"A piece of paper doesn't entitles you to be family to me" - Part II - My husband had a talk with her
First of all I would like to thank all the messages I got in my last blog, it helped me a lot.
I could see my expectations were unrealistic
For those who didn't read, there it is:
Yesterday morning I had a conversation about the incident with his daughter.
He was shocked. He decided to have a talk with her. I begged him not to, but when he dcides something, nobody can change his mind.
He invited her to go dinner with us, she accepted. We went to a local restaurant .
He confronted her about the subject and she said:
"Do you really think coertion will make me change my mind? No, it won't. I said everything she said I said."
"I really said her that stepbullshit is just a post-modernity bullshit. It doesn't exist. 1st: you can't be a step to an existing thing, the parent exists, dead or alive, your wishes won't change the fact. 2nd: the stepbullshit is just some pathetic people seeking validation for their feelings, beliefs and acts. Pretty easy to understand: a person comes from a failed project, invested his/her time, energy, feelings, that project dies suddenly. That person starts a new project. What is the most human thing to do? Do not commit the same mistakes. So, in that try, people decides to be their best version. If the project comes with a child, they try to win over that child. No, it isn't because they are so excited to be a new person loving an adorable and inoocent child, it is because they can't delete that painful remainder of someone's past. In other hand, they are deep afraid to fail again. That's why the stepbullshit relationships are so hard, people aren't honest. 3rd: That 'I'm not trying to replace your parent' is a complete bullshit. You're indeed and unconsciously trying. You see something that bugs you in a child, wouldn't be tempted to 'fix' it? Make it your way? The main problem is our deep feelings are scaring. Ask any step parent or children if they really care about each other. Ask if they would miss each other. Ask if they could delete each other, if they would hesitate. They wouldn't. Before I went to work on my grandpa's company as a headhunter, he chose me because of that ice cold heart as he says (she laughed), I worked with families. 98% of them answered my questions negatively. It may sound a bit harsh, but, in a world where people take Martin's bullshit so seriously, someone needs to be the bad guy. People tends to blame others for their own expectations and perceptions of life."
Me and my husband couldn't not believe that, but honestly, I didn't think she was wrong, you guys made me think.
"About your mom. She was rude trying to force family ties on me. I'm not her relative, she had no right to call me her GD. About you, I can't be blamed for you past and specially for your expectations."
After that she lefted.
My husband said he was sorry and I said he nothing to be sorry about.
Me? I was fine. I bit disappointed by such coldness...