Please help me not loose my shit
Hello All..Again...
I have posted before about the extremely toxic living situation I have going on right now. Just to recap:
1. Fiancee’ soon to be ex on Drugs and blames everything on me
2. 18 year old worthless SD moves in and sit on her ass and does nothing
3. 2 other Skids living with us as well who now have grown to hate me
I have made the choice to quietly gather my affairs together and get out of this situation. But until all my financing for my new life comes through I have to live in this hell for now… I have made the decision just to keep my mouth shut like nothing is wrong and go about my business. I get pounded with insults day after day from 4 people who I have given 5 years of love and support to, and now I am just as worthless as a piece of gum on the bottom of their shoes. I have about 5 more weeks until I can move. My problem is the 18 year old Step Daughter using my music instruments. Some my finacee’ bought me, some I bought. None the less she doesn’t know how to play and now she is messing around with them and posting pics up on FB of her with my stuff as well. I am TRYING NOT TO BLOW MY TOP over this and the fiancee’ will tell me how petty I am if I say anything. I have to walk into this house everyday knowing how loathed I am. I feel like the biggest joke in the world. I good enough to pick up after everyones mess and that’s about it. When it is noticed that I have not been keeping up my “household duties” I become the target of hate…again…. Now the fiancée is purposely doing things with the kids he knows will hurt my feelings. I am trying so hard to be strong, but I feel myself coming apart. I really have nowhere to go until the apartment is available. Do I just sit back and take it with a smile…. Fighting for myself has only made things worse… Please someone, what do I do? Picking up and leaving on a whim will just put me in dire financial straits… I need to stick it out these 30 odd days…
Just keep coming here and
Just keep coming here and venting away. Ignore the haters and keep chanting....30 more days, 25 more days, etc.
Do you work out or exercise. That would be the best thing to do to get rid of pent up anger.
Can you squirrel away some of
Can you squirrel away some of the instruments at your office or a friend/relatives house?
Take the instruments to a
Take the instruments to a storage locker. Tell the swampnest that they are in the shop getting tuned.
If you can't afford a storage locker for one month take them to a pawn shop and get the money for yourself. You can acquire new ones later when life is better. But same excuse to family: all the instruments are getting tuned, repaired, upgraded, etc.
Yes! This!^^
Yes! This!^^
That's a really great idea. I
That's a really great idea. I can say there are being restrung.
Hang in there! Do whatever
Hang in there! Do whatever you need to do to get through these next weeks.
You and I are in a very
You and I are in a very similar boat jen. I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. It sucks knowing you have no other choice but to deal with it until you can get out. Hang in there! And yes, what was said earlier about coming back here often to vent away... Absolutely! I've been here for only a week and it has helped ease my stress level a ton!
It's going to be a difficult
It's going to be a difficult 30 days, but it will be worth it. There must be some satisfaction in know your suffering is going to come to an end soon. You've done the hardest part, the part so many in your situation don't have the strength to do. You decided to move on, and did. Now you just have to try to be patient for just a little longer. There's good things to come. I promise.
Look up SnoopyStep and
Look up SnoopyStep and SweetPea's blogs while you're at it. And, I think, Stepdown? Was that her name? When I first came here she was just leaving. You will see how much they struggled and then when they finally did it....Calgon take me away, aaahhhh! You can see how it played out for them in their dreamy new lives. It will give you hope and strength.
Whatever happened to
Whatever happened to Stepdown? And Jinger?
If you don't use those
If you don't use those instruments to make your living sell them and use the money to get out now.
Things can be bought again later.
Please get out of there asap, it sounds horrific.
I wouldn't pick up after then
I wouldn't pick up after then another second! If you want to hang onto the instruments, try a friend or family member. The pawn shop is another good idea, perhaps just keep a favorite and use the money from the rest to get moving forward.
I'm so sorry to hear you're
I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation.
Is it possible to bunk in with family or a friend for the next couple of weeks? I just want you to get out of that environment ASAP.
Do keep us informed here.
*hugs*
The saga continues.... Here
The saga continues.... Here is a great little gem of an update (BTW, thank you all so much for your support... being on this board works better then the depression meds and Adderall combines)
So for about 3 years while fiancée was just sitting around doing nothing but sucking on his crack pipe, I would run around the house cleaning like a mad woman. I have never really been a huge neat freak (not dirty, not messy, just reasonable) but I thought in my warped mind that if the house was really clean he would want to spend time with me more often... Didn't happen.... SHOCKER. ANYWAY, yesterday morning and afternoon were just miserable. I told him before I left for work that I had a fun little happy hour thing to go to with the gals I work with after work. I had told him about this a week ago, but I thought I would gently remind him. In the 6 months I have been at my new job I have only been out after work 2 times previously... it's not like this happens all the time. He FLIPPED out on me saying there is so much cleaning to do in the house, I don't care about the house, I am slob, blah blah blah. Since March I have been on a binge-cleaning strike. I have had to travel for work several times and everytime I come home the house is a WRECK. Dog shit all over the place (because picking it up would make him gag), the cats not fed, food and junk EVERYWHERE... So, I only do the bare minimum. NOW that the 18 SD is here, he is a cleaning maniac and insulting me every step of the way. OF COURSE I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING!!! I GOTO WORK EVERYDAY WHILE THEY SIT ON THEIR ASSES AND DO NOTHING!!!
He was so wicked mean to me over text while I was at work that I could barely keep myself from having a panic attack. I know this is all over me having a little fun with the ladies after work. So, I get home around 8:30pm... not too late and I notice the kitchen, living rooms and bathrooms are spotless. My fiancée proudly announces that Ashley the 18 SD worked all day on it. And then declares his admiration for her all over FB. It seems like a huge slap in the face... On one hand, I am HAPPY I don't have to clean these areas for the 10 minutes they will remain clean BUT why should she be praised for doing normal household chores? I wonder if he will have her wiping up his sloppy cocaine cooking messes now too... or is that just reserved for me, the most hated person in the house....
i could not have said this
i could not have said this better.
you are being used and abused. find a safe place for your pets. domestic violence shelters have resources where you have place your pets while you sort our affairs. find a great new life for yourself while you leave these idiots behind.
i concur that you should report him to the police.
their well being is no longer your concern. whether they thrive or implode, its no concern for you. you have a new life ahead. best wishes for you.
please keep us updated.
You're not just being taken
You're not just being taken for granted, your efforts are never going to be good enough.
And why are you going out of your way (and out of your mind) looking after a crack addict if this is the thanks you're going to get?
Leave your fiance and get out of there ASAP.
Keep strong! You can do
Keep strong! You can do this!
I was so happy to hear about your update that you are leaving this disaster.
You are reading the situation
You are reading the situation correctly. Of course it still gives you not just a pang but some rage. But if you can, give yourself some deep breaths and slowly say, "not....my....monkeys......" IOW, who cares who he is praising and who spiting. Not your problem anymore because you are no longer emotionally invested in him or his situation.
Easier said than done, I know. But just taking a moment to have that deep breath and say that out loud will give you some strength and a tiny slice of serenity.
I cannot wait till you get out of there. I wish you could cash in the instruments and go stay at a by the week motel for the rest of this month. Your house sounds just terrible.
Just a little comment on the
Just a little comment on the pets... I know I will be taking my cat with me (he has been with me before him) BUT 3 years ago he bought me my precious French Bulldog, Harley. This dog was bought for me and we have both paid for her care because when things were good, of course we both pitched in. I am TERRIFIED that he will try to block me from taking her. She truly is my dog, she sleeps with me every night, waits for me until I get home. Essentially never leaves my side... Oh and I am the only one who feeds the animals in the house anyway (we have 5 in total). Harley's name is listed under my last name at the vet as well... Only problem is, he bought her for me and I have heard that animals are considered property of the person who purchased the pet... Any ideas here?
You need an exit strategy for
You need an exit strategy for the dog too if you're afraid he will try to stop you. Can you board the dog just prior to your leaving, with instructions that NO ONE picks up the dog but you? Lie if you have to (vet is concerned about his breathing and they want to observe him--easy enough to pull off for a bulldog). Then you get the hell out of that house.
Agree with the above 2. ^^^.
Agree with the above 2. ^^^.
Not a lawyer but in my understanding a gift is recognized by the courts. No longer belongs to the giver.
Definitely let the dog be the first thing you take out of the house even if you have to leave him alone in new apt for part of the day while you move. Better yet, board him a day or two. Pick a kennel that your bf is not familiar with. Definitely put your own name down only and advise the kennel you have an ex who likes to cause you trouble so please be very careful--you only for pickup and ID must be shown.
If nec, threaten bf with the court/cocaine thing but only after the dog is removed somewhere he does not know where.
This man is very scary. I'm soooo relieved to hear you are taking the dog and other pets. Big relief.
Sounds to me that part of the
Sounds to me that part of the problem is the fiancee. Had your finance been at your back and supported you I think you would feel perhaps slightly different in this situation. I find it amazing that the bio parent will cater so much to their adult children to aide in hateful, disrespectful acts but I too lived it myself.
I think I would take the music equipment that you bought or that was given to you in another room. I would have hard feelings for SD using my stuff too. When your bios use your stuff it is fine because you know they love you but when you get so much hate from anyone it creates very hard feelings, that is very natural. Your finance is not on the receiving end of this so he is being compassionate (or lazy to address issues) towards his children and I think he is expecting the same of you but that is just not going to happen at this point.
You need to get out to there. Collect your stuff and find some way out. let your finance figure this out. If he likes how his children are living and he can support their poor behavior you should not be with him.
THE LAST STRAW. Last night
THE LAST STRAW. Last night was the breaking point for me, I will begin to move out this afternoon and into my parents home until I can arrange for an apartment. I have just HAD IT with everyone in that household. SO found out that Ex-Wife cheated on him several time during their marriage... to save her own skin she decided to lie and throw me under the bus by telling him I was trying to get him put in jail and his kids taken away from him... She showed him my phone number on her cell call log of all the time she has called me ABOUT THE KIDS and nothing else... but she knows that her goose is cooked so she lied about me... Yeah, I talk to her all of the time.... when SO is too drugged out to pick up his phone and it is ALWAYS about pick up and drop off times for the kids and some pleasantires... Well, she essentially got her daughter SD13 to lie to SO as well which caused a huge blow out in the house and I have decided that I cannot live there anymore... They want to defend their Dad who is messed up on Crack and now Heroine everyday... they can fucking have him. The SD13 come into my room last night while I was sleeping and was looking for my computer charger... I told her to get the hell out of my room and to never ask me for another thing again. This 24 hours after me securing her money to go out with her friends and I was her ride to and from... She BEGGED Her Father to call about info for braces for her and he wouldn't, so when she asked me I DID IT.... GOOD LUCK KID... have fun with 2 bio parents who should have all custody taken away from them. A Dad who smokes drugs in the house with young kids and a Mom who knowingly allows this to happen. I told SO he will help with cost of my move... he didn't oppose me... I hope they all succumb to horrible fates in their worthless lives... ALL OF THEM.
Good for you!!! You are
Good for you!!! You are really too good for this. Good luck and (((HUGS)))
I am so glad for you to get
I am so glad for you to get out of this mess. Get doggie out first, everything else can be replaced if necessary but that crowd might irreparably harm or neglect Rover.
Really, it's the best thing ever. BM et al actions finally showed you the whole thing really is intolerable and unsafe for you NOW. When you are out of it and enjoying the peace and sanity you will be kicking yourself for not leaving sooner.
Stand firm. Do not succumb to any sweet talk to get you to stay. You can do this!
That just sucks, I feel for
That just sucks, I feel for you and commend you for getting yourself out of that situation. Have you looked into pet sitting, house sitting, being a part time nanny just to get away from the house?
Best of luck getting through this!
I've just come to this. Run,
I've just come to this. Run, Jen, run. My feeling is that the kids are probably victims too, but you can do nothing to change that. All you can do is save yourself. Please save yourself from this mess.