Hi Everyone...

Coming for some advice...I've posted before about the situation I am in...with a man who has two kids from his second marriage who are 18 (in 3 weeks) and 20 years old. My SO has been separated now for 3 years, but the divorce isn't final due to property issues. I moved in with him a year ago, and we are going to marry once we get all the legal BS resolved. Everything was fine until Nov of last year when SO's ex decided she wanted him back and since then all hell has broken loose! The boys live with her, and they have gone from accepting me in August of 2006, to not having any contact whatsoever with their dad now. When my SO first told his kids about me, they were fine, and said they understood his moving on with his life and finding a new love. Through the fall, the oldest would do things with us like go to movies and come over for dinner...the clincher being we had to make up stories for him to tell his mom because she would grill him, and come unglued if she heard that he was around me. We would all agree that he and his dad went to see such and such movie, etc. The boy just couldn't handle the conflict. Unfortunately, he moved back in with his mom to go to college in a place closer to his friends and his brother, and she has totally alienated him from his dad. Both boys. She constantly emails and calls me and SO, harrassing and haranguing us. And she copies the boys on her messages. She uses their cell phones to call. She uses her younger son's myspace account to send me harrassing emails. And one of the worst things she has done was go behind my SO's back, and quitclaim deed two pieces of property to the boys, one piece is very valuable emotionally and financially and should be somehow shared by all-it would be a crime for it to be sold in the divorce settlement. She did this in April. She had an old power of attorney that she used to be able to do it since it was joint property. It's not legal, and it won't hold up in court, but the fact that she involved the boys in this fraud, and had them keep this secret from their dad, to me is just sick. She has set them against their dad, and they are definitely brainwashed.

My SO is heartbroken over it, and cannot get through to his boys. We live 6 hours away. The last time we went up to where they live, I stayed at a museum while my SO went to the house and it was a battle zone with the EX screaming and crying and yelling at him for all his past actions she thinks was wrong, and both boys witnessing it all... outside. They all met him outside. Horrible!!

They will all take the money he freely gives them (neither boy has ever worked)and ask him for more, which he gives...but that's the only involvement they will have. My SO won't cut the kids off at all because he doesn't want to hurt them and he understands that their actions are due to their mother. He wants to get them back someday. But it's so hard!

Any ideas or suggestions on what he might do to communicate with his kids?