Refuses to come over because of me
Just a vent about the joys of the skid relationship. *sad*
My fiancé's kids... 20, 14.
The 20 year old is a failure to launch situation. When she attempted college over a year ago, it was just the 14 year old who came over. My kids got along really well. My fiancé would even comment that it was so nice seeing her act her age with them, something she didn't do with her own siblings, since they are so much older.
After two failed attempts at college the 20 yo came back to town last year and joins her sister eowe... not mandatory... just because I guess?? She doesn't sleep over. He just picks her up everyday, she doesn't drive. So they come over and sit in the living room all weekend on their phones. It's not a big living room so there's like one other place to sit, since one of them takes up the whole couch. The 20yo is a bit weird and we've just never really connect and she doesn't get alone with my kids... so my kids stay in their rooms most of the weekend because they are over. The 20 yo has a small part time job ... and that's it even though she has her AA. So I think that's a little of my problem too. My kids won't be sitting at my house all weekend in the living room on their phones when they're 20! My fiancé doesn't do much with them and I feel like that's between them. Not my job to play event planner for them. I don't engage much with them when they are over. I'm an introvert who hates small talk. What do you talk to a 20 year old about who has nothing going on in her life and who is a bit awkward? She's also been pretty standoffish/rude to me... to be fair, not all the time... I just never know what I'm going to get. I keep busy with my own things when they are there. Could I be a little more welcoming... sure... I just get closed off around the 20 yo's energy. I'll say hello but then they're off the the living room on their phones. 20yo is finally, hopefully, going back off the college in August. I've been looking forward to things getting back to "normal" and growing our relationship with his 14 year old once her sister is gone. Since the dynamic is so different with the 14 yo when her sister is here.
Well today the 20yo texts my fiancé that she see's it's obvious the I don't like her or her sister so she is not going to come over anymore. She will meet him outside of the house but she won't come over because of me. And the 14 year old is all hurt too and doesn't want to talk to my fiancé right now. The 20 yo also commented that she feels my kids and I are more important than they are to him. My kids are never even around when they are there and I've never stood in the way of them spending time together. Ever. I do think my fiancé could be doing a better job in his relationship with them and will sometimes suggest things to him, but he usually doesn't take my advice. So for the most part I leave their relationship alone. But now wtf. If she's leaving in a month or two I wish she would have just not made a weird deal about everything. She's 20... she doesn't need to be coming over all weekend anyway like she's still 12. My fiancé stood up for me in the text conversation. But I don't like putting him in a situation that feels like I'm a barrier to his kids. I know he doesn't blame me. But he spent the night completely depressed and has no idea what to do.