You can refuse just like she can. If your DH wants to host, he does the cooking and cleaning. Or he can have a conversation with his daughter about her selfishness. But YOU get to step back and let them solve it. 

There are places that will do carry out meals at thanksgiving.. there are restaurants that serve it.

I would just hold firm in that you are not hosting thanksgiving.  If she doesn't want to do it.. then I would plan a cruise for you and your DH.

I would probably take it as a gift that gets me out of having to hang out with them. 

and not ONE invite to any of DHs kids' places. 12 years of hosting ALL major holidays when they (SKs) did their final deed that pushed me over the edge. It's been 6 years. There has been a few interactions with two of them this past year so I've considered the holidays. 

I do not plan to ever host events again. If things continue to improve in the relations, I would not have issue with them coming here, provided they participate and bring side dishes. Other than that, DH can take them out to a restaurant and I'll decide then if I'll attend or head to friends. 

If your SD doesn't want to host, then just don't make the offer next year. When she calls asking, remind her it's her turn. And if she and her husband can't cook, remind her that she can make a reservation at a restaurant. Be done with that. LOL

I feel your pain. I agree with other commenters that you don't need to bend over backwards for those who do not reciprocate.

A few months ago when SDiabla28&26 were house sitting in our area they invited ONLY DH to go have dinner with them at the house they were sitting. This is after I have hosted countless Thanksgivings and Xmas dinners for the diabla brazillas. I am so done with the drama that I see it for what it is but I didn't let it ruffle my feathers. DH is an idiot to go but he went. That was the only part that hurt a little. I stayed home and enjoyed the peace and quite. No sweat off my back.

DH said YSD cooked (yuck) and he claimed the meal was good. The funny thing is SD's know that I cook healthy and delicious meals. It was totally an attempt at being mini-wives. BM is the worst cook ever. SD's have brought leftovers to our house and they have always been gross, plain and flavorless. 

I told DH that I think SDiablas staying somewhere else and DH seeing them on their terms actually worked out to be a great solution. It's much better than having them bring their dark cloud and ungrateful selves over here to gobble up my meals. DH didn't like to hear that very much. Too bad buddy. You're the one running over to have dinner with the mini-wives without your real wife. I would never do that if my kids were to pull a stunt like that. I'd say that I'm not going if DH isn't invited too. C'est la vie

I would have  said " we are not entertaining on the holidays any longer"---- and YES I would have make that broad sweeping statement. 

I would have left out --- It's your turn.  

That's just me. 

This is why God made restaurants.

Mom is a wizard of entertaining and culinary magic.  Because of that, and the fact that her love language is amazing meals, events, and quilting, she will work herself to exhaustion preparing and presenting TG, Christmas, Easter, and Birthday magic.

Because of that for about 10 or so years leading up to COVID, we would go to the Marriott in our town/suburb where several culinary schools and JC programs would prepare and serve the TG, Christmas, and Easter feasts.  That was truly wonderful for the whole family.  Sadly they stopped that during COVID. 

Of course mom can't help herself.  Since the Marriott stopped their colaboration with the culinary programs, mom is back to her kitchen magic.

When we went overseas we did a hybrid. We catered the mains and picked it up the day of, each couple brought their signature side.  About a dozen years before we went overseas, we started catering TG dinner from different places each year. We would pick it all up on Wed AM on our way out of town. We would arrive at BBNP on Thursday mid AM. Spend the day bashing around the back country trails and hiking. Then get back to camp in the early evening, spark up the fire and a couple of camp stoves, heat up the TG feast, and have a great Friendsgiving camping.   

I would not do the cook for a dozen crap at all and for sure any toxic morons would not be allowed to attend if I did.  Gatherings that are lower stress, more unique, and sans toxic dipshits, regardless of who the dipshits may be, are far better than the torturous bullshit so many Fd up families insist on and suffer through.  Particularly when "those" people would never make the effort to drive to the middle of nowhere, bash over 4X4 roads, set up a tent, get dirty, have a blast to exhaustion, then freeze their ases off for 3 nights before driving 12hrs back home.

What a blast we had for that half dozen years of TGs.  Those are some of SS's fondest memories.  The first one was when he was 4.

.  

YSD invited us to eat only once in her home. Her SO made the meal; it was good until I found a dog hair. It was all I could do to finish. She will occasionally send things home with her dad, or give some holiday goodies, but I do not eat anything prepared in her home. Dog hair, no thank you! Also, they have been ill for the last 6+ months and pass it back and forth to each other (and the house guests that stay...when people are sick!). They also go to public events and expose others to their Covid, strep, etc. I just don't understand this....

There are many places who sell complete Thanksgiving dinners.  All SD needs is the money to buy them.  Drinks dessert coffee. That's a meal.