over 30 years. She immediately stood up to leave the table when her husband grabbed her and said sit down, he then turned to his sister and said, my wife and mum and dad were very close, my wife did everything for them and they would want her here, but if that makes you uncomfortable, then YOU LEAVE.
That's how every spouse should behave and if they did there would be no sites needed to help us deal with step issues, there would be no issues.
Bravo! Thank you for sharing,
Bravo! Thank you for sharing, EBU! Great story!
Blood is just blood. Milk of human kindness is my preferred liquid