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Sandye and Otheres - You were sooo Right -- Now the BS is Starting

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye, when I wrote about this upcoming wedding and how Twit had told DH that she didn't know if he would be invited, and all the other carp that transpired since you commented that Twit, being the way she is, would want to show a PERFECT family along with Happy Grandparents at the wedding.

Well, even after all the BS we have heard and been trhough with this upcoming wedding, you were SOOO right.

Today DH gets a call saying that Twit wants us to call her back she has something she wants to discuss.  So, DH does just that.  Apparently, according to Twit, the bride to be and groom are upset that we are not coming!  They want to know if they have done something wrong and are allegedly hurt.

We know that DH's other daughter received her save the day notice and info about the wedding way back in August, along with Twit telling her she wasn't inviting us.  And we know what we were told around oh Thanksgiving or Christmas from Twit and DH's response.

Now DH and I are the bad people according to her.  Her poor babie is SO UPSET that we aren't coming to the wedding.

This one, folks, perplexes me on how to handle.  I mean how does one call up the babie and tell him all that transpired from his Mama, whom still runs the show?

Any suggestions?

sandye21's picture

SDM, I am so sorry you are going through this - it is SO unfair!  You asked for suggestions.  Maybe I'm out of line but I would call the Babie and tell him, you would never do anything to hurt him.  Then, in chronological order, repeat every discussion you have had with Twit in regards to this wedding.  Only the facts, no emotion.  Then let him digest it.  Ask him if he wants you to attend.  Do not have any more conversations with Twit, then surprise her at the wedding. If this causes hardship for Twit she deserves it.  She really ticks me off - she is playing a game.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Good suggestion, will have to think about what to say, and get the courage.  Not easy to have to tell the Babie is Mommy is a liar.  Remember, Mommy Twit has him tied to apron strings quite tightly.

DH, as usual, gets upset at me, not because I did anything, but because he is upset because Babie and BTB are hurt, like it is my fault!  That is also a whole different problem.  He is pouting and not talking to me.  Thus I am all upset.  Damn HER and her brood.  Keep in mind that at one point she wanted us to come back to watch her house and dogs since we were not invited to the wedding.  Now she claims she never said that!!!!  DAMN, she said it to DH and I both!

I just don't know if I want to handle all this BS wedding stuff.

sandye21's picture

Please ask DH to tell you what you 'specifically' did to upset the Babie and the BTB.  If he comes up with something vague, remind him that you asked for something specific.  Then let him handle it on his own.

Sometimes when DH gets frustrated he gets ansy with me.  In those moments I have to be the stronger person and let him know I will not put up with it, then leave him alone to mull it over.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

As of this morning he is still not talking to me, like I did something wrong or it is my fault.

You know sometimes DH talks a good game but when push comes to shove he caves.  Of course Twit immediately laid the blame on us because her Babie was hurt that we weren't coming.  The ole it is not her but we hurt smeone else routine.

DAMN - The sad part is that Twit is an expert in this kind of carp as she has been doing it for years.  I, sadly, am not.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Why is he blaming you for this? He had said in the past he was getting sick of her behavior.  He knew the actions she took for you guys to not be invited.  But now it's your fault?

I know - what I am saying? You're a SM and an easy scape goat.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

How Twit operates is that she puts the guilt on him because her Babie is hurt because we aren't attending the wedding.  As DH snapped at me, they are hurt SDM.

DH buys into the guilt that Twit can be oh so good at dishng out..   You know, not her fault that we didn't get invited, but NOW the Babie is upset we aren't coming.  Enough to make your head spin around just trying to take it all in.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Of course it is a game, that is what she does.  Then she walks out like a poor victim and all the rest of us have to clean up the mess.

As you say, she wants to show off the perfect family to the brides people, not that she cares a fig about us.

Regarding the stuff about her house and the dogs...well that was just flat out bizzare right from the start.

The BIG problem is that for years she has lied and pulled this carp, and I believe she knows what she does, and everyone just let her get away with it rather than call her on it.

MurphysLaw's picture

I would not trouble myself with it at all!

I would lay it right in DHs lap & let him make all phone calls & travel arrangements should he want to attend.

But he would be attending by himself. 

That b!tch is nuts!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yep Murphy -- You have that right.  Twitis NUTS.  I am starting to wonder that since she scares the begesus out of me, if maybe that is why others let her get away with the carp she does.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I would remind your DH that he knows the facts and he can handle it as he sees fit.  I would tell him; however, that if YOU get thrown under the bus in any way, you will be setting the record straight with all involved. So he can handle it appropriately....or not.

It's HIS screwed up family.   He is free to go on his own if he wishes.

We are not having a good day here either. Fortunately these bad days don't happen very much anymore.  These daddies are expert backpedalers when it's comes to their adult princesses behavior.

sammigirl's picture

At this point, just tell your DH to make the plans.  Leave it in his ballpark.  If you want to go with him, I would go; if you don't want to subject yourself to the mess, I would stay home and send a nice card to the happy couple, only if you feel you really care to do so.

If Father's are feeling guilty about their DD's they blame us for their demise.  

Ugh....

Ispofacto's picture

Lol, I love how you insert "allegedly" in there, I do that all the time.  It's appropos dealing with these skids.

It's all about winning for them, and she thinks she found a way to win.

Doesn't gson know they never planned to invite gpa?  I mean, as the groom I would think he knew the guest list all along.  I seem to remember this all started with them whispering to each other.

Is it too late to book a romatic getaway for that weekend?  Then you could say you already have plans.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Glad you caught the allegedly.  You see, IMHO if they are hurt, upset as Twit claims, then why aren't they calling us?  They are adults.

My guess is that Twit got caught and is now blame shifting her carp on to us.

And YES my guess is that they knew about the guest list.  Heck, it's their wedding.  If they allowed Twit not to invite DH then the hell with all of them. 

This is nothing but Twit game playing.

futurobrillante99's picture

Be prepared, if you end up going, that Twit will have told everyone how SHE was horrified you didn't want to come in the first place (lie) and that you guys ALWAYS cause drama (lie), and everyone at the wedding will think SHE had to convince you two jerks to be there. You may get a lot of cold shoulders to punish you for not jumping at the first invite to be at the wedding (lie).

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You are so right about the gossip.  Twit is notorious for maligning people, turning people against each other etc.  Comes with her disordered mental condition.

Rags's picture

Call the baby and his bride,explain exactly what transpired with the TWIT.  Tell them that you (the two of you) would very much like to be there but did not want to distract from the wedding considering that TWIT made it obvious that she didn't want either of you there.

Give the baby the facts and put it all right on TWIT's lap where it belongs.

Lather.......rinse......repeat.

Go and everyone you interface with make sure  you recount how TWIT did everything she could to alienate her father and you from this wedding because in TWIT's toxic pea sized brain the world revolves around her and this is HER wedding rather than her son's and his bride's wedding.  The facts are Kryptonite to toxic manipulative morons.

Most of all...  have fun baring her ass.

 

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Rags, why should I clean this carp up.  I didn't do it and it is not my problem to fix.  Somehow I think that talking to the Babie about his beloved Mother would send Twit into a nuclear exposion greater than even North Korea claims then can do.  The deck is stacked against us as everyone seems to side with her because no one wants to face her wrath, even DH.

Though I have no problem about letting everyone else know, starting with his son and other daughter so they know and can spread the word to other relatives....with my blessing.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I've said it before, but we definitely have the same SD! So many people recognize her behavior but are afraid of the wrath they know she can dish out. People in the family say "that's just how OSD is."  Like that's an acceptable excuse.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sacrificial - I cannot tell you how many times I use to hear that:  Oh, that is just how she is, as she created a field of destruction in her wake.

That is why her mother, brother and sister have nothing to do with her.  They know better.  It is just soft-hearted DH that keeps putting up with it, getting mad for a while, and then letting her start again.

lala-land's picture

Well it seems like Twit has created this mess and now expects your DH to clean it up.  In your earlier post, I and others recommended that your DH contact his GS directly....had he done this earlier, all of this could have been avoided.   I still recommend that your DH contact his GS directly and let him know what is going on.  And in this case, the whole truth, especially about never receiving an invitation, what was conveyed to you by Twit back then and now and a request that all future communications not go through Twit.  As I said previously, the only way to end Twits behavior is to shine some light on her darkness.

I would also say that your husbands anger is mightily displaced.  All of it should be directed towards his lying, scheming, deranged daughter.  You did nothing wrong here.

mapitout's picture

Talk to the groom and the bride in person, listen to their side of it and ask them what it is that they really want. My eldest SS told his dad that I wasn't invited to his wedding because it would make his mother uncomfortable and if she was uncomfortable then he would be uncomfortable, I did not know this at the time, all I knew was I was not invited. DH and I were engaged and in hindsite, DH would have handled things differently as would I. I believe DH would have said that his son's decision comes at a cost and the cost may not be apparent now, but would be in the future. DH contributed royally to the royal wedding and in the process taught his son that he (DH) wasn't deservent of mutual respect. Now, DH is finding the drift between him and his son may have been averted with early intervention and by not being afraid of speaking honestly to his son about actions and consequences. DH has been fair to his ex and has been fair to his children, but the years of pandering have caught up. From my perspective the perfect storm was brewing all along and now DH is facing the headwinds of dysfunction on his own. I finally disengaged for my health and the health of our marriage. As the old saying goes, "The Chickens Come Home to Roost" 

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Say, if the groom and bride are so hurt and conserned, why the h*ll aren't they contacting us to see what, if anything, is wrong?

DH doesn't like confrontation, like so may other men, he would rather just take it out on me.  He's talking, but grudgingly so I know he is peeved.

Boy, in rereading my opening remarks I can see I was really upset just by the spelling errors.  Still am.

mapitout's picture

Your rational questions will not be answered. The "Twit" has her pants in a wad and a hard on for your husband, your husband pulls you in with your permission and the perfect triangle is created. Radio silence!

still learning's picture

^Agreed. The drama triangle should be between Twit, GS and DH. You shouldn't be involved in their mess at all.  

lala-land's picture

I’ve followed your blog for a long time.  In this case the facts are...you never received a save the date card and you never received an invitation to said wedding.  You have been told by Twit, a known liar, that you were not invited.  The hosts of the wedding are upset that you are not attending, again according to Twit. All of this is too weird.  

I’m only guessing here, but perhaps Twit was in charge of mailing the save the date cards and the invites and conveniently set yours aside.  She may have even filled in your RVSP herself, indicating that you would not attend.  This might explain what is going on.  Again, a quick call to GS would sort this mess out.  I personally would never deal directly with Twit again and would let every family member know that they must contact you directly and you will not respond if it goes through Twit.  She certainly loves her Twitstorms.

 

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

lala says: " I’m only guessing here, but perhaps Twit was in charge of mailing the save the date cards and the invites and conveniently set yours aside.  She may have even filled in your RVSP herself, indicating that you would not attend."

I'm with you on that.  That is not out of her "normal" behavior and part of the kind of manipulation she does.

Trust me, Twit is in charge of this wedding whether the BTB likes it or not.

DH is still grumpy this morning.  I told him to knock it off or go somewhere because I don't want to put up with it.  I also suggested that he could call GS and find out what is going on because I am not going to do it.  And if he can't do that that is HIS problem.  I had nothing to do with this whole carp mess.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Good, do not put up with any lip from your DH when it comes to his DD's behavior.   You guys moved far away to get away from Twit's crazy behavior. He can't expect you to go to a wedding now because Twit is weaving some crazy web where someone may or may not be hurt.

Why is your DH being crabby anyway? Does he expect you to resolve this mess? If so, I'd tell him I'd be super happy to resolve it and he was not going to like the outcome!

stepadvice's picture

I would call the bride and groom and have an honest conversation with them. I just had a similiar experience regarding a future wedding and miscommunication. It was quickly cleared up by speaking to my FSM directly instead of my dad. Having a talk can clear up any misinformation or confirm what Twit is stating.

I don't know the backstory so I am just going based off of the information on this post.

still learning's picture

In the end the grandson is the real loser in all this drama. What a sh*t show! Why in the world would anyone intentionally create such pain during an event that is supposed to be joyous and bring everyone together?! Planning a wedding is stressful enough. I agree with Lala land that twit was pulling a fast one behind the scene to create all this drama.  Also agree that DH should call grandson directly to clear all of this up.  

Personally I'd be planning an out of town trip during the blessed event and leave DH on his own to figure it out.  His monkeys his circus.  

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yes, it is just that type of show and it isn't fun.  This is typical of Twit and how she operates.  After all I have been through I know that, but this one hurts.

DH is whining about how terrible I am because his GS and the BTB feel bad we aren't coming, according to Twit.

sandye21's picture

SDM, I agree with still learning.   Go visit your Dad and leave DH home to figure things out.  Refuse to argue with DH anymore about it.  If he accuses you of anything, calmly say, "You know I had nothing to do with this" and walk away from him.

I know this is a terrible time for you.  You have to do what is best for you and let DH deal with the consequences of his lack of courage.  (((HUGS)))

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I am peeved that DH is so worried about the gs's feelings etc.  No one gave a darn about DH and his feelings when all this wedding stuff started.

Sandye, you would not believe the things this cretin has done to DH in the past, well, you would because you have, sadly, experience with this type of Twit.

Once she deliberately gave DH a wrong number for his other daughter!  Deliberately!  She changed the last digit on it.  When DH tried and tried calling it he never got an answer nor did it go to voice mail.  So he asked her again about the number and was told it was correct, that Twit had used it many a time to contact her sister.  When DH said it wasn't answered and never went to voice mail, Twit responded that the sister had never set up her voice mail.  DH said that was strange and didn't make sense, to which the response was:  Oh well, that's my sister.

When DH was able to get back to his phone and call his other daughter,he found that the number twit had provided was off by the last digit.  She had deliberately changed the last number so that DH could not make contact!  DH confronted Twit and told her the number she gave him was wrong to which she started blabbering about:  Oh, that was way she could never get ahold of her and rambling on".  One interesting tell tail clue with Twit is when she starts rambling....it means she got caught in a lie.

Now, normal people wouldn't do that again....heck, they wouldn't do it in the first place...but Twit just keeps on doing the same lies and rambling.

Toxic people like her do these things and inevitably get caught or disclosed but it seems like they just aren't smart enough to think ahead to the fact that they are going to get caught.  I hope that makes sense.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Honey, I have disengaged and I have moved across country to get away from crazy.  It is DH that keeps getting pulled back into the web.  He stands up to her then, a few weeks later she calls with some BS story and he goes off the wagon.

I have been advised by a very close, long time frient (back to 2nd grade) who is a retired FBI profiler that Twit;s real target is not me but her Father.  Also, that she is a crazy as a loon and for my health and safety to stay far away fromher, which I have been doing until this stuff starts.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

He won't call.  He would rather take it out on me.  He knows that if he talks to GS it will go directly back to Twit (remember GS is still controlled by Twit....her Babie) and all hell will break loose at DH.

People like Twit control others by their rage and actions that are unrationale.  Normal people have to take the beating for it.  With Twit one of her big things is control.  You can bet she is controlling that wedding.  Why do you think it is being held here in the US rather than back in the bride's country?

Folk.s I am taking this one pretty darn hard with DH's attitude.  Maybe it is me, but I feel like I did when I was back closesr to Twit's place.  Maybe it is just an off day for me, I don't know.  All I know is I want to bawl my eyes out over this because I don't want to handle it.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You know, if you take a moment and look at what is going on, Twit tried to upset DH by telling him about the wedding and she didn't know if he was going to be invited or not, then we found out DH was not invited.  Okay, now Twit is calling because allegedly the BTB and Groom are hurt we are not coming!  The whole situation is too much to get one's head around.

As my friend said, Twit probably  did her Twitty carp being mean and malicious and never looked down the road to see who else would get hurt.  But then she does't care when she gets someone in her sights.

I am not going to get involved in straightening or trying to correct this....not my problem, just on the receiving end of the BS.  DH needs to straighten it out if he wants to.  If I get involved then all will turn against me and it will be my fault.....been there, done that, sadly.

What I have done is been looking up airfares for HIM to go back there for the wedding if he wants.  I am not leaving the safety and security of the state I live in.  In fact, his other daughter, who turned down the invite because she was told we were not invited and she didin't want to get into a Twit web, suggested we go to Las Vegas that weekend.  I'm all for that.  She, I and her hubby can go and DH can go back by Twit's for the wedding if he wants.

sandye21's picture

"If I get involved then all will turn against me and it will be my fault.....been there, done that, sadly."  So glad you have finally told DH, "No more!"  It is not your problem to solve, it is not  your duty to be a scapegoat.  Your 'good' SD has a wonderful idea.   Go  to Las Vegas and let DH go to the wedding.  I live near to Las Vegas and believe me - there's a lot to do besides gamble!

You know what I find odd is why aren't GS and the bride upset that his Aunt (good SD) is not attending?   GS MUST know you are not on Twit's good side just as her Mother and siblings are.  Are any of Twit's siblings attending?  If not, why?    Somehow this just doesn't seem to add up.  I would bet GS hasn't said anything about being hurt and still doesn't know you are not coming.  I think when all is said and done, you will find out this was all a Twit shell game.  

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye, When dealing with Twit nothing ever seems to add up; it is all bizzare    As to your questions about the other daughter and gs, I honestly do not know and I don't ask the other daughter.  I keep clear on that front at all costs.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Well, DH got his head out of his backside, at least for now.  He agrees that Babie should be contacted and told what is going on, and then he looks at me.  Whoa Nellie, I told him there is no way, no how, under no circumstances that I am making any calls to any of them back there.  He can call or not as he likes, he can go back there for the wedding if he likes.....I'm going to Vegas with his other daughter and her hubby.  PERIOD..

I am wondering if some of the Twit carp isn't because DH did't pay homage to her on her birthday.  Remember, I didn't remind him, he said he remembered but didn't bother to call, which seemed a big step at the time.  Let's see, this whole bruhaha is just about the right timing for a Twit storm because of that.

sandye21's picture

"I am wondering if some of the Twit carp isn't because DH did't pay homage to her on her birthday."  Oh yes, I think it was being that she is a narcissist.  She forgot his birthday but hers is more 'special'.  What do you want to bet he will be joining the rest of you in Las vegas?

StepUltimate's picture

I am excited for your trip to Vegas! Good for you. You'll be creating wonderful memories while being absent from 1st-hand TwitStorm memories (because we KNOW you'll get and LOOK FORWARD to your After-Action Report!).

Cheers!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Now I know you aren't figuring on me winning on one of those Big Bertha machines that pays off BIG time, so I guess you are talking about the boohoohoo-ing Twit when she finds that she isn't the STAR of her sons wedding.  That's the real reason she was/is losing all that weight.  And you can bet it is not about the pounds it is about the inches so she thinks she looks a lot slimmer than she is.

And yes, being safely far away, it has become amusing, in some ways, to watch her contrive etc.  Now if I can get DH not to get all pie-faced when she calls bawling about some thing or another; and NOT to give me the grumpies over it.