You are here

O/T - Generational perspectives

2Tired4Drama's picture

Posting this here because my assumption is most of us are "mature" and are dealing with relationships of 20-30 something adult kids/skids.

I have been briefly visiting another site primarily populated by this age group who are living in a major metropolitan area in the US.  I have read about and experienced myself some of the snowflake syndrome of this generation.  SD29 in particular fits the bill to a "t."

But I have been absolutely stunned by how deep and pervasive this entitlement runs in this generation.  Especially so when it comes to how they view their parents, in-laws, grandparents and others.  They post issues that are so over-the-top selfish, then seek out vindication from their peers - and get it in spades!

I am appalled.  No matter what they do they are right and justified.  I weighed in on one poster and tried to respectfully give them another perspective, from an older person's point of view. 

(At issue was a "snowflake" mother blowing off a dinner engagement at a restaurant with her in-laws/grandparents at the last minute.  IL's lived elsewhere, and had reached out in the morning and invited Snowflake and grandkids to dinner because Snowflake's DH (their son) had to work late that night. IL's had driven to the restaurant's town to meet up, and then Snowflake called them about a half hour before appointed meeting time telling them she and grandkids weren't coming.  Snowflake had a host of ridiculous excuses for not going but stated she rarely reaches out and communicates with ILs but leaves that to her husband.  When ILs were told Snowflake and grandkids weren't coming, they got upset and told their son they were hurt by Snowflake cancelling at the last minute.  Snowflake then posted her story on line and wanted vindication that she did absolutely nothing wrong because her and her kids were of primary importance and the ILs should just suck it up.)

All her peers agreed. 

I tried to opine that maybe they should look at the ILs perspective - they made the effort to communicate with her directly and invite her to dinner, knowing DH was working.  Maybe they thought they were doing something nice?  Maybe they were trying to improve communication with DIL and thus have a better relationship with her AND their grandkids?  When she cancelled at the last minute, maybe ILs saw this as a refusal to engage with them.  I also wondered if Snowflake had done this to them before?  That might explain the IL's hurt feelings.

OMG.  You should have seen the vitriolic responses I got!   HOW DARE I take the side of the ILs?  Snowflake did nothing wrong and anyone who doesn't see that is childish, immature and overly dramatic.   It's all about Snowflake's perspective ...ILs should just get over it.  

Holy crap.  If this is how this generation sees the older generation WITHIN THEIR OWN FAMILIES then we should all expect to get shoved on an ice floe and pushed out to sea.  

tog redux's picture

I'm not ready to condemn the whole generation - I have a 25 year-old niece who is very kind and always has been, especially to my 85-year-old mother.  And I've hired lots of 20-30 something young adults who are hard-working, responsible and independent, no entitlement at all.

I do think entitlement is on the rise, though, and the parents of this generation (our generation) have created a lot of it in their kids. Obviously, these ILs are not to blame for that in their DIL, but I bet her own parents can take on some of it.

2Tired4Drama's picture

I should not have been so generalized.  I also know caring, kind and hard-working young adults. 

But the interesting thing I have noticed (and it's so in this case) is it seems to be those from higher-income communities who have the serious entitlement issues, which is the case with the specific forum I'm referring to.  It also aligns with your comments about parents of our generation raising them to be so self-centered.

It so happens SD lives in this same geographic area and she is a classic example of it.  

 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

 

my stepkids are those people that will stand you up with no phone call.  Over and over and over again. 

Jojab1636's picture

My husband's daughters (27 and 29 years old - but not their maturity level) stood us up too.  SD27 and her son were in town from TX visiting her Dad  (my DH) and her sister.  My DH and his two daughters and grandson were together all day and at some point the plan was made that we (including me) were all going to supper together.  I was informed of this plan when I got home from work.  My husband and I were to take grandson to the park while the girls went shopping with the understanding we would meet at the resturant at 7pm.  They never showed up.  They DID call 3 different times to "check in" .  The first  call was to see how Luke/grandson was doing.  The second call was to tell my DH that they were just checking out and the third call was to tell DH they were on their way to the resturant.  They never showed up for supper???!!!!  Not once did they indicate they were not coming to supper!!!!  We finally just left and they acted all surprised to the coolness they got when they got home.  They acted like nothing was wrong!!!This was just the beginning of the week of her visit.  It was awful.

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I notice this on reddit a lot. A lot of 19 - 35 year olds on that site, and no matter how badly or selfishly a person behaves, they can count on lots of sychophantic support.

 I recently unfriended a woman who joined one of my hobby groups. She's in her late twenties, utterly entitled, and very self involved. She holds very strong opinions on a variety of subjects despite having zero direct experience in these areas, and manages to make everything about herself. When a rookie female police officer was murdered, this woman complained on fb about the awful traffic caused by the funeral procession and stated that a cop dying shouldn't be a big deal; and on the anniversary of 9-11, she highjacked a post I'd made to bang on about how awful her memories of it are because she was a CHILD and WORRIED that her Arab father would be attacked or taken away and it was sooo TRAUMATIC for her. Seriously? All roads lead to her and her fee fees, and she's never, ever wrong.

2Tired4Drama's picture

This young woman sounds exactly like SD.  Every conversation is about her, her work, her life, her house, her car, her, her, her, her, her.  Now that she's a mother, I'm sure we can add her baby to the list of categories about ... her.

"All roads lead to her and her fee fees."  I'm going to have to remember that one, and will use it with relish when appropriate!  Thanks, exJulie!

ndc's picture

I'm in the "snowflake generation," and I completely agree with you.  It was terribly rude and inconsiderate of Snowflake mom to cancel on her in-laws at the last minute.  I'm shocked that all of her peers agreed with her; my friends don't behave that way or condone that kind of behavior.  

2Tired4Drama's picture

If someone tentatively tried to point out that ILs may have meant well, they were immediately rolled over by a snowball of snowflakes angrily defending the OP.   Probably because they all do the same thing, and feel it's perfectly justified.  

When I said something about showing a little empathy towards the ILs, I got quite a few sarcastic comments about how I was "projecting" my own issues on others and what right did I have to do that.    

Seems they know pop psychology terms, too, and enjoy throwing them around.  

Lollybobs's picture

The 'snowflake' was rude and thoughtless, no two ways about it. Obviously it's not the entire generation but I agree that there are a lot of entitled and self-centred people within that age group. But this is what comes from having rights but no real responsibilities , as well as being given everything they ever wanted.

I worked with a  colleague, aged 27, whose boyfriend proposed to her. She was insistent that they get married in a particular place and the wedding had to be done in a certain way. The cost was going to be £25,000(!) and because they couldn't afford it, they had to wait 3 years and save. She saw herself as hard done by because as a result, they couldn't afford any holidays in the meantime. Now the year before, they'd bought themsellves a 4 bedroom house and everything in it was brand new , which was a bit ridiculous as there's only 2 of them. She'd just had a new car, which was a great big  expensive 4x4 and again unnecessary. She started making snide comments to others in the office when they went on holidays; she really couldn't see that because of the buying choices they'd made, something had to give. Most of these coworkers were considerably older than her but she felt that she should be able to 'have it all' at 27. She grew up having everything she wanted and her parents  were still paying for her holidays well into adulthood. It really was quite an amazing sense of entitlement.

tog redux's picture

And your last sentence says it all - sadly, the Baby Boomer generation and Generation X have created these entitled young adults, no doubt about it. (I am Generation X, by the way).

2Tired4Drama's picture

what THEIR children will be like??  They are now becoming parents themselves and I wonder how their own kids will turn out.

In the meantime, there are kids in third world countries who are growing up with little to nothing yet are smarter, tougher, and more resilient.  They will rule the world.   The Darwin theory will prove itself once again.  

2Tired4Drama's picture

But this is what comes from having rights but no real responsibilities , as well as being given everything they ever wanted."

shamds's picture

understandable but often you have self centred all about me people who confirm and promise they’re available for said visit then don’t turn up or have others relay to you they can’t go.

ultimately they knew they couldn’t go and shouldn’t have confirmed But when you aren’t considerate of others you don’t ever give a shit.

for example, a few months ago, hubby was missi g me and our 2 toddlers because i am flying back and forth between my and hubby’s country to finish my degree as i can’t do it in hubbys country, our home has no internet and we are in a blsckspot. Skids (especially sd23.5 & 14.5) knew i was overseas and hubby suggested during long weekend he wanted to visit his dad and family in his hometown and if sd’s wanted to come. They jumped for joy “yes we wanna go!!” So hubbys like great i can go spend long weekend with my kids from exwife. 

The reality is sd23.5 still needed to go back to mummy for permission(yup grown ass woman still asks mummy for permission to see daddy), exwife knows i am in australia and refused to attend any meets with skid demons like her friggin puppet so she is on mission inflict maximum pain to hubby and said no, sd’s need to spend it with stepdad because her own family hate her.

seriously 2 days before sd23.5 calls her brother (ss21.5) to say mummy won’t let us go spend long weekend with dad. She didn’t call hubby. Ss straight away calls hubby to let him know. Hubby is now pissed because if he knew all his kids with ex would not be available, he would have been able to buy a ticket and spend time with us because he missed us heeps. Now tickets were so inflated because hubby couldn’t get it on sale or cheaper and it was just a waste of money to visit then

i told hubby how did you not see this coming?? Every visit sd’s have last minute changes and hubby agrees to it, further emphasizing i’m the centre of the universe and everything revolves around me mentality. 

I told him it was very clear he could plan any vacations based on his eldest 3 kids involvement nor should our plans revolve around them as they are not reliable amd have never stuck with the original plan and all they do is this manipulative crap treating us like crap laughing at us jumping like a bunch of idiots for them.

so now hubby should be able to see if he has a choice between spending time with us when available overseas vs skids who never are available and cancel all the time then him choosing his elder 3 kids at the expense of spending time with us only to complain that skids cancelled on him again is his fault for hoping they’d changed.

if you know there is a chance you can’t go then don’t confirm. Just say check with me closer to the date as life is hectic right now

Rags's picture

You can't fix stupid and to try is a waste of effort.  Of course not all of them are a lost cause. There are many who are diligent, hard working, caring, and giving.  But... the ones who are not are not worth the piss it would take to put out the flames if they were on fire.  No use trying with those.

The good news is that the write off examples provide so much entertainment value. So, enjoy the amusement of their idiotic trials and tribulations and focus on the ones who are worth a shit.  Eventually the rest of society will tire or their crap and not slow down on the commute to work and just run them over as they attempt to protest their butt hurt cause of the moment. 

I wonder if bug removing window cleaner works on SnowFlakes stuck to ones bumper and windshield?  since there is little difference between a bug and these wastes of skin.          Hmmmmm?

2Tired4Drama's picture

Serving his country proudly and standing on his own two feet!

I honestly wish we could come up with some sort of mandatory service requirement - either military, Peace Corps, USAID worker, etc. should be a requirement.  Maybe some of these Flakes would get a clue that their lives aint so bad, and the things they complain about are ludicrous.

I can find the humor in some of it, but when I read about how badly they are treating parents, grandparents, and other oldsters it just stuns me. 

Rags's picture

Even more stunning is that the parents who created these SnowFlakes are the ones that facilitate their life long crap.

Imagine if those same parents who created these SnowFlakes came to clarity and jerked a knot in the tails of the results of their failed parenting. "If you quit whinning and started actually performing you might not turn my stomach."

Merry's picture

I have issues with my skids, but entitlement isn't one of them. And my own kids are hard working and responsible, as are their spouses. But I do know the kind of entitlement to which you refer.

One whiner in a hobby group of mine was complaining about not being able to communicate with her parents, and how does she get them to understand her, blah blah blah. Her parents were encouraging her to finish school, save for retirement, really awful things. She acted as if she were the first generation to have a divide with her parents. (Ask any baby boomer about that -- but they're sick of us boomers.) I offered a few suggestions, gave her a different perspective. She wasn't having it and then she booted me from being a page administrator without telling me. Well, that shows ME I guess.

I'm hoping those of the entitled ilk are so ill prepared to lead in the workforce and in the country that the hardworking and responsible of this group trample right over and past them.

For some, I blame the parents who have never allowed their pwecious little children to experience adversity, and who have always blazed the trail and done the heavy lifting for them. THAT IS NOT LOVE. That is control and selfishness. For others, like the young lady I mentioned, I think they just get caught up in the self-admiration that is so rampant. I dunno.

2Tired4Drama's picture

I know every generation looks askance at those before them, until they grow old enough to see some wisdom in what they were being told.  

Adversity in life is often the best teacher.  Once someone hits the skids with finances, all of a sudden that old adage "Save for a rainy day" doesn't seem so antiquated, does it? 

 

Jcksjj's picture

Well I am 30 and therefore in the group you're talking about. Just thinking about the people I interact with my age on a regular basis and the people I graduated with, I do think that behavior is common, but not the majority. But the ones that act like that stand out more so it seems like there are more of them since you dont really notice or think about the ones acting normal. 

I do also agree with the above that the boomers and gen x parenting style caused alot of the issue. My mom's mom and MIL and both boomers and have alot of the "disney dad" type behaviors that created the skid problems we see on here all the time. They each had daughters that were treated like children still in their 30s. 

I would also agree that the situation above is rude. Really the only excuse for that is a kid that started puking or got hurt or some other unlikely emergency.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Keep in mind the very LAST of the boomers were born in 64, making them in their mid-fifties now.  The bulk of Boomers (born 1946-56 or so) are in their 60s-70s so not many of them have kids in this demographic.

 

CLove's picture

In another post I mentioned a 1-for-1 as in 1 POS skid for 1 Awesome Skid. For all the ones we complain about, there are the ones that work hard, study hard and have wonderful personalities.

But generationally I hope its more. I am afraid it might not be.

As my own personal experience, not step related:

My DH is the youngest of 13, now 10 remaining children. He is a great uncle many times over. There are many marriages and a few divorces and 1 or two mia parents.

Ive noticed that his brothers and sisters are hardworking, successful in their careers and own their own homes. AT each family gathering they are cooking and cleaning and managing all activities. Basically doing it all.

Their children on the other hand, bring the babies and kids, plop on the couches and chairs, eat after food blessed, plop their plates in the garbage and hang out, do shots drink, eat some more and then leave. They dont contribute at all and no one ever offers to help.

And there are little cliques within these factions too, and they exclude the others.

Munchkin SD13 even noticed that she was being excluded from this "middle family layer". Shes in the younger grandchildren layer. Its the older grandchildren - some arent working, not going to any college, some are married and some are not.

Its when you do everything for people, and dont expect anything from them.

They will get trampled by those that are hardworking and who will do what it takes to be successful.

Ispofacto's picture

MIL is petty AF and she is 65.  I find that a lot of boomers have entitlement issues and want to dictate how others live.

 

SacrificialLamb's picture

Everyone thinks the younger generations are crap. The younger generations think the older generations are responsible for all their problems.

Who cares? We are supposed to make best of what we have been dealt.  One of the nicest hardest working people I ever met was young enough to be my daughter. And I sure have met some crap people older than me. I think different generations have different attitudes but it's not enough to get to the good vs bad judgments.

MissTexas's picture

Many people proudly boast, "I'm not prejudiced! I love everyone." False. Many think "being prejudiced" is just with regard to skin color. While I am not prejudiced against people of ANY color, I realize we all have specific biases in one area or another. For me particularly, things like generational welfare make no sense to me. Drug addiction makes no sense to me. Spousal abuse also makes no sense to me. I don't know if I would define these as prejudices, but I lean in that direction on these topics and issues. At the heart of prejudice is "not being able to understand" that issue or thing.

So when I see someone is rude, or inconsiderate, I'm mindful that it is not age specific.

What I find interesting is little children have NO FILTERS. At some point, most of us develop a filter, which is clearly defined by "social norms." Some people never do. I say this because some people are rude or inconsiderate by lying to "appear" nice, while sharpening the blade for the knife they're going to carefully position in your back. Those are the ones who are terribly frightening.

There are people of all ages who are "straight up" and do not mince words, but because they are, many tend to dub them as "bitches" or "assholes" but I would far rather be around, or deal with these kinds of people than the "closet bitches/assholes." At least you know what you're dealing with.

Is rudeness and inconsideration on the rise? I believe it is, but I don't believe it's any one generation who fall prey to it. I largely believe the instant alerts on issues, events and behaviors on phones have desensitized many and given them the attitude of "everyone does it" so it must be ok. Similarly, very few people send out RSVP's when asked to, or thank you notes. On the whole, society is slipping backward. Common courtesy and decency seem to be on the decline.

Every generation has their jerks and people who perpetuate appalling behaviors and attitudes. I know these are extreme examples, given the scenario, butyou get it. (Judas, Julius Ceasar, Hitler, Stalin)

So to sum it up, yes, there is rudeness and inconsideration all around us, but I've found that if I keep my same attitude, and try to think from the other person's perspective, I usually come out better. It is not always easy, obviously I would not be here if I had mastered it,but we are a work in progress, not a finished product.

On the flipside, when there are patterns in behavior that have clearly been established, and it's not a one time thing, then it's time to carefully evaluate the specific situation and move forward from there.

Stepmom2020's picture

Can someone please tell me what DH stands for? Dear Husband? Divorced Husband? I get most the others.